SD14 dropped a bomb on us this weekend….
I can't say that I'm surprised. I knew it was coming. Over dinner Friday night, SD14 told DH and I, that she wants to move in with us. She told us that she already told her mother and that her mom was REALLY pissed off about it.
Sighs….
I knew it was coming for many reasons. SD14 is no fool and she knows that her opportunities would change 10 fold if she lived with us. We have an amazing school district, almost all the kids that graduate go on to college. She'd play sports or be involved in some type of extra curricular activity. She'd have structure, which as I have told you all before, she is severely lacking.
I'm not really outraged about it because like I said, I've always known it was coming, but a part of me feels like "damn, am I ever gonna be done with fixing peoples problems?"
BS26 just moved out 2 weeks ago after coming back in August when he broke up with his GF. I even said to DH "Our house has a revolving door. One kid leaves, another comes in."
SD chimed in and said "You know very well if it were up to us, we would ALL live with you and never leave."
This is all BM's fault. SD sleeps in the same bed as BM. She is upset that she has no place to be, she feels suffocated and told her mother that either she needed to move to a bigger apartment so she can have her own bed and space or she was moving to her dads house.
BM called her ungrateful and spoiled. (Since when does WANTING YOUR OWN BED make you spoiled?)
BM is only mad because she knows her gravy train is coming to a complete halt. DH pays her $9400.00 a year in CS and she is going to be assed out when that $$ stops coming in.
I'm bracing myself, SD, while an ok kid, is full of habits that I will have to break. I did tell her very clearly in front of her dad "Well, as long as you know that while you may be your daddy's princess, I am the Queen of the castle and that in our home, what I say goes. As long as you never forget that, then we should be fine."
SD said "I know, I know your a little bit of a nag and can be a pain in the butt, but I'm ok with it cause you're nowhere near as bad as my mom."
:jawdrop:
I am sure I will be on here a LOT more once this truly happens. She told her dad she wants to live with us by the time Sophomore year begins. My life is truly a rollercoaster. I'd like to get off the ride now please. Uuugghhhh…..
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I know right? WTF!?!?! It's
I know right? WTF!?!?! It's like when one thing settles down another starts brewing.
I wonder if that is just my purpose on this Earth. To raise kids and try and turn them into productive human beings. It would be nice if there was a payoff at the end of all this "fixing."
I really hope that you have
I really hope that you have your own favorite wine hidden somewhere in your house for as much as you have had to deal with this last year!
This was us almost 2 years ago when SD16 decided to move in with us for a lot of the same reasons as you described above. The best thing we did was make a rules and regulations chart that hangs in our kitchen. We outlined chores, do's and don'ts, any thing we could think of so there was no question on where DH and I stand. It gets updated periodically but it's right there for her to see everyday.
Good Luck! It's a rocky transition but wine and a supportive DH helps a lot!
I'm more of a cold beer kinda
I'm more of a cold beer kinda gal. I like your Do's & Don'ts board idea. She needs one of those. She LOVES to break the rules and like I said, I will have to undo a lot of the bad habits that she's picked up living with a woman that is all types of ratchet. I've got my work cut out for me.
(in my best Bevis and
(in my best Bevis and Butthead voice) HAHAHA she said ratchet lmao. My BD13 LOVES that word. Just being silly
On a more serious note. You've conquered far bigger bitches then this one. Do like you do and kick ass and take names!
LOL, I didn't take offense
LOL, I didn't take offense cause I AM a nag and a pain in the butt, my own kids tell me that all the time.
They consider it nagging, I consider it parenting.
LOL, no I don't have that
LOL, no I don't have that kind of relationship with the Skids. It was rocky with SS when I kicked his ass out but he is so different now and he apologized to me for being a prick. SD is a tough cookie to crack, but she does love and respect me so while I'm sure she will be a handful, it's nothing that I can't handle.
Oh goodness. You DO have a
Oh goodness. You DO have a revolving door, don't you? She's the youngest of all the kids though, right? So hopefully this is the LAST one!
Hows BS doing? Has he heard from any more colleges? Is his name on the birth certificate yet, or has BM agreed to that?
Thinking of you! Wish I could buy you a beer!
Yes, she's the youngest. So
Yes, she's the youngest. So MAYBE this is it?!?!?!
BS17 is doing great. Thank you for asking. He and BM spoke this weekend about the BC and they are going next week while he is off for Winter Recess to add him and possibly to give her his name. He made a great case to her about wanting the baby to have his last name but told her that in the end he will leave it up to her.
She said she'd think about it, so maybe they can compromise and hyphenate both names? I'm hopeful.
Colleges…he verbally committed to the college of his choice but we are waiting for the financial package before it's set in stone. Schools are still calling and he is very blessed with more than a few options. Whoever sends the best $$$ package, gets him.
At the end of the day, the plan is college by any means necessary.
Oh she knows that. She saw
Oh she knows that. She saw that we didn't let that fly with SS22. Funny that even BS17 thinks she should live with us. He feels she needs us, as does SS22. She told us that her brother has been pushing for her to live with us for a while now.
Interesting isn't it? I must not be that bad that everyone figures their chances at a decent life are increased by living under my roof.
Damn, I might have to ramp up the evil SM antics. LOL!
"Why is an adult child moving
"Why is an adult child moving in with u. He needs to go to work make it on his own!"
I assume you mean my BS26? He does work, he's always worked. He lived with his GF and when they broke up he couldn't afford the apartment by himself so he moved in with us until he got his shit together. He moved out already into a new apartment.
As far as the possibility of your Skids moving in go. It's a possibility that we ALWAYS have to have in the back of our minds. You would THINK it will never happen to you because you figure "what mom would just hand over her kids like that?" But it seems to be a trend these days.
Man if I heard those horrific
Man if I heard those horrific words coming from Chef's non-existent lips I would vomit.
Chef: "Thinkthrice, Dominatrix and/or Prince Hygiene want to move in with us"
Me: "Then you and they can move out and live together in perfect harmony."
LOL @thinkthrice. Yeah I feel
LOL @thinkthrice. Yeah I feel you sista. Believe me, plenty of times I have thought about just packing my shit and flying away but I have to play fair. DH has been an INCREDIBLE StepDad to my BS17 and an even more incredible SGD to my GB so I have to reciprocate.
It's easy to prefer our
It's easy to prefer our house. They have their own rooms at our house. We have routine. Family dinners and movie nights. We actually sit and converse with each other. We have rules and boundaries and while most kids will say that they HATE that, deep down they actually CRAVE that.
Our social lives actually continue as normal, SD is not a baby and if we have stuff to do, we just go and do it. It's not like when they were younger that WE had to schedule our lives around the Skids. Those days are over thank God.
I'm sorry you went thru this
I'm sorry you went thru this but I'm not concerned with this type of behavior.
SD14, while a bit of a handful, she knows very well who calls the shots in my house and she also knows that DH will back me up when push comes to shove. She's not a bad kid and I am open to giving her a chance. Now, if she blows it, then she knows that she will have to go back to her momma.
I won't put up with ANY type of nonsense from her or anyone.
SD, has become quite a chameleon of sorts. She behaves one way at her moms and a completely different way with us. That is because she KNOWS the rules in our home and she knows not to break them.
Believe me, my eyes will be WIDE open.
I will tell you that when a
I will tell you that when a child wants to come it is easier. SS16 wanted rules and structure that he didn't get at his mom's. SD18 wanted no structure. They will have completely different lives. DH just hopes she stays off "the pole" as he puts it. SS we have had two years full time and BM only sees him occasionally. No influence from her at all. Without her chaos in her house, he has thrived. I love this kid now. Really had no use for him before. He is anti-social due to BM ignoring him and putting all focus on my SD. We used to say she sucked the energy out of every room she was in.
Now he talks and has a nice group of friends. He has a 3.0 GPA and is planning on AP classes his Sr. Year and starting to look at colleges. 4 years ago, we never thought he could go to college and survive. He is still a work in progress. He even bought me a sign for Christmas that says "Just try new things they are good for you, MOM." I swear that is my mantra with him. It has worked having our undivided attention. BS20 is off at college but he is a good influence. SS wants a productive life that his sister will probably not have. Thankfully I no longer have contact with her or DH does and most important is SS doesn't see her. He has not seen her since our family vacation fiasco Christmas of 2014.
Take her in, set rules and chores and be encouraging. You can make a difference for her. It feels really good to know we have with SS.