I am a firm believer that a french kiss a day keeps the marriage blues away. You just can't be emotionally connected without the intimacy.

I usually also try to do something he likes to do with him or encourage him to get out to do whatever it is. Think back to the things you did before all the "normal crap" set in.

I send my SO a text once a week that tells him something I find attractive about him or thanks for doing whatever. Sometimes I tell him "when you did XYZ it made me feel loved so I wanted to let you know that I appreciated it".

Is it desire that has faded? Or the emotional intimacy? Or the sense of daily connectedness?

For desire, I have a saved TED talk I haven't watched yet - let me know!
http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_ter...

For emotional intimacy, here's another TED talk I haven't watched yet. Maybe there's a tip in there?
https://www.ted.com/playlists/211/the_art_of_meaningful_conversa

For just feeling love(d), this is so beautiful - including most of the click-throughs.
https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/03/31/how-to-love-thich-nhat-hanh/

For myself, I also go through similar ups-and-downs in terms of feeling close with DH. Sometimes I have to say right out loud what I want from him. But, similar to you, for a while I've felt like I ought not place any more demands on him, he's got enough going on. And so I put up and shut up and then not only are my needs not met, but OUR needs, the needs we have together in order to stay a happy couple, those don't get met either.

And this is what Iyanla has to say about that: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Why-You-Should-Put-Yourself-First-...

Work in progress, tuff, work in progress.

Maybe switch stuff up and lay behind him, sometimes the guys need to feel safe and loved too.
My man leaves me notes, sprays my pillow with his cologne, rose in my car so I find it when I leave to go to work so sometimes (we have big schedule conflicts) I will get up at 5am to cook him breakfast before he goes to work. I will buy his favorite treats, hide them then slip them in his lunch bag. Sometimes I spray his work shirts with my perfume so he has to smell me all day.

Every Friday I send him a email with a song that reminds me of him with the lyrics listed. We now have a great collection on the ipod with all of "our songs" so when we are together cooking we play our songs and it is kind of like having a little secret because we are the only ones that know they are "our" songs.

Yup. Read the book, Crazy Time, she articulates this really well.

Okay, Sueu2 did the meaningful post once again. I was thinking 2 rather shallow things:

** Roadtrip. I have found my best connection in the cab of a truck. Straighten up, you know what I mean. Guy -- looking forward/no direct meaningful looks, non-confrontational eye contact. Objects on the road may require attention as he thinks of a response. You --- intimacy bubble. Hand on thigh/hand. Connecting, discussing challenges, hopes & dreams or whatever.

** Double recliner. Seriously, even if you're feeling a bit cross or disconnected ... a double-wide kinda forces you to physically acknowledge the other. Comfort and snuggle before you realize it. It's so easy to physically disconnect in a household. This is one family room accessory which will pay dividends, in my experience. Intimacy is not begun in the bedroom, although it can be extended to the recliner if kidlets aren't home. Warning: cats, small dogs and kids (even middle-school) will notice the vacuum of one body in a double recliner and rush to fill it.

Neither of these ideas address depression. That's a doctor/counselor thing. But it's about not sitting on the deck drinking alone, while DH is elsewhere alone, as well. I'll bet that both of you feel it, even if you're the one who puts it into words. {Hug}