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I am trying to dissengage and having a hard time!

vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Sun, 01/10/2010 - 8:02pm

I feel like all i'm doing is ignoring SS's, and all they seem to do is lie and fight to get attention, I wonder if they are looking for my attention or if they are just being brats.Does anyone have any advice to help me out here?

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Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Mon, 01/11/2010 - 6:05am

Vgill, do you have any nieces or nephews? If you do, it may be best for your situation to 'act' as an aunt to your SS's. For example, if they were your nephews, and you were at their house, you would engage in the playfulness, but if they started acting up, you would back off and allow their parents to discipline or take control. If their parents chose not to discipline, would you step in and act as the parent? Or would you disengage?

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Mon, 01/11/2010 - 6:15am

It just feels that the only time that they are behaving, they want something from me, and so far that holds true! If they are being nice to me they want me to do something for them and if I say I can't or that is something that you can do by yourself, they flip out and yell at me, call me names, just being so f'king bratty that I feel like throttleing them!!!I sometimes feel the olnly way to live in the same house with them is to just ignore their existance, because just saying goodmorning to them usually has one of them yelling at me! What else can I do!!????

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Mon, 01/11/2010 - 6:23am

Vgill, if they are verbally abusing you, that is still abuse. And if your DH is allowing them to get away with it, I would suggest you leave the situation completely. If I remember correctly, you and your DH have a Biochild also correct? What happens when the skids start to abuse this child as well and DH just sticks his head in the sand?

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Mon, 01/11/2010 - 6:30am

DH isn't here when they do this. We just started a new business and DH is working betweem 14 and 16 hours a day. When he is here they get it from DH, he will discipline them. Dh and i are really trying to deal with this but according to therepists they are just feeling anger as they feel they were rejected by their own BM, Duh!! I don't want them either!

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Mon, 01/11/2010 - 6:35am

Vgill, idk, if it was me, everything would be out of their rooms for an entire month except for a mattress until they learned to respect me. Then I would have them write out the names that they were calling me on a piece of paper until it completely filled it front and back.

I have a feeling that either the punishment for them isn't strict enough, or it isn't being stuck to. How old are they again?

___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Mon, 01/11/2010 - 6:50am

I already tried, emptying their rooms, they didn't care! I swear they just love chaos, and if their isn't any at thet moment, they will create it! they just love hurting people. I don't know how to get through to them!!