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How can you disengage when you live with Skids FULL time with No BM in the picture?

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

Submitted by ubrngoutdbitchnme on Thu, 04/25/2013 - 2:59pm

Seriously, how do you disengage? I feel as if disengaging makes the skids think they have won. That is my opinion...Help me out here ladies!

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step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Thu, 04/25/2013 - 3:05pm

Excellent question.

And I have another: how do you disengage when Skid is with you FT and your bios are with you about 60%?

It's hard.

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

Submitted by ubrngoutdbitchnme on Thu, 04/25/2013 - 3:07pm

I am sorry to hear that your kids are only with you 60% of the time. I don't have any biokids of my own.

I have another question: What kind of bioligical mother abandons her kids and insists that she has done nothing wrong?!?

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 04/25/2013 - 3:11pm

How old are skids? I don't think you really can disengage if they are young. But if they are older than say...14ish...it should be pretty easy. IF AND ONLY IF DH steps up top the daddy plate.

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

Submitted by ubrngoutdbitchnme on Thu, 04/25/2013 - 3:35pm

My skids are SD17 and SS15. Since SD17 ran away to her BMs I have disengaged from her. Haven't spoken to her since last year June. Makes me bit sad and angry but it is what it is. SS is 15 going on 16. It is hard for me to disengage when SO is out of town for weeks at a time.

crazylife's picture

Submitted by crazylife on Thu, 04/25/2013 - 3:43pm

I have the same problem, my ss12 lives with us full time I have my BD's and they go to their dads EOW but ss never leaves and my husband is only home on the weekends. I try on the weekends the girls are home to do something away from the home with just them.. when they are gone for a weekend and its only ss here and my husband is home i try to get out and do something for ME or fake a headache and hide away for a weekend. But I to, would love to know how to disengage when your the only "parent" during the week .

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 04/25/2013 - 3:52pm

SO is out of town for weeks at a time.
++++++++++++++++++++
Well they are certainly old enough to disengage from. Does your SO know you want to step back? He really needs to NOT be out of town for weeks at a time.

My SS was 15 when he came to live with us. I had NOTHING to do with parenting him. That was DH's job.

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

Submitted by ubrngoutdbitchnme on Thu, 04/25/2013 - 4:07pm

My SO is considering selling his business that is in another country, so there will be no more of him going away. I don't want him to do that because it was his dream to start up the business that he has. He comes home tomorrow and SS15 and him are going to have a serious talk. SS15 may end up going to BMs for the summer after the bullshit he pulled with me this past weekend. I do NOT want to deal with SS after he has spent time with his bitter and vindictive BM. SO says that if he does go and comes back with an attitude that he will be sent back to live with her permanently. We shall see...

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Thu, 04/25/2013 - 4:07pm

Disengaging to me means not caring. I will feed anyone in my home but I might not care if they like it or if it is convenient, etc. With my skid (adult) disengaging means not really giving a damn whether he is homeless or not.

If there are minor kids in the home - doesn't matter if it is a skid or a neighbor's kid - I will make sure they are safe and fed. No more no less. Dont' give a damn about homework, boyfriends, friends, etc. No parenting just child care at most.