Very mixed emotions

SO and I went to buy carpet today and he is going to his mother's tomorrow to start getting the room ready to move in.

My emotions have been all over the place and today I felt a sense of sadness. I just want to rip the band aid off and be done with it.

I am going to miss having him there all the time. Going to bed together, running errands together, just hanging out. The just him and I part of our relationship is good, we are good together.

But just a few days ago when YSD was being inappropriate at an extracurricular activity. Slapping her father in the arm, making squealing noises and yelling when she talked. Then later when we got home completely ignoring her father when he asked her to bring her laundry out. Then yelling at him at the top of her lungs and telling him she hated him because he had to keep asking her.

At that moment I felt a sense of relief they are leaving soon, because I was sick and tired of the constant screaming, swearing and blatent disrespect.

Part of me knows our relationship will be better when we aren't fighting over SKs. I will be able to get mentally healthy again, not living in constant chaos and being abused daily. I will be a better girlfriend to him when I am no longer anxious, stressed, and depressed from living in a toxic unhealthy environment.

I will be able to get my control back. Right now I have no power or control in my own home. Once they move out when SKs come to visit if they are disrespectful to me I can tell them to leave because I will not be spoken to that way in my home.

Also it doesn't matter what I think or believe when it comes to OSD. I know in my heart that if I did not give him the opportunity to try to reconnect with her and allowed him to choose me. He would always harbor "what ifs" in the back of his mind if they remained estranged and he didn't try to fix it.

I know he would harbor resentment for choosing me and I don't want that.

Plus I hope YSD learns something from this. As I read through texts of her telling me that her sister left because of me, YSD hates her father because of me. He lost both his children and it's all my fault. She wishes I would just die, because I am a stupid C@#t.

When she has to go back to sharing a room with her sister and they are stealing from each other and trying to kill each other all the time and she loses the peace, structure and comfort I have tried to provide for her. Maybe, just maybe she will appreciate what she has and everything I have done for her.

Wicked stepmo.'s blog
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Yes, it will be hard. I can't

Yes, it will be hard. I can't imagine not having DH living with me. I like having "me" time but after a couple of hours, I miss him!

But, like you said, you have to step back and give him the chance to be a dad and they need to see that all of their issues actually have nothing to do with you.

The way that you guys are handling it, in agreement and not in anger, I think you will come out of it stronger as a couple. I know you will miss him, though.

I definitely hope this is

I definitely hope this is what's best for everyone.

It's sad, i know. But you

It's sad, i know. But you know you can't live with his dysfunction. It's hard. Wondering if you can live apart and make it work. Wondering if, since you know you can't live together, if it's even worth it. You want answers. A plan. A definite timeline of how things will go. Will she ever grow up and leave? Is it worth the wait?

My SO and i got back together too, and things got better for a while. But now he's back to being daycare for his nephew and he informed me that his histrionic personality disordered 21-year-old daughter is moving back in with him and any illusions that he could make his house a non-miserable shithole have been shattered. I'm an idiot and apparently was delusional. These guys don't have it in them to live without dysfunction because they ARE dysfunction. They created it.

Stay strong and take one day at a time. I hope things work out for you. Make it so you are ok, and will be ok, no matter what your SO or his daughter does or thinks. I know you hope this will finally make him realize, finally make him see, the dysfunction. But it's only when you no longer care what he realizes that you will be free. With or without him. Me too. I'm working on it and sending you good vibes.

Thank you. We are going to

Thank you. We are going to attend counseling together and the girls are going to be getting services soon.

He will have lots of help and support and it's best I just be his girlfriend and let the professionals work with him and the girls.

I am just too emotionally spent to be any help to him. When you are a parent you have an emotional bond that helps you weather the difficult times. But as an outsider it takes a much harder toll.

Yes, it sure is harder. Good

Yes, it sure is harder. Good luck. Your situation isn't an easy one.

That is truth

Hugs to you Wicked, and hang in there. I hope you guys make it through to the other side.

Brave decision. Good luck.

I don't know which is worse,

I don't know which is worse, the mothers who hoard the kids and cut the father out, or the mothers who f*** up the kids and then dump them on the father.

Seems like a good plan for your sanity and for your son's well-being. I have a divorced friend who refuses to live with her BF at least until her son is out of the house, and it seems to work fine for them. The worrisome part is that your SO's kids are are going to struggle with these emotional issues for a while, and you know BM will be in and out stirring things up.

I'm not sure about that. BM

I'm not sure about that. BM doesn't really love her kids, she just doesn't want them to like anyone else. When SO and I first started dating she had nothing to do with them.

She wouldn't even come pick them up to give SO a break. That's why the girls were so easily influenced by her she was offering them what they always wanted, which was a relationship with her. The only thing was that relationship came with conditions that they couldn't like me.

I have a feeling once she knows we aren't living together anymore. She will think she won and lose interest. That will cause a whole new set of issues for them when they are once again rejected by their mother.

SOs mother told me this is her pattern with every relationship SO has ever had. That's why none of his previous relationships have lasted.

Honestly, with a mom like

Honestly, with a mom like this, total rejection is the better option, in my opinion. Then they can settle down and get therapy and figure out who she really is, without her popping in and messing with their heads periodically. So hopefully that does happen.

I plan on being very rigid

I plan on being very rigid when it comes to OSD. SO and her need to go to counseling first. Then she has to agree to counseling with me before I will ever even consider letting her back in my home even for a visit.

OSD is too far gone that her behavior places others at risk. Especially now that she has shown she will not think twice about putting her hands on an adult. I am not afraid of her, but refuse to expose my son to domestic violence.

I don't know if she would ever have the cahones to come at me But I am not going to take that chance. It is my job to protect him first and couldn't imagine how he would react or feel seeing someone try to attack his mother.

I remember growing up with my half brother doing that to my parents. As a child I was questioned by police and social services because my brother would play the victim, It's not something a child should have to deal with.

Sounds like a good plan.

You're a good mom and you are

You're a good mom and you are doing the right thing. Like someone said above, you will probably end up stronger as a couple but understandably you will miss each other; however, keep in mind when you do see each other, you can really invest in the time and make it wonderful.

Kudos to you for doing what you feel is the best

And know that you will get through this and have your happy back in your home. Your sense of relief in knowing that you're doing what you know is best for you and your son is important.

hugs, hang in there!

Thank you. It is tough right

Thank you. It is tough right now going through a roller coaster of emotions. On the one hand SO and I are getting along so much better because I feel like a weight has been lifted off me and I feel guilty at times

But then when SD does something like today when she is screaming at SO because she didn't listen and is mad because she burned her breakfast. Or at 13 she ruined my toaster by putting globs of nutella in it for whatever insane reason. I start counting the days until they leave.

Hugs, Wicked.

It will be tough, but your peace of mind and peace are home are so important for you mental AND physical health. Hopefully, this will be a catalyst for change for the SDs.

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