Any ideas on why she is doing this??
Went to church with SO, FSD7, and FMIL for Easter. Surprisingly FSD7 was super well behaved during church. After church however, they were serving a bbq lunch, and FSD7 threw a fit because she wanted Buffalo Wild Wings instead. I thought SO handled it very well. I’ve been on him about communicating his expectations of her behavior, and having consequences when she acts out. It was going quite well.
after lunch, something switched and she started acting like her bratty entitled self again. When we got out of the car she tells me, “my stupid dad didn’t even open the door for me.” I told her sternly, “that’s not a nice thing to say about your dad. He loves you, and you shouldn’t talk about anyone like that.” She said “let’s not tell him.”
Of course I told him, and he called her out on it. She looks at me like I betrayed her or something (in my head I wanted to tell her, “sorry I’m not loyal to you, ungrateful little brat,” but I didn’t).
Shes done this before...her dad yelled at her for running in a parking lot and she didn’t listen. She told me, “dad really flipped out on me. I don’t have to listen to anyone but myself.” It’s like she views me as an equal, instead of an adult. Even my SO said, “I’m trying to figure out why she keeps telling you crap like this under her breath when no one is around.”
FMIL volunteers at her school twice a week and mentioned that the teacher has noticed FSD7 becoming more boisterous, her grades are slipping, and all I can think of is how bad it’s going to get. She has only a few friends because she’s mean and bossy.
My question is, why do you think she feels like she can tell me these things? I’ve given her zero indication that I’m someone she can talk to and confide in, so I’m wondering how to navigate this. Any tips?
It sounds like she has this
It sounds like she has this conspiritual relationship with her mom, and thinks she can do the same with you. BM whispers in her ear, "Your daddy is an idiot, and you don't have to listen to him. *giggle* ". BM puts SD on the same level as an adult, or rather BM brings adults down to kid level. So SD views herself as your equal, or more.
You might want to consider not tattling on her. That's something siblings do. You're an adult. You can tell DH privately what she's doing, and come up together with a plan to correct her. She needs serious consequences.
So there's nothing wrong with
So there's nothing wrong with your SD opening up to you imho. The skids are more likely to tell me anything than anyone else. I even discipline. They both know if I start counting you better get a move-on or else. But I handle everything fairly and am more likely to make them think before rushing to spankings or the belt (or in BM's case... Threatening violence and emotionally abusing and neglecting... SD9 wasn't talked to for an entire day once when she spilled something on BM's bed on accident...). I genuinely try and understand them, and then talk to them about why it's unacceptable. They still have consequences, and they're mad at me during said consequences and sometimes after. A lot of the time I don't talk to them until they've cooled down from said consequences. But it keeps the communication open, while still putting me as an authority figure. The real trick is finding the blanace and making sure your SO backs you up. Don't be her co-consiritor, and she shouldn't expect you to keep secrets from your SO. My skids know, DH is my partner and best friend and he knows everything I do, they have to see you as a united front.
I suggest talking with your So about the whole situation and coming up with solid consequences. If she does something while you're around, it's okay to discipline, just make sure it's in the boundaries SO and you are comfortable with. Then after, I always tell DH, but I also let him know I handled it, that way he's informed, but he doesn't go to punish either.