Thanks Ladies for the comments! Im at a loss as to what to do...she has just walked in the door from school...im here blogging so i dont go off on her...sent DH an email at work...havent gotten an answer as of yet...DH and I have been having words today so I'm not sure he has looked at his emails yet...I have been feeling very sad and neglected as of late and sent him a long email earlier today expressing my feelings and hurt...NOW THIS!!!!! UGH! Is it the full moon?
Yes SD13 has a long list of "issues" and has been in consistant therapy and sees a psych dr to regulate her meds...she uses manipulation/cutting/hoarding foods/she urinates or deficates on herself or in her room when she doesnt get her way...and the list goes on and on.....This child is one mean two faced brat who can look dead at you, cry and swear that she did not do said crime and be FLAT LYING!!!!! No guilt or care because she has a long list of areas to lay her blame...we can all relate to being the wicked step mom who causes the skid to act out...im just so sick and tired of all of the crap i have willingly put up with over the years because I have genuine feelings for SD13 and the crap her BM has put her through and the abuse she has lived through...of course the total blame for the kid being disfunctional is because of me the SIL and MIL cant understand that this kid had issues long before i came along and the emotional abuse the DH allowed her BM to put them all through is the real issue...not me!! They have even said SD13 has issues because I dont hug her enough!!! i have worked really hard over the past month and 6 days to disengage and let her have no one to blame her troubles on....before she would cry to her dad behind my back saying: "She picks on me" "Im always in trouble" "she is just nice in front of you" and tries to con her daddy into believing that I am the problem not her...she has tried the con on others who dont know the real situation and they have felt like telling her dad that I might not be being fair because of what the SD13 tells them...strictly on her crying wolf to the aquantaince who she can con into taking her side...(this makes me sick and i cant believe that DH would even give any type of creed to a sranger telling him how his wife treats his disfuntional daughter he says that he doesnt believe them or her but i know it is always in the back of his mind) now that I am bending over backwards to just be nice to her and ignore her behavior and not give her any reason to balme her troubles on me...she is doing more and more stuff...Like this burning paper crap...(odd how the ONLY person who didnt wake up to the alarm was SD13?!?!?!duhhhhhhhh dad?!?!) when i told DH i was DONE and he would have the job of raising his daughter not me...DH origionally stepped it up and was all over her ass...like he never has before...he was great...i was shocked and very happy...felt that he could see her for what she is and he was able to not come home to a cranky wife and a DD who was in trouble for her actions while he was at work....She was really shaken and seemed to be concerned with her dad being disapointed in her...her actions did not change but she seems to be listening to him...he asked her to be nice to me and treat me with the same respect that she shows to her bus driver...She can not/will not do even that...she is fake nice in front of DH...and tries to start a conversation with me 5 minutes before her dad comes in the door from work...SD13 is not being nice and is breaking the rules her dad has set but now he is doing nothing!! he is ignoring the fact that SD13 is constantly being nasty and mean...DH has slacked off on what he is doing and there is no reason for him to not be right on her ass...she is snide behind his back and gives me the smugg "ahaha you cant do anything about it" comments/looks I am wondering what he will do with this one...it is going to take all that is in me to "just let him handle this"
Hope I am not the one having to start a fire under DH @ss tonight...I fear more than fire alarms may be going off in my house tonight!!!!!!!!

Nanny 911.....love it!! I'm so ready for this kid to grow up and be able to leave my home! I know she will not change and she will try to control our home no matter where she lives...but not having to deal with her every single day will be a relief! I have had 10 long years of her acts and she really is a spoiled tantrum laden toddler who thinks she can and should be able to control her beloved daddy! She often writes in her journal that she wants me to be gone so she and her "daddy" can live together in an apartment...she writes that she wants her daddy to take her to the mall all the time and take her shopping and let her friends have sleep overs (she has very few friends due to her nasty two faced personality...doesnt she realize that her personality wont change that i dont have control over her school friends? Her treatment of others will be the same even if i wasnt in her life!?!?) she says that she wants her dad to say to her "you have been right all these years and it will neverrrrrrrrrr happen again" (quote from her journal) she has listed several times her deepest desire for me to be "out of her life at all cost" and that she "would do anything to make her dad leave me".... she has made lists of all the things that she has tried in the past to get me out of her life and that she wants to "bash her (me) in the head with a rock" and "break all of her(my)bones"!
after finding this burned paper I am wondering if she thinks that burning our home down is her answer to splitting her dad and I up??
I can only hope that DH will take this very seriously and drive his point home that she will never be in control of this family! DH should be scared because IF i left HE would still have her in his life and then SHE would have learned that SHE is in ultimate control over her Dear Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She will have all the power and he will have lost more than just me and his adoring stepdaughters (my bio daughters).....

love that idea! I think a video monitor would be ideal....as she is up sneaking around when we are asleep.....ideas?

##UPDATE##
I am so angry that I am shaking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DH came home last night and told me that I needed to "trust him and let him take care of this....He's Got THIS" I take a VERY VERY deep breath and say a prayer...and nod my head.....(mind you all that I had sent DH a very long email at work stating my concern over our marriage and how his recient statements have hurt me and asking him to explain... DH had promised to "discuss" anything I wanted with him when he got home from work last night or today...that he wanted to write out his feeling too like I had done...)SOOOO I choked it all back and went about the evening being very pleasant...DH had rented a movie and was trying to hug me and be all sweet and touchy feely...so I just decided to play along and see what happened.....NOT ONE WORD WAS SAID TO SD13!
Today after DH has been very sweet and extra charming I ask DH about the paper because i had this second sence "feeling" that DH knew more than he was letting on about this burned paper...I picked a time where I was in a public place to ask DH about this to safe guard myself from blowing my top and YELLING....DH admits that he had found the paper and a lighter in SD13's room hidden under the mattress of a futon!!! This discovery happened last week when he moved the futon mattress that is in SD13's room to use on our weekend get away!! He says that he took the lighter that was with the paper thinking that it was from SS19??? and did not look at the paper?? (ss19 lived with us 16 months ago and the futon had been moved into SD13's room only 4 months ago....have to remove mattress to move futon?? SO DH has no lodgic in WHY he felt that the LIGHTER and paper were from ss19!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Also 3 times over the past few weeks our fire alarm has been going off at 2 am??????? DH seems to not be able to connect these 2 things together?????????? (to be continued.....) There is WAY MORE to add.....) But im proud that I have not raised my voice one bit so far very difficult for me to not explode...
I had to write about this right now as we going to support group meeting for "parents of difficult children" in a minute....I am so mad I dont know what to do!!!!

Back from meeting.....was so upset I could not take my turn and discuss what has happened and now the lax treatment SD13 is getting over this...said "I can not say anything about these 2 weeks because i can not be nice and I am very upset" When DH's turn came up he did not answer or give any comment on anything that had happened...CHICKEN!!! I feel that HE should have brought it up in group and saw what others had to say....but NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I am just hetting madder by the minute...SD13 got a lecture?? from DH this afternoon and was watching TV drawing happily when we left for our support meeting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does anyone else have any concerns over this or am I blowing this up into something??? I am so physically upset over all of this!!!! THIS is NO joke to me!!!!! My BD13 shares the same corner of the house as SD13 (side by side bedrooms) Now I fear for BD13's safety even more....Psych dr already has us sleep with our doors locked.......
Dont know how much more I can take!?!?!