Update
So Update to my earlier post. DH said why couldn't I just let things go about SS and I said it just keeps happening and you are doing nothing about it and he said that SS didn't mean anything by what he said that he really was just joking. I said ok then he could've just said that you are addicted to the video game now and left it at that he didn't have to add that you wouldn't be spending any time with me anymore. DH paused and did well he probably is jealous and thinks I don't spend enough time with him. Here is an example of what I have to deal with even. About a month or so ago SS didn't want to go roller skating so I suggested to DH that he and SS should go see a movie together so they did. When it was time to pick up OSS and me from roller skating YSS got "bored" and was standing on top of the snack bar table so to me it doesn't matter if you give one on one time to YSS he is still always going to want to be the center of attention all the time regardless. So he thinks I'm stealing daddy away so I told DH well take all the time you need with your precious little buttercup and I will just do my own thing when he is here and we can spend time together when he is not here. I don't want him to feel threatened by me and feel like I am stealing dad away from him. I know kids have needs but like I said it doesn't seem to matter SS just wants his own way all the time. In all honesty this is ruining my marriage and I feel like my DH is putting our marriage on the back burner by just letting SS do whatever he wants.
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Comments
Instead of being angry at an
Instead of being angry at an immature 10 yo that by your own admission has some issues, I would be more irritated at your DH who continues to subvert your wishes to everyone Else's in the household.
I will be honest, a grown man with an interest in still playing with toys (video games, remote control cars, go-kart racing etc...) is someone I would have very little interest being around. You are defacto mommy to all of them. No way would I enjoy seeing a grown man playing X-box. Go fix the lawn mower or something..lol.
Of course kid wants control of the games.. of course he wants attention.. that's just how kids will be. They will try to get what they want through the means that they find successful. Manipulative? I guess.. but don't we all behave in such a way as to get our own way to one extent or another? I mean, as we mature, we become better at balancing others' needs against our own, but most people still look out for number one!
Maybe the Xbox should go on the shelf so to speak since it is such a bone of contention in the house. No one uses it.. even DH.
In fact, here is how you make your point to YSS.
"Thank you YSS for pointing out that some of us are starting to get addicted to video games. So that doesn't become a problem, we are disconnecting the set up and putting it in storage for the summer. We don't want anyone to have an addictions.. so as a family, we will be supportive and not have the game around!"
So I should be mad at DH?
So I should be mad at DH? The idea about the Xbox will not go over well because DH was just say that I am being mean to his kid. I am always the bad guy. I really want my marriage to work but, I just don't if it will. I am just going to do my own thing for awhile and let DH be with his kids.
I would tell DH that YOU are
I would tell DH that YOU are sick and tired of this game system being the root of arguments. Tell him you are sick of him spending time on it instead of doing things "as a family".
I would make it clear that YSS thinks his dad has an addiction so certainly, his kid is seeing him on the system too much.
In my home, if something was causing arguments, that THING was removed. Kids learn pretty quickly how to get along when fussing and fighting results in the object of their desire being confiscated.
SS made that comment to taunt
SS made that comment to taunt me. DH is not addicted to the video games he was playing with OSS and that is the first time I have seen him play in about a year so to me that is not an addiction. SS was just making that comment to get underneath my skin I think but yes I do admit you have a good point about the Xbox being the problem.
Tank I would back off.
Tank I would back off. Because what's happening, is that you're letting the brat get to you - you KNOW your DH has to spend time with the kid. You KNOW the kid is a brat. You KNOW the kid needs to be the center of attention all the time.
Let them. Do something for yourself. Get a book get a puzzle, take up knitting... take up baking....whatever...let DH parent. If DH paused when you said he could have left the hurtful part off... he's starting to catch on to what you're saying about the kid's attitude.
Let DH see the attitude full force. He will not see it if you are caught in the middle...because the kid will target YOU, and you will fight with DH about it... and ultimately, the kid will see discord between you and the dad...which is what the brat wants. If you disengage when the kids are there, DH will have to do it solo...and the kid won't be able to involve you - all the drama will either go on the other kid, or on DH directly...while you enjoy a peaceful book, bath, walk, whatever.
You should certainly be mad at DH for what he's done... but... if you're more concerned about your marriage, step away from the anger and let DH see the full potential of the kid's crappy behavior.
Kid wants DH to himself? Let him have him. You'll get him, in the end.
And when DH bitches that he's got to do it all... ask him... your kid wants you, not me... I'd never dream of preventing that, so you go ahead and enjoy the time with your kids, I'll be around doing XYZ when you're done
Yeah so maybe he will start
Yeah so maybe he will start to see the way things truly are. I am not a told you so kind of person but that is genius I should just tell him that. Thank you secret.
Don't say anything about
Don't say anything about it...just do it.
Anytime dh questions it...just say, you're stepping back and letting them have a father child relationship.