In case you didn't know, FDH, I could care less about your opinion on how much or how often I spend MY money on MY kids- Rant
I am trying to be understanding because his dad passed away recently but FDH is PISSING me off with sticking his nose into my financial affairs! I put $2000 down on a brand new car for my BD19 for her birthday and he is running his mouth about it. We have separate finances. BD19 got her loan herself, I just put down the down payment as a birthday gift. He is bitching about the money I spend on my kids. I pay my own bills including my share of our household expenses, I have savings and I also have money going towards our retirement someday. So what does he care what I do with the rest of my money? BD19 is on her own, has a good job and is attending a university. What else does he want? Seriously he needs to get out of my face already!
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Don't get mad at me for
Don't get mad at me for saying this because u sound a little agitated right now. I don't know your situation but were I stand DH and I both work and every dime that comes in this house is "ours". We make a spread sheet each month and pay our bills and his CS and get grocieries and then if we are lucky enough by the end of the month to have any significant left overs we split it evenly in both our wallets. When income tax rolls around some goes into each kids college fund and we sit and discuss together what we will do with the rest. again I don't know your situation but I know that the topic of money has caused cracks in many a relationship. So mabey if you work together and make choices as a team it wont be so frustrating. Don't bite my head off its just my opinion.
I think that every situation
I think that every situation is different. If that works for you, then great. In my situation, we split bills 50/50 and we each keep the rest of our money separated. We will give opinions on what the other spends but that is it. I think this really only works though when both people have full time jobs. Personally, I am against sharing accounts when we have different family members and priorities because we aren't an original "intact family".
yes every situation is
yes every situation is different. plus I didn't walk into the relationships with any bios so mabey I should keep my mouth shut.
No bios for me either, which
No bios for me either, which is part of my bias right off the bat! -- I'm sorry; I hope you didn't take that the wrong way. I really feel that it is different for every couple. That is probably the reason that there are so many money fights to begin with, because so many people feel so strongly one way or another. Many people feel everything should be shared, and others feel it should be separate. -- I'm a "separate", so one of my favorite money stories is from a security guard at work that has been married for 50 years. He said that his wife has a gambling problem, and they would have been divorced years ago if they hadn't always kept their money separate. She only had access to lose her own spending money, so it was never a real issue for them.
When my mother married my
When my mother married my stepfather, my brother and I were older teens, and his kids were under 12. Their child expenses were very different. Keeping their money separate absolutely worked for them. They did not interfere with what the other paid toward their respective kids. Not combining money was the only way to not have any resentment with the other's spending. They've been married almost 25 years, so it does work for them. You're meeting your household obligations, and are doing well with saving. Your DH needs to zip it and leave you alone. Stay strong.
just wondering if he's
just wondering if he's struggling financially?
My mom co-signed a car loan
My mom co-signed a car loan for me because I was divorced, had bad credit and my engine blew on my vehicle. It was horrible. All she did was sign her name. I paid for everything. I paid it off early even. My stepfather was threw the roof over it and had such a big fit that I could not come home for Thanksgiving that year. I spent my first holiday alone. It was awful. All because of a car loan that cost him or them nothing.
Fast forward ten years and they co-sign for my his and my mother's son to get a $30K vehicle. Mine was $12K. Little brother doesn't pay it off and this is the fourth vehicle he has had them co-sign for. The others were wrecked or stolen. This last one they paid off for him. WTF? Fast forward a few more years and their youngest son gets a car for high school graduation. Again they made the down payment and co-signed the loan. The youngest is on his third vehicle and my stepdad is the co-signer on every single one of those car loans. I don't know if he paid the downs on the last two vehicles but he sure has no problem with those loans being co-signed. Of course the youngest is a lot more responsible than the middle child but I find it hysterical that he has no problem co-signing for his two kids and making down payments for them but when my mom just co-signs with her only child not with him he loses his shit over it and banishes the child from "his" home.
A little background, he was a raging alcoholic and couldn't hold a job for years when I was younger. I had to live with my grandparents over his insecurities and my mother supported them and their kids for the longest time. She always had the higher income also. But everything is all about him and his.
Maybe your DH is more upset that the money went to his skid. Sorry that you are going through this. Would you be pissed if he did the same with one of your skids?
You're right, actually I know
You're right, actually I know for sure my stepfather co-signed the last two cars alone with out my mother for the youngest and I believe my mom co-signed alone on at least one vehicle for the middle brother. Either way it was no problem to give down payments and co-sign for his kids but when she did it for me it was WWIII and I was not welcome in the house she paid for. My point was that my mother was in a situation similar to the OP but it wasn't costing anything and my stepfather still got upset and made drama and yet when it was for his two kids it was ok to spend a ton of money and co-sign.
Does he feel bad that he
Does he feel bad that he can't do the same for his own children?
DF and I split our bills
DF and I split our bills 50/50. Beyond that we have no say in how the other spends on their kids. My income is much higher that DF's and I only have one kid. I'm able to give my son a hell of a lot more than he can give his four.
As long as the basic bills are paid, I refuse to allow anyone to have a say in how I spend the money I earn. My money, my kid, my choice.
Our bills are split 60/40. I
Our bills are split 60/40. I make more than DH and if you factor in his child support, my income is double his. That and we have my BS fulltime while his kids are eow. It works for us but he still gets pissy sometimes. Just yesterday I spent a lot of money buying somethings for BS and I. He has been complaining about needed clothes for awhile now and it didnt seem happy with us walking around in our new outfits. Your DH might be upset but its your money and he has no say in what you do with it. Im sure when its time, his littles will get a lot more.
My parents helped me out a
My parents helped me out a lot with vehicles. Although I always got cheap junkers. I was irritated to begin with but now I see that I know more about cars than a lot of women I talk to. So I feel it was a great learning experience for me to have junkers.
That being said, my DS is almost 23. His "father" is still $15K in arrears. That goes on a separate card than our household finances and I spend that (or not) on my DS as I see fit. DH does not have a say where that money goes.