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So now what??

Topmuffin901's picture

Submitted by Topmuffin901 on Sun, 11/03/2013 - 4:20am

After yesterdays arguement (see blog). I told DH that I'm not going to just be the parent that cooks and cleans but has no say in discipline. If he wants me to be a parent then that includes me calling out SS when he does something shitty. If he doesn't want me to do this then I'm not doing cooking, cleaning etc etc for SS either. Being a parent comes as a package, you can't just pick and choose which bits you want me to do, for me it's all or nothing. He says I'm out of line apparently this is about me always having to be right and DH always having to do what I say. It's not about that to me at all. I don't want to be undermined in my own home (he told me to leave SS alone while SS was stood right there) what do I do?? Am I out of line?? I'm so confused and hurt. All the time I've been with DH he's never treated me this way. I told him SS is behaving like a spoilt child but apparently I have it in for him. Yep of course DH I haven't spent the last 4 years supporting you in and out of court or dealt with BM and her crazy shit she has thrown at us, nope that wasn't me it was an illusion. Why would I do that when I have it in for him. Please help I feel like I have nowhere to turn too. Am I wrong? What should I do?

Comments

Topmuffin901's picture

Submitted by Topmuffin901 on Sun, 11/03/2013 - 4:44am

Where do I start on disengagement? How do I deal with DH?

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 11/03/2013 - 6:22am

You are doing the only thing possible IMHO. If you are equity partners in your marriage then you have to be an equity parent to any children in your home.

Pretty simple.

Havana2012's picture

Submitted by Havana2012 on Sun, 11/03/2013 - 9:21pm

I do not cook or clean after my SS10. I am a stay at home mom, and I still don't do it. He is ten, so he can make his own food - or dad can pack his lunch for the day. Food is a battle with him, so I long stopped taking on that battle. He texts his dad during the day (if he isn't at school) about what he can and cannot eat. He knows to do his own dishes. If he doesn't, I put them aside in large bowl so dad can tell him to wash them - or wash them himself when he gets home.

I cook family dinners, and what of that his father chooses for him to eat - is between the two of them.

It's weird. It's sure as hell not as any of us dreamed it, but I can't be a resentful, pissed off cook, maid, and chauffeur to a kid I have no control over - the buck has to stop somewhere - and I stop it at doing things for this kid.