is it really that hard to SHARE?
why is it that little kids who go to school and can share there, share at there BM's house, and share at daycare cant seem to grasp the concept of sharing at our house? SS6 cant seem to understand that he has to share his toys or coloring books with his little brother (my bio son that is 1.5). DH and I both have said "when you are playing with your brother you have to share. He is not going to hurt any of your things and only wants to see them for a minute and then will put them down and you can have them back." DH got on to SS6 the other day for not sharing and whining about BS1 TOUCHING his coloring book when BS1, SS6, and myself were coloring in the floor. DH stepped out side for a moment (business call) and again SS6 does this and so I told him to give me the crayons take his coloring book and put it up and to go sit in time out for 1. whining and for 2. yanking the book away from his brother (which at this point the book he was using was his brothers not his own) he in return tells me "no i am still coloring" so I tell him "no your not you are going to time out for not sharing after being told you had to share when playing with your brother and now you can sit there an extra 6 minutes for back talking me." he throws the crayons on the floor and runs off crying. When DH came in side he asked where SS6 was and I told him what happened and that I sent him to time out for it. DH said that was fine and he doesn't get how he doesn't understand he sharing when he does it all the time with other kids. I told him I didn't get it either. So now every time he doesn't share whatever he is not sharing gets taken away and he has to do his time out session. We do not give the item back right after time out either because we don't want him to think that he gets it back to do all over again (per DH) but if he can share and play nice he can have it back (so basically SS6 has to prove that he can share). I don't see anything wrong with that and I don't think I did anything wrong by putting him in time out (i actually think its a lot better than popping him on the butt which BM or DH would have done) but ever since then he doesn't listen to anything I say unless I raise my voice at him. rebellious little monster! I guess it was how I was raised but aren't you supposed to respect any and all adults that you are around regardless? I mean I am a SD to 2 step parents and too be completely honest I love both of them (sometimes more than my Bio parents) and respect both of them. I just don't understand if it is just plan out animosity or if his behavior trickles over from the BM's home where he is allowed to do what he wants when he wants too. either way something has to give cause he is driving me nuts!
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Comments
The problem isn't that the 6
The problem isn't that the 6 year old can't share. It's the age difference. The SS wants to protect his things. Most likely he isn't interested in the 1 year old's things so the sharing will always be one sided. What happens if SS is/becomes interested in his brother's toys? Will you force the younger one to always share as well? It's ok not to share everything. Have SS come up with a list of things he is willing to share with his brother.
That would be fine if it
That would be fine if it wasn't Bs1's stuff that SS is playing with and doesn't want to share. We make my son share his toys except his Elmo stuff. SS shares all his stuff except Ben 10 and ninja turtle toys (because those are the special things to each of them). It being the age difference is bull cause SS has a cousin that is the same age that he shares with ALL THE TIME. I think it is just a here thing and that fact that he will take things from his brother and not give them back at all and then say " I was playing with it first"( when I know I handed it to my son) is crap! SS6 only does that kind of stuff when his dad is not standing over him watching him. The only thing I can think of to do is when he starts that snatching things crap is to let BS1 play with whatever toy out of SS6's toy box and then say "since you want to not share his toys he is going to play with yours til your done playing with his" and not care if SS pitches a fit or cries.
Apparently you didn't read my
Apparently you didn't read my other post on this same blog. My SS6 plays with all my BS1's toys and doesn't want to share them. Point is SS6 has his own toys and plays with them until BS1 has a toy. As soon as BS1 has a toy SS6 feels the need to take that toy away from him. It's ok though cause I am about to put a stop to all of it. Only time SS6 is told to share at all is when he says "I am going to play with my brother" and I am sorry if no one else feels this way but in MY HOUSE saying that you are playing WITH someone constitutes as you either share or don't play with them and their stuff. When he is taking things away to start trouble that's exactly what he is going to get into...trouble. My BS1 has dinosaur toys that SS6 tries to take and hid so BS1 can't play with them (and that is just an example of what he has done on top of snatching things out of BS1's hand). So say what you want about seeing them differently but it's not true. I don't see why everyone thinks that a 6 year old is not going to be interested in a 1 year olds toys. Apparently they all think of "baby toys" which is not what my BS1 has a lot of. Most of his toys are cars, farm animals, dinosaurs, and some learning toys...ALL of which SS6 plays with.
I have a SS6 and BS2 and go
I have a SS6 and BS2 and go threw the exact same situation you are. SO I do understand, when the SS6 doesn't share I start taking away his favorite toys and give them to BS2...for the day or however long. That has worked for me, my SS6 is sharing now! Good Luck!