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Sleep Deprivation...

Vanessa68's picture

Submitted by Vanessa68 on Sat, 07/04/2015 - 11:46am

Good Morning….

I worked a 12 hr midnight shift last night, lets just say sleep deprivation will get your emotions rocking…:{
I ordered the book Step Monster and if got me through most of the night, a lot of wonderful information in there.

Sometimes it feels like years since I last saw him, we did spend quality time together, but also periods apart. I can't look at pictures yet, ahhh!!
I deleted all 600 phone messages, his contact information, and email.

I am afraid that if I am not constantly prepared, he is going to pop up out of no-where…lol

I think this anxiety in my stomach will subside in time, but it is nothing like the anxiety in the arcade…

But I am weepy, Sad
Its hurts... :O

Comments

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Sat, 07/04/2015 - 5:05pm

Yes, it hurts. It really does. Human relationships are hard-wired into us.

Get some sleep. You are right that that will help. But there will be pain. If you find a way to avoid that altogether and still be emotionally healthy you will become very rich because everyone has looked for that. It's just part of being human.

Good on you for deleting all that stuff. He was sucking you into what is really a hell and the bait he was using was all the good parts of his personality. But he has clear deficits and you caught a glimpse of them with his ridiculous parenting. Him poofing after 8 months is another. A decent man would have told you of his change of heart. But he will avoid the tiniest confrontation at all costs which is why his children are feral. For him, guiding them equals confronting them. That he cannot do. Don't look back.

Vanessa68's picture

Submitted by Vanessa68 on Sat, 07/04/2015 - 10:46pm

I had to read that twice, but I think you are bang on about that.

I am laying here now with my heart pounding, I hate this crap, but I have a much better understanding and I will not spend endless hour berating myself about what I should or could have done or said.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Sat, 07/04/2015 - 11:09pm

Sorry that you're hurting now.

Sorry that you imagined him to be a man of value, a man who was worthy to love and visualize a life with ... His radio silence really bites. Reminds me of the joke about the guy who broke up with his girlfriend via text, and "CC:" his new girlfriend.

It really will get better and you deserve so much more than this. Eat some protein, try to sleep, good luck.