I think they would be exactly the same as they are. DH is the one that picks up the slack because BM is a lazy loser. That is why he left her. He saw it coming, and he was completely correct.

He is the one that is involved in education, sports, social life... BM just HAS him 50% of the time. She doesn't actually DO anything with him. She is too busy trying to keep her head above water while not actually WORKING. You know. Trying to survive without an actual JOB is almost MORE work that GETTING A JOB and WORKING for your money. I don't understand why she does that to herself :?

I dont think anything would change on our BM's side but FDH is an amazing dad I wish we had them 50/50 instead of eow it is breaking his heart he cant see them more. And I also agree no child support it pisses me off when the girls say mommy bought me this, all I want to do is scream No mommy used daddy's money your mommy is a gold digging Wh#$@.

My FDH nearly has 50/50 - just is not the CP. His Ex is a lazy parent and the Skids have him convinced that they are neglected at her house. They are not - she just does not coddle them. She buys more fast food than she cooks, is not a great housekeeper, and does not run the kids all over the world to suit their every whim. That is hardly neglect.

FDH has made them think life for kids should be 24/7 fun where adults exist to serve them. Of course they are going to like it better at dad's house!

If he and his ex had stayed together, I am sure she would be the same here ... lazy about housekeeping etc, but would the kids be used as a pawn in the battle over who the better parent is? Nope. That would be out of the equation, so I think the kids would be a lot less catered to and might have more expectations.

FDH would STILL only see them Thurday to Sunday as he travels during the week ... would that guilt him into being a Disney Daddy? I don't think so. Maybe I am wrong, I will never know.

I think DH would be a better parent to his kids because he did the majority of the child care while they were little (due to being laid off).

I think that BM would be a worse parent because she would slack off if DH was there to pick up her slack.

But I could be wrong. Maybe BM would have learned better ways to parent your children rather than sit on the couch and scream at them. Maybe DH would have given up caring about how his kids were raised.

Hard for me to say as DH and BM were never a couple...He was more involved before me, because BM thought she had a chance with DH, so she didn't give him grief with how he parented and gave him a lot of latitude...Once he got engaged, it changed...Surely she should have known that ONE day he was going to get married or something...eh...

He's always been a great dad, IMO...He just has to work even harder now...

1. Maybe.

2. Hell no.

IDK? This is hard for me to imagine. My bm,at one point, seemed to be an "OK" parent-not great or even good, but passable. However there have been so many years gone by of drug/alcohol use, boyfriend after boyfriend that I am not sure she is even passable now. If she and dh would have stayed together I am unsure whether she would have used or not.

How would my dh be as a parent if eh stayed with bm? Eh, I'm not really sure. Honestly, I think it would depend on how bm was doing and parenting herself. My dh has some good parenting ideas, and can really be a good dad, but he seems to lack either the motivation or self-confidence to do so without someone standing behind him encouraging him or supporting him. He is a pretty good dad to my/our kids but he also has me doing at least half of parenting and tasks for the kids and has me backing him up if he wants to discipline them or lay down rules for them (which he does). But with ss-I disengaged years ago so he is on his own- and he just doesnt seem to know what to do with that.

BF has 50/50 and i think it would have worked better had they stayed together. but it would have still be far from perfect. BM loves to deal with the important stuff, school and doctor stuff, but hates the day to day stuff, like a well balanced meal and bathing. BF hates the big stuff but loves the day to day stuff. So with EOW they kids are missing out on the quality each week that the other parent brings but I am pushing BF to take a bigger interest in the big stuff.

But I don't think BM and BF were in love any more and it's important for kids to grow up in a loving environment.

From what I can gather, it sounds like DH's relationship/marriage to BM was doomed from the beginning. They are like gasoline and an open flame to each other. From what a couple close friends (of DH's) have mentioned, it sounds like their relationship was based on drinking, bar hopping, etc and nobody ever thought the relationship would last longer than a week after the wedding ceremony. They had the SK's less than a year later, and a year after that they had separated and filed for divorce.

Lots has changed for my DH (like he stopped the bar hopping, drinking) but it doesn't look like much has changed for BM - at Skids' sporting events she smells of liquor ALL.THE.TIME. So no, I don't think anyone would have been better off if that marriage had gone on longer than it did. It was a ticking time bomb anyways. And the toxic environment they had together would have encompassed the SK's even more than it does since their divorce (at least now DH and BM don't live in the same household). And I truly think that their love of drinking would have ended in some sort of catastrophe had they stayed together and continued down the road they were going.