Alimony question
So - an earlier post was about my SO's divorce. He has to re-file cause BM never signed original papers 10 years ago. He's getting right on it. Can't afford all the money his atty wants so he had contacted an agency that is sort of "do it yourself". After consulting them and then looking into it further, he is literally doing it himself with no help. He's been researching and filling out forms all weekend. Everything seems pretty straight forward until he came to a part about alimony. Can't remember everything it said but basically my question is do you think that after 10 years of living apart, his ex could suddenly ask for and get alimony? Their child support order was just modified this summer so that's all set. He's been paying child support for 10 yrs. He has always worked (some good jobs, some not so good) and BM has always had social services and he thinks social security disability. What do you think?
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I doubt she would get alimony
I doubt she would get alimony . If I remember correctly, he’s behind on child support. So they are going to push for him to get caught up.
My ex-husband and I filed all the paperwork for selves, it’s surprisingly easy.
Good to know its easy. They
Good to know its easy. They have no assets together so that's what we were hoping for. Not worried about cs though since all that was just revisited this summer. Hoping that the judge will take into consideration that she just refused to sign the papers 10 yrs ago cause I am concerned that she will do something to try to cause problems. I don't think she wants to be with him again - she just likes to f**k with him and make his life miserable.
It's easy if you're both in
It's easy if you're both in agreement on the issues and you both want a divorce. In this case BM intentionally has dragged it out for over 10 years. I think SO is kidding himself if he thinks it's going to be easy the second time around. "Please sign these papers BM so I can remarry and live happily ever after." Funny stuff.
Wait - are you saying that
Wait - are you saying that they were never divorced then?
That for ten years no one realized that it was never signed, and therefore, never legal??
Yep - that's what I'm saying.
Yep - that's what I'm saying. He had an attorney the first time who told him it was all set (that's what he told me). Shortly after "divorcing" he moved out of state for about 3 yrs. His daughter brought up us getting married this summer and then said that BM told her they needed to divorce first. He asked what she's talking about cause they are divorced. Something else came up about this last month so he said he called his current atty to ask him to look into it & to get a copy of his divorce decree for him. That's when his atty told him that BM never signed the document and he would have to re-file. He asked BM about it and she said she didn't sign at the time cause she hoped they would get back together.
Hopefully it goes smoothly
Hopefully it goes smoothly for you. I know BM tried to super delay everything, like for years she delayed in every possible way, final way being "I'll pay for it." And never doing it, so DH finally paid for it all and got them signed because we were dating and planning on getting engaged... (I was told she was an ex-wife during the dating phase up until he was like, "She hasn't sign the f***ing papers... Then I was confused and pissed off for a few weeks there... lol) Of course she had been with other man for literally over a year and had been dating him for months before DH even found out and the divorce had to happen... Not to mention all the other men she had relations with... Ew. So she'd been with the dude for like 2 1/2 years and the marriage had been "over" since a while before DH and I even met, they were legally separated in process of the divorce... But knowing her and her wish for him to never be happy and her already delaying we knew we couldn't get officially engaged until that was done and over with or she'd try to play the delay game again. They did file on their own, just make sure you read the wording of everything... Tbh they didn't really pay attention and sometimes I read it now and it's this vague mess. But at least Alimony wasn't a thing since She had a job at the time of it all (a good paying one she then later got fired from...) And DH was using his GI bill.
Sorry, but your SO totally
Sorry, but your SO totally dropped the ball here.
Who doesn't confirm that something has been signed? That it's been filed with the court?
I hope he doesn't get screwed.
He definitely dropped the
He definitely dropped the ball. All I could say to him was, who doesn't know if they're not divorced. The kind of man he has shown me that he is, I don't feel like he did anything purposefully or maliciously. I wasn't even divorced when we met so he had to reason to deceive me.
Alimony is suppose to be paid
Alimony is suppose to be paid if the spouse gave up their ability to work for the better of the home. It covers the fact that being out of the work field for x years means they would be unable to make as much if they had stayed in. There are even cases where a judge may limit how long a person receives alimony with the idea that they can use that time to reenter the work field and support themselves.
That being said this is 10 year's later. She has had more than enough time and has clearly been able to support herself to some degree without him. I would hope that he wouldn't have to pay alimony by this point.
These days a spouse getting
These days a spouse getting alimony is not a 100% cut and dried situation. With most women entering the workforce and able to support themselves, it is not as likely that alimony will be awarded. Even IF it is awarded, it is likely to be only for a temporary period.
Generally, alimony is more likely to be awarded in long term marriages in which one spouse was the primary breadwinner (ie stay at home or pt employment of other spouse) It also may be more likely to be awarded if one of the spouses has some disability or mental impairment that would make them unable to support themselves. In fact, in my state, they can "reserve" spousal support which means that a spouse might be able to go back several years later and get support even if not awarded at first. But, I believe that 10 years is one of the tests there. Also, I believe if the person receiving alimony constructively is in another relationship with someone that "could" support them then it can be petitioned to be reduced. like if they live with someone for more than a year or get married.
In your case, I might research your state laws regarding alimony. If your SO's marriage was relatively short.. like 5 years.. it is unlikely they will want to give her alimony now 10 years since their separation. It might be one area that would be worth getting an attorney's opinion on as well... specific to your own circumstances and legal framework.
It's been more than a 5 year
It's been more than a 5 year marriage. They've been apart for 10 years but are technically still married.
Technically she could go for
Technically she could go for it, they have been married for the last 10 years while he's been off w/another woman. If she lives in a state where she can file for a divorce that shows *fault* she could go for a lot. If she has a lawyer and he doesn't then you're SO may be screwed and it could cost him a lot more in the long run.
My DH didn't want to spend the money for a lawyer but BM did and guess who's still paying alimony to the hoor... DH agreed to pay 15 years of alimony for a 22 yr marriage. She also got half plus some of everything and half his future pension. He's spent many times over what he would have paid for a lawyer and he's got 2 more years to go.
If I could give your SO any advice I'd tell him to take out a small loan, have a lawyer do it and get the divorce done right this time.
They were married for about 7
They were married for about 7 yrs I believe....have been apart for 10. He had another child in between that time and had moved out of state. That didn't work out either and he came back to our home state for medical reasons. Been here ever since. I met him 3 years ago. Well, he's going to try this first. BM doesn't have the money for a lawyer - believe me. He's also going to give her the heads up that she'll be getting served with these new divorce papers. He thinks she'll just go along with it. I think she'll try to pull some crap. I guess we'll know by her reaction to getting served. Just to give an example of how she is tho....we went on a road trip last summer (him, me and my kids to see my mom for her birthday in another state). We stayed with a childhood friend of mine. When we got back, she called him to say she wanted him to pay her money every week on top of the child support she receives thru the support agency. I think that she believes that he now has money since he and I are together (i.e. my money). Of course he told her to go pound rocks, but that's how she thinks.
Why would she go along w/it
Why would she go along w/it now 10 years later? What is SO thinking?!
"she called him to say she wanted him to pay her money every week on top of the child support she receives thru the support agency."
^Oh she definitely wants alimony. She's not going to sign. I bet she'll just throw it in the trash and drag it out for another few years. You never let people know that they're going to get served. She'll do everything she can to evade it. They've been married for 17 years and never legally seperated. Yeah she could go for alimony and half of everything plus whatever assests he has now. And depending on your state your income could be calculated into her getting more money if it's shown that he benefits by being married to you. There are still some screwy laws on the books.
Your SO should really get a lawyer if he ever wants to be divorced.
Just because she doesn't have
Just because she doesn't have money for a lawyer doesn't mean she won't get one. Our state does not provide a state paid lawyer for divorces, but some law firms will provide one pro bono. That is what DH's ex did. She found a very competent attorney who represented her for free, or for a very reduced rate.
Given the circumstances, DH may want to consider getting an attorney to at least look over all the paperwork and give him advice.
He really doesn't have money
He really doesn't have money for one right now....he'll have to save up for a few months. Maybe he should at least go thru that agency that will do it for much less. I'll run that by him tonight.
One can take a bank loan to
One can take a bank loan to pay lawyer fees. My dh took a bank loan to pay his divorce lawyer. He didn’t have anything.
If your SO wants to get divorced, he’ll find the way.
I do think she'll screw with
I do think she'll screw with him but she does have a boyfriend and supposedly they're getting married too. I told him to not mention anything about our plans to her or his daughters until this is done. He has no assets - none. And I researched my state when we first talked about getting married....my sole assets are not up for grabs. I can prove that everything I have was mine before we even met. I'll look into further though. When I first started dating again after a lot of years....I really didn't want to get involved with someone who had young kids or teens. I kept this man at bay for a long time because of that....just wanted to hang out cause I always had such fun with him....DAMN!
If she is on welfair, the
If she is on welfair, the state can go after your SO, her husband for welfair reimbursements, money they paid to her because her husband, SO, is not supporting his family
He is supporting the
He is supporting the children. He's been paying child support the entire time they've been apart through child support enforcement. New York state doesn't play. They will even take it from unemployment benefits - that happened to a friend of mine. SO's comes right out of his checks and I've seen the stubs. And, according to BM, she doesn't see all of that money which I believe means SHE owes the state so they take some of the cs money and give her the rest. She's a hustler - won't be surprised at all if she tried to scam social services somehow and they caught it. I found all this out cause she told the daughters that SO doesn't pay her much but again, I've seen the paystubs and the old & new support & custody orders. He pays.
I thought on another post you
I thought on another post you said he was in arrears?
Yes that’s what OP posted
Yes that’s what OP posted earlier:
“Not exactly sure but I think its a lot. Thousands. I know what they take from his pay covers current cs and then some towards arrears. Plus any tax refunds get taken”
So he owes thousands? Honestly if I found out my DH is still married to BM and she could demand more money plus he owes her money, I’d bail.
My ex pays more in CS than
My ex pays more in CS than what I receive, There is a fee for them taking it out of his check. I think he pays $130 and I get $117 a week. That is a $672 difference through out the year.
I'm not bailing. Aside from
I'm not bailing. Aside from this, he is an amazing partner. I'm old enough to know what I want and need to be happy. If we don't ever marry, it doesn't change my commitment to him. I was married once and it didn't mean s**t.
As my friend's divorce
As my friend's divorce attorney explained to her, alimony is supposed to be temporary to help the other person get on their feet, not a permanent source of income. In this case, my friend was the one who had to pay alimony to her ex husband. They had no children, so she was working with an attorney to figure out how long she'd have to pay.
The BM in your case can ask. If I were your DH, I'd pull together the original - unsigned divorce docs and proof that he and BM have been living apart for 10 years and she has not asked for money as "precedent" that she declined alimony. If she receives social service payments, she may not want alimony, because it could reduce her payments.
That's a good point about ss
That's a good point about ss being reduced. Thanks for the info