50/50 custody?
Forums:
Greetings, I was wondering if folks could share more about how this works for them. I talked to F last night about this being potentially our fall back plan should proceedings for full custody not go our way. Specifically, what school does the child go to, how does 50/50 time split work in your case, what happens with CS, and generally has what positives and challenges have you found in your situation?
Many thanks for your comments!
Been there, done that
I could write a book, so feel free to PM me if you want more details.
When husband and BM divorced, SD was 2. They agreed on 50/50 custody. Husband has always regretted not asking for full custody, although I don't think he would have gotten it because BM wasn't incompetent.
They only lived about 6 miles apart, which helped with the logistics. For school, husband wanted SD to attend a private school that was about 2 miles from our house, 4 miles from BMs. She agreed, as long as he paid for everything, and he did. So they both transported SD to that school (no bus because it was a private school).
Because of the 50/50 split and the fact that husband and BM made about the same amount, no CS was ordered. However, husband agreed (stupid) to pay SD's daycare costs, medical insurance, and "education expenses." We're hoping the eduation expenses part doesn't come back to bite us when SD starts college, as BM has contributed almost nothing so far (even refusing to help pay for SD's school lunches).
How old are your stepkids? That might also affect how custody is structured. For example, because SD was only 2 when parents divorced, they worked out an elaborate arrangement that ensured she never went more than 3 days without seeing her parents. The longest stretch was Friday through Sunday. But as SD got older (maybe 8?) arrangement changed to one week with mom, then one week with dad.
One particular challenge with this type of custody (and perhaps with any type) is consistency of discipline. For example, if husband would ground SD from the computer, she would either not tell BM or BM would refuse to enforce husband's discipline at her house. And both let SD play them against each other. If she and BM got in a fight, she called husband to pick her up. And vice versa. So they got to tiptoeing around SD so as not to make her mad.
Another challenge is activities. This is more significant if you live far apart. When SD was 11, BM moved an hour away. So transportation was much more onerous. And then BM wouldn't come to SD's activities, or she would sign her up for activities that required husband to drive hours away.
Anything more you want/need to know?
we have sk's every other
we have sk's every other week- Friday afternoon to Friday morning. There's less putting and taking, which is great but not seeing them for a long time is hard too. The lenght of time to "deprogram" takes a while. 7 days is a long time for kids to relearn bad behavior. The girls aren't really with the program at our house until Sunday night usually.
Schools were decided before they divorced and they just kept them the same. We all live in about a 15 mile radius of each other. My kids now go to the same school just for simplicty (and its a good school also)
In our state, because DH made more $ than BM he pays child support and we cover the kids under insurance. We also pay for what daycare we use (used to split until BM didn't need daycare anymore) and they split other expenses for the most part. Much of this has been hammered out over the years between DH and BM and a mediator at times, but overall, it works pretty well.