Another day another drama- Today it's that BM wants proof of my income, supposedly to get her name off DH's mortgage
We live in DH's house. He bought out BM and she signed a quit claim deed. That was the extent of their agreement. This was eight years ago. However, BM is still on the mortgage. I honestly don't think either of them even thought about that until BM went to buy a new house 4 years ago. Then she asked DH to assume the mortgage on this house. DH has tried to assume the loan twice but since he is self employed and his income is so unpredictable, the bank won't approve it.
BM was able to get her house, but she wants DH to keep trying to assume the loan on this one.
We got married in May, BM first asked me to refinance the house with my name on the mortgage. I said no. Now she says that since our state is a community property state, I am required to provide proof of my income as DH can list half of it on a third application to try to assume the mortgage. We maintain separate finances. I feel I had nothing to do with their agreement and I should not have to have anything to do with trying to resolve the unintended consequences of their agreement.
BM is threatening to make DH sell this house. I don't think she can do that, but even if she could, I think she'd have to give him back the money he paid to buy her out.
I am not going to give her proof of my income and I am not going to sign anything at all related to this house. The only reason I even live here is because their CO requires them to stay within a certain number of miles of each other and when we buy a new house it will be far, far away from BM!
ETA- Based on comments below it seems I should have been more clear that DH is already on the mortgage with BM, he is just trying to assume it under his name alone, but the bank won't let him. So as it stands, DH is the only one on the deed, DH and BM are on the loan. I also am not sure where people got the idea BM pays the mortgage from as that is not the case. She's a waitress, I have no idea how she qualified for her house and I don't care. I pay DH rent in the amount of half his mortgage payment, he pays the other half, except for the times when he doesn't have it and I wind up giving him the whole amount. I agree it was short sighted on both their parts not to consider the mortgage when making their agreement, I just don't see why I should have to fix their fuck up.
I am also suspicious as to why she has been okay with status quo for so long and now wants my info. I think there might be other reasons.
- Yosemite's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Sounds like she's trying to
Sounds like she's trying to get out of a dud agreement by giving it to you. I would think if your DH had bought her out of her half of the house then she can't force him to sell it. I would most definetely not put my name or income anywhere near that!
The most the court will do is
The most the court will do is force him to try to assume the mortgage. If the bank won't approve it & he is paying on time she's SOL - she can't force him to do anything much less you. Even if you refinanced into your name you still would have to give proof of income to the mortgage company not BM.
The court may not be able to
The court may not be able to force a bank to approve a mortgage, but the court could force the house to be sold.
I think they should have
I think they should have thought out their agreement more carefully way back when. Even if BM has legal recourse of some kind, it would be with DH, not with me. I don't care if she's furious or not. She had no trouble spending the money she received and she had no problem with being on the mortgage for quite some time. I am no lawyer, but I think if it comes to court and a judge were to order it sold, BM would have to reimburse DH the money he paid her. She doesn't have it anymore.
Either way, nothing to do with me.
Actually Yosemite, she may
Actually Yosemite, she may not have to reimburse your DH for the money he paid her, but she might not be entitled to any of the equity either once sold. Depends on what their agreement was.
I'm sorry but I agree with the BM. I would want my name off the house too.
Regardless, the agreement was
Regardless, the agreement was between BM and the OP's H. The BM cannot demand she submit proof of income. Nor can she demand the OP refinance using her income.
OP, check this out carefully. I don't believe you can be involved, nor will this be considered community property between you and your H.
I'm sure the BM is furious, but she should take it out on her exH and not try and involve the OP. The BM is grasping at straws and she and her exH should have settled this before he remarried.
BM has the right to demand
BM has the right to demand that unicorns shoot flaming Oreos at Yosemite's head, that doesn't mean she will get what she wants.
This is beautiful laugh out
This is beautiful laugh out loud imagery on this Friday morning
They did a terrible job on
They did a terrible job on this agreement. I am pretty sure you cannot be forced into anything. No way.
I can understand bm wanting off the mortgage, however, she should of thought this out years ago.
Make sure he makes payments on time, then the courts will not get involved. He just needs to keep trying to get her name off.
Please marry me.
Please marry me.
Who...me or meerkat....or
Who...me or meerkat....or both?
Omg. That is manipulative! I
Omg. That is manipulative! I don't know why on earth she thinks she should get that information from you. Even IF you guys decided to get a mortgage together she would not be privy to that information
Haha, try again BM. You don't get to know!
Two can play the dish out
Two can play the dish out problems game. I generally try to rise above BM's drama but if I am gonna have to deal with her drama any way, I can always just refuse to help DH next time he doesn't have his half. Then she can get some late payments for her trouble.
I am not a party to the
I am not a party to the agreement they made with each other or its unintended consequences. I have a pre-nup and recently obtained a post nup that both include the fact that I am not responsible for this house because I did know BM's name is on the mortgage. I'm not sure what made you think I didn't. BM's name on the mortgage doesn't make her an owner. She signed the quit claim deed, so now she owes the loan but no longer owns the house, which is a situation she put herself in. I don't think either she or DH realized it would be an issue at the time but it has been 8 years and she was perfectly fine with it for 4 of those years. Then when DH tried to assume the loan and could not, she just asked him to keep trying which he has. Now she wants me in on it.
As for the CO, it states that they will live within a certain distance from each other to facilitate coparenting. Neither can move out of that radius unless the other moves too. I want to buy a new house but not that close to BM. So since we had to live in the area and DH wanted to stay in his house, I agreed to do so until the kids are grown, then we will move.
If DH winds up having to sell, that is no skin off my nose at all. I hate this house.
I don't see why you seem to think that marrying DH means I suddenly am responsible to fix the fuck up in their agreement. I respect your opinion on lots of things, but I can't see where you're coming from on this one.
I spoke to a lawyer about it this morning and lawyer says I can't be forced to involve myself in this in any way. So BM can go fuck herself.
That still doesn't mean that
That still doesn't mean that she has to cough up her financial info to BM!
Who says I want to live in a
Who says I want to live in a house with no responsibility and without paying for it? I pay my share. I don't want to be on the mortgage and I don't have to because it's not my mortgage.
I have both pre-nup and a post nup. I spoke to my lawyer this morning and I am in the clear.
I haven't done anything to BM at all. I am just refusing to fix her and DH's fuck up. I really don't care what happens with the house. If a judge said I had to be included in their mess in any way ever, including this house or CS or anything else, we will get a quickie divorce and go back to shacking up. End of story.
Totally agree with Echo on
Totally agree with Echo on this. Why should that woman have to be responsible for your mortgage.Your married to the guy and live in the house why shouldn't the two of you refi it together. I think it is so easy to blame all of our problems on the BM, rather than look at it for what it is.
It's not my mortgage. It's
It's not my mortgage. It's the mortgage DH and BM signed when they were married. She has never paid a dime, even when they were married.
It's not my problem they failed to consider the mortgage when they decided to make an agreement that he would pay her and she would sign a quit claim. I agree DH and BM have to work it out, but I don't want to be involved at all. DH has tried twice to assume the mortgage under his name alone and the bank won't approve him.
Not my concern.
Deleted
Deleted
LOL! For some reason this
LOL! For some reason this makes me really want to know what you were going to say.
I'm going to side with BM on
I'm going to side with BM on this one. You should either A - Refinance with your DH and you BOTH are responsible for the home you live in OR B - Sell the house and buy another.
I personally could NEVER live in a house that BM used to live in. Nor could I ever live in a home that her name is on.
i would be PISSED if my name was on anything of my ExH. So sorry, you can't have your cake and eat it too. You don't need to give BM your financials but you SHOULD go talk to a bank and refinance that house and get her name off it.
Why should I do that? I don't
Why should I do that? I don't want this house, I never agreed to be responsible for the mortgage on it and I hope DH does have to sell it. It is not my job to worry about whether BM is pissed at the stupid choices she made or not.
I pay rent in the amount of half the mortgage and I have helped DH pay the whole thing when he was short the money, which helped out BM too as she would have had late payments if I didn't, although I didn't do it for her, I did it for DH.
Well said, notasm.
Well said, notasm.
Exactly! I was starting to
Exactly! I was starting to wonder if I was on some other site, lol. Why the heck are people saying I should care about what BM wants, feels or owes?
I agree DH needs to do everything he can to try and get BM's name off the mortgage. However, both of them screwed this up and if he can't, he can't. Then DH and BM will just have to live with it until he can.
Either way, not my problem.
Or even better, what's that popular phrase here, not my monkey not my circus? Well in this case not my tent, not my circus!