Since I have only disengaged 3 weeks ago, I am wondering how long it takes to heal after you disengage. My husband mentioned my sd tonight and it took all I had to not just immediately set off in a long slur of cuss words. I mean, just the mention of her name makes me want to scream.

In the instance tonight, dh was telling me that sd is FINALLY taking step-grandson (5 months) to the doctor after he's been sick for almost 2 weeks with a plugged up nose. Last week I was told that she had to suction the baby's nose out 5 times. I told dh he better tell her to take him to the doctor before it turned into something more serious like the RSV virus or something. Well, she of course did not listen to him (she has already told me in the past that NO ONE is going to tell her how to raise her child) and she is just now taking him tomorrow. When he said this, I said, "She is just NOW taking him to the doctor? What the hell is wrong with her?" DH just huffed at me and said, "Well, he started to get better." Once again defending his little princess rather than acknowledging that there is a major problem here. The last few nights are the first nights that the baby has spent in his crib. From the time he was born until now, he has been sleeping in his SWING. SD posts on facebook all the time that she just woke up and this happens at varying hours of the day... so while she sleeps all day, I have been told by her best friend that the baby is either in the swing or on the bed with her with a bottle propped up. I am just disgusted by the way she takes care of this precious little guy. He spent the first 4 months of his life doing nothing but crying because she wouldn't feed him enough. Her excuse, "I don't want him to get fat. I'm not going to be one of those mothers that just sticks a bottle in his mouth every time he cries!" Developmentally, he is behind. He is just NOW starting to be alert to the point where you can call his name and he will look at you and focus on your face. My kids did this by 3 months at the latest. Our other grandson, 3 1/2 months old, is developmentally ahead of the 5 month old because his mother actually plays with him and interacts with him. DH has expressed his concerns about all of this with me in the past, but now that I have disengaged he gets pissed when I say anything about her lack of parenting skills.

It's much harder to disengage from the baby because it's not his fault his mother is like she is. And I am starting to think that she will be no better a mother than her own mother was. It just makes me despise her even more.

I told my husband a few weeks ago when I started this whole disengaging process that I did not want to talk about sk's AT ALL. He just said that "they are his family, so how can he not talk about them to me?" And every time I turn around he is mentioning something and driving me insane. So apparently I have a long road of healing to travel before I can finally get away from these feelings of anger I have towards sd. Sometimes it's almost maddening because I just want to be OVER it. But no matter how much I try to deny it, it just really hurts that my sk's have betrayed me after everything I did for them. And it hurts even more that they don't even acknowledge what I did for them.

For those of you that have been through this... does it ever go away? Does it ever stop hurting or am I just oversensitive?