Am i selfish?
Our general set out is every other weekend we have both our kids (i have mine during the week too but the alternate weekend my little girl is with her dad) and one weekend with just us. He's a lorry driver mon-fri so i dont get any time with him during the week and he's now started to try and have his daughter our kid free weekend which has completely rubbed me up the wrong way as it's my child free weekend to have a rest, have a break and do what i need to get done. He doesn't even think to just say to me 'do you mind' in which case i would never say he couldn't see her. He thinks if we have no plans to do anything (which on my kid free weekend is usually THE PLAN then its okay to just have her (bearing in mind she's 3 years old and doesnt sleep through) and i work a full time job also so mentally/physically i just need a rest. She's not the easiest child to be around and its never a case of 'you dont even know you've got her' cause she tantrums every 5 minutes and his excuse is always that she's tired (yeah 24/7 tired then). Im reaching my limit as i feel like i need to 'book in' time to have quality time to actually see him. I love that he's an amazing dad and wants to see her all the time but he doesn't realise how important it is to me to actually spend time with him on our own, and I can tell i'm now getting snappy and short with him when i know the kids weekend is coming up because i dread them. When i'm practically a single parent apart from 2 days a fortnight, he doesn't understand how much i need to rest and just mentally have a break. His mum has expressed she's worried he's going to ruin it with me by having her too much when he works away but he thinks everything is fine and dandy. Ive spoken on how i feel about her behaviour before and got told that 'i have too much of an opinion on something thats not my business'. Is there any other steps to take or do i need to accept that our lives are so different that its pretty much over? Any advice would be appreciated!
'Ive spoken on how i feel
'Ive spoken on how i feel about her behaviour before and got told that 'i have too much of an opinion on something thats not my business'.
How any child behaves in your home is very much your business.A father who doesn't share this opinion is neither 'an amazing dad' - nor an amzing husband.
He doesn't sound like an
He doesn't sound like an amazing father to me. He's not addressing his kid's behavioral issues. And he's not an amazing partner either, given that he doesn't care one bit how you feel about his parenting or his choice to have his daughter over.
I can see why he wants to see her more, but it should be a discussion with you, and he needs to actually PARENT the kid, not make excuses for her behavior.
Thank you for your comment! I
Thank you for your comment! I can just see exactly what the future holds if he doesn't nip it in the bud! I've only stuck around in the hope she 'grows out of it' and if someone could see the future and told me this is how it's gonna be; i'd have left ages ago!
Well, kids do change as they
Well, kids do change as they age, but poor behavior that goes unaddressed just changes form and continues.
You have clarity now. So, why
You have clarity now. So, why are you still there?
No, you are not selfish, he
No, you are not selfish, he is not an amazing Dad, and he's a pretty pants partner, by the sounds of it! A good parent/partner recognises the need for "me" and "us" time to rest and recharge, the fact that he won't allow you yours, nor even to have an opinion on his daughter's bad behaviour, sucks, frankly. For me, the fact that he didn't even consult you about this major change to your timetable, would be grounds for ending the relationship.
OK, I had to google "pants
OK, I had to google "pants partner" to see if it was UK slang.
Tog do you not use the phrase
Tog do you not use the phrase 'pants' ? As in something is crap/rubbish/awful.
I had to google "Pants" as
I had to google "Pants" as well. Not one I have heard before as far as slang is concerned.
Haha that tickled me
im from Ireland originally but lived in the UK before emigrating to Oz and ‘pants’ is a very commonly used way to describe something crap or rubbish for example ‘that meal was pants/his car is pants/that is just PANTS!’
Language lessons from people
Language lessons from people who eat Vegamite or Marmite!
Then move to Oz and put an O on the end of nearly ever word.
smh
I love my Irish, Brit and Ozzy friends. I just can't understand half of what they say. Especially when they have been drinking.
So true about the Aussies
They call a liquor store a ‘bottle-O’ and there’s a pet food shop called ‘Pet-O’ that has a ‘Vet-O’ attached. My fave breakfast is ‘Avo on toast’ (Avocado).
As I say to my Australian husband ‘you lot are just LAZY haha’
Our Aussy foodie friend cooks
Our Aussy foodie friend cooks with EVO-O and they all seem to have to renew the Reg-O plate for their vehicles every year.
smh
Remember for us 'pants' are
Remember for us 'pants' are not trousers. They are underwear. So you instead of saying you've had a bad day, you might say you've had a pants day.
I get it.
Yanks, or Sepos as my Ozzy friends like to call us, just cut to the chase. "I had a shit (or shitty) day!"
We call underwear "Skivvies" or just "underwear".
We have a lot to learn about the mother tongue. *wink*
Just to make sure you don't
Just to make sure you don't use it out of context, a 'pants day' is more polite than a 'shitty day'. See, you learn something new every day on this forum
Point taken. How about
Point taken. How about "rough day"?
?
?
Sometime you have the right to be selfish
This is one of these times. You should have a one alone weekend a month. Him screwing it up should tell you, his kids are more important then you. He rather spend time with his kid then alone time with you. Time to have the talk with him and tell him to knock it off. You want that weekend alone, This is your hill to died on.
Either he see it your way , or it's time to move on. Because you will always be second
Book yourself a hotel room the everytime he takes her on an off weekend. At least you'll get a good night sleep and some down time. Hopefully it will bring home his choices and the consequences they will bring.
" His mum has expressed she's
" His mum has expressed she's worried he's going to ruin it with me by having her too much when he works away but he thinks everything is fine and dandy."
If he isn't there, she shouldn't be either. His mother is right.