Two update on step life chez TASM
Two steplife incidents this weekend. The first isn’t dramatic but make me think.
- DH had a lunch date with MSS and OSS
Every month or so DH meets up with his sons for a pub lunch. (Think pies or fish and chips or roast) I don’t go because I think that its their relationship not that I have any objection to the SSs. As DH was heading out the door, I told him to have fun. He just groaned and said “Its not fun”. His sons generally never have anything much to say and nothing changes.
I know DH loves his kids but he doesn’t really find them enjoyable. I wonder how much of this is down to them spending most of their formative years with the mother who is very dull by all accounts. Would they be more interesting if they’d had more time with dad? Who knows.
- This lunch date had some big gossip
MSS was planning to get married to his childhood sweetheart. They’ve been together since 15 and are now 28. They’ve been engaged for forever. I’ve been largely ignoring the whole thing because as we know around here who needs the disfunction of a skid wedding. I figure it will happen when it happens, and I’ll just endure the day.
The plan was the finance’s dad was paying for the shindig. Think wedding at a big house in the countryside, white dress, etc, etc.
Turns out that finance’s dad announced this week that he is no longer paying for the party. Sadly, I have no details, but I wonder if it was COD entitlement on finance’s part. Or maybe it was the thought of her dysfunctional BM and her alcoholic violent new partner creating havoc on BD’s dime.
Apparently, the wedding now off for at least the foreseeable.
Thankfully, I told DH ages ago that none of our mutual money was going on throwing a party for someone else, so we are at least clear on that.
I don’t believe in wasting money on weddings. My wedding cost sub $3k and that included paying for hotel room for my mother and sisters and brother-in-law for the weekend and a free bar for the limited guests.
I’d be up for tossing in some money for a deposit for a home but not this.
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We eloped
Total cost was around 3k, about 3 years ago, and it was beautiful. Got the dress at a resale shop, DH borrowed a barong from a friend, my friend is a wedding officiate with a gorgeous property in the forest.
So Im with you. We dont have a big wedding debt, we got a house.
Good for you
You definitely invested in the right thing.
SD25's wedding is a fancy to
SD25's wedding is a fancy to-do costing a lot of $$$. DH told her, "I can give you <dollar amount>. That's it." Surprisingly, she thanked him profusely and has not asked for another penny (BioHo has, but DH refused to respond to any of 'Ho's moneygrubbing requests). SD and her stb-DH are paying for most of it.
IMO, spending a lot of money on a wedding is a waste. One of my cousin's; his FIL spent more money on his princess' wedding than the cost of our house!
Ouch
The thought of spending more on a wedding than a house makes me feel ill.
Ditto. Our house wasn't that
Ditto. Our house wasn't that pricey, but to pay that amount for a wedding? Gaaaaaaahhhh.... *dash1*
THIS!!!!: As DH was heading
THIS!!!!: As DH was heading out the door, I told him to have fun. He just groaned and said “Its not fun”. His sons generally never have anything much to say and nothing changes. I know DH loves his kids but he doesn’t really find them enjoyable. I wonder how much of this is down to them spending most of their formative years with the mother who is very dull by all accounts. Would they be more interesting if they’d had more time with dad? Who knows.
This is how my DH acted this past weekend with SD! And how I think he is feeling more and more. I really do find SD boring and I have listened to them when I am not around (for example I wanted nothing to do with either of them so I went into the guest room to room on a project all day long and I swear they barley talked to one another the entire day and night!) Hell I talk to SD more than he does most visits!
I thought of your blog
I thought of your blog when DH said what he did. Its kind of sad, isn't it.
Weddings
I agree, SOK weddings are the worst. I have a theory that there's an inverse relationship between the wedding cost and how long the marriage lasts. The more $, the shorter the marriage. Lol.
If that is the case, DH and I
If that is the case, DH and I will certainly last! I think with rings (my engagement is heirloom) our wedding and everything was under $1,500.00!
This is some gossip for sure.
This is some gossip for sure. I wonder if the girl was just assuming daddy was paying or if something happened?
Either way, weddings are fun, but really it is THOUSAND's for a party. There are so many ways that money can be used to actually help them start a life together. The question becomes, will she still marry him without the party?
As for being dull, that is really my SS17. He is a big fish in a little pond but with an entire high school that doesn't have 100 students, it isn't hard to compete. There is nothing actually special or cool about him other than he is one of 20 boys over 16 and probably one of 10 with a car. Whoooo.... big time there! He isn't going to make it out of his little town. The rest of the world sees beyond a little blinky light town with no hope.
Good point
Finance may have been making assumptions but she's been planning this for ages. Since well before Covid so I'd be surprised if she hadn't discussed it with her dad. However, it maybe that his business didn't do so well through the lockdowns. It could be a budget issue fro the dad.
Ugh, the big fish in the small pond story is sad. I keep thinking of guys in the later life still living from their glory days of being the big man on campus at high school.
I don’t believe in wasting
I don’t believe in wasting money on weddings
Me, either!
If they really want to get married, they can do it without spending thousands and thousands. What a waste.
There's a Friends episode where Chandler doesn't want to spend his life savings on a "party" and Monica gets mad that he keeps calling their wedding a party. But, the way most people do it, that's exactly what they're paying for, a big party.
People tend to forget the
People tend to forget the central point of getting married.. and that is joining your life with your SO in the eyes of God and/or legally (depending on your perspective on it all).
Whether you spend little to nothing at the JOP. or whether you spend tens of thousands.. whether your ring is a chip.. or multi carats.. none of that is any indication of how long and how fulfilling your union will be.
My DH and I had both been married before. My first was a small sub 30 person with small catered buffet that was only a few thousand with an inexpensive dress. My DH went all out for one of his with a destination wedding in Hawaii with family all flown in.
For ours, we just went out on our own.. got married on an island where we honeymooned... it was 100% about us and for us. Not showing off for others.. not worrying about people not getting along.. not going into ungodly debt.
My OSD got married in a small ceremony of family on a beach.. my YSD is planning on a destination wedding where some may go with her to get married.. but my DH is not interested in going to what is going to be a fairly intimate affair.. with his EX... He told his daughter he will host them on a vacation at a later date instead.. haha.
I think if it were local like OSD's he might hold his nose and go.. but it's out of the country and just remote enough that it is not palatable to him to hang out with his EX and her new beau for the weekend...
It's his choice.. I'm not pushing either way..
One other thought
I realise that $3k is a lot of money to some people but it was well within my budget parameters. Could I have spent it on investment stocks or something more sensible? Yes. So I guess I'm still guilty of spending money on a party.