This is a vent, but I so want to send this on DH's behalf (but I won't)...at the same time, can we use any of it? I've just so had enough of her stupidity that just ONCE I'd like to say what I really want. I'm so flippin mad and I've learned enough from the past to know better than to respond right now or on DH's behalf...that I need to vent, calm down, read your responses with a clearer head...and then I won't be as mad lol.

Here is my vent of a response that I know can't be sent so I'm releasing here:

"never compromise anything for me?"

Here's an answer:

1) How about last year when I did compromise and send them out a day early against my better judgement thinking that you would actually have some parental responsibility and since they flew out early at YOUR request that YOU would make sure THEY did their homework that I had to all gather FOR YOU and you didn't do ANYTHING. So I did compromise and you did nothing, and you did it again over spring break. You certainly didn't have to deal with their melt downs because of the stress catching up from you not parenting.

2) Please remember I am not obligated at ALL to purchase ANY flight for them. Our court order does not specify transportation requirements nor even visitation. If you want compromise - how about we follow the court order which does NOT obligate me to provide any transportation and you can purchase their flights completely for Xmas. That would be compromise to me since you are the one that moved anyway.

3) I would prefer to pay only $161 to fly them at 9AM on Saturday. Did you miss the part where I said I'm willing to pay $235.(if you still aren't getting it- that would be a COMPROMISE to HELP YOU)

4) Never compromise? YOU ARE PROVIDING NOTHING ZERO NADA ZILCH for your children and I'm not compromising because I can't pay for a $365 per ticket flights for YOUR visitation because YOU moved? I can't afford it BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT FINANCIALLY SUPPORTING YOUR OWN CHILDREN IN ANY WAY.

I'm booking the Saturday flight and if you keep pushing, I won't book any flight and you can be responsible for the transportation since I'm not obligated to provide any per our court order.

This was our response (below), probably not as good as some of you advised and it's probably still a little too confrontational. I'm fully prepared for honest critiques.

I'm sure she'll came back with some demonic venom spewing bullcrap that she always does. In which case, we'll just call and book the Saturday flight. I know she won't get it and it's probably too self serving to try and continue once again (see below) to try and get through to her what compromise really is and the millions of ways we are sacrificing and compromising due to her lack of any parental responsibility. I firmly believe and know that she still to this day doesn't understand why she lost custody. She's never responsible for anything, it's always someone elses fault.

I am compromising.

I am NOT obligated to purchase any tickets at all. Our court order lists no provisions for transportation (nor any provisions for visitation) or that I am obligated to help at all. I am compromising by purchasing any flight for your visitation as a result of your choice to move so far to try and help out.

I also am compromising because I would also prefer to fly them on the $161 flight at 9AM on Saturday but am willing to still pay more so they can fly out a little later (that would be another compromise that I offered to forego).

If I am to help with flights for your visitation then I will be purchasing the 12:27 Saturday flight at $235 today as the costs are rapidly starting to increase for even those flights as flights are becoming full.

If you want a Sunday flight, then you are going to have to purchase it or purchase round trip tickets to meet your preference. I would consider reimbursing you $235 per ticket as that is what I would have paid.

Or I can purchase the ticket for the flight there (which right now is half the cost of what it is to fly them back here) and you can purchase the return ticket YOU prefer.

Let me know if you want any of the other options or I will book the Sat 12:27 flight today.

Yes- she first replied by saying there is a sunday flight at 12:27pm that's $265.
We replied by telling her that was the flight already looked at and that was the price for one ticket and had called airline directly and it is 365 per ticket as we already told her.
She then responded to that by saying DH could fly them out on Monday at $181 if they could miss that one day of school but knows DH doesn't feel its important enough to miss school.
Grr...responded with how school isn't important enough to her and tried it last year but she didn't make sure they did the homework. Also that she knew she would have to deal with their school schedule when she decided to move so far away. No word back after that so booked the flight we wanted on sat. So round one down. Round two I'm sure will be coming when she has to book the flight there for them. Not sure how much longer she plans on waiting. I'm sure school will come up again as she is gOing to demand they miss a day to fly out early.

Thanks Proud Arrow...that is really helpful. I'm almost certain it's going to come to that, where DH has to demand they not miss a day. She just manipulates everything that it's so hard to try and stick to your guns with her. She has no boundaries. She can't understand that due to her choice to move, she is stuck dealing with visitation during their school break. Their kids have major school issues which we work (mostly me) our butts off every single day, especially with SS13. Missing just one day of school will impact them in ways that effect our household for weeks, especially as it will be mid tri. And also when we all know full well they won't do anything over break. I guess I always hope she might grow some reason, but it fails every time.

Funny about your situation that you shared....our BM has NEVER considered or had to work around our work schedules. Never. She would just say it's our problem (yeah, coming from the one with NO job herself). It was nice to hear that you stuck to your guns and it worked.

It's going to help start building up the strenght for what I know round two will be and probably soon. Last year, she waited until Thanksgiving weekend to book the Christmas flight and we did agree to them missing school because she whined about how expensive flights were. Duh.

I know we are going down that path again this year...she has no money so she'll wait until the last minute...don't know how she ends up paying for the flights, but some how does. Strange that she can't come up with the $20/month child support. Ha.