BM not helping with homework
Okay...so SS5 is only in Kindergarten but they have started to introduce "homework". Pretty much what they send home is a sheet of requirements that SS will need to know by the end of the year, and what he will need to know for each nine weeks.
For Example he has until October 25 to be able to count to 50 which he is good at but seeing the numbers on the chart confuse him as they are so close together so we mainly have to work on getting him to point and only look at one set of numbers at a time. He also has to be able to point out 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc as if the fish were in a race rather than just counting. As I said these two things are easy especially as there are many relatable things in day to day life. The had part is his sight words he needs to know I believe 20 of the 45 by October 25. These words are very simple such as I,A,an,am,the,that, etc etc. I have taken to the time to make two sets of notecards for the numbers (so he can see individually), fish, and 25 selected sight words most of which have been told by the teacher will be on the 'quiz' and we should be getting the final list from her before DH leaves so we can pull out only the ones he needs to know so we know he is working on the correct words at BMs.
However, even though we have already sent the selected ones we know plus some others to BM she is not working on them. SS told DH on Monday he got his first tardy and it's only the 3rd week of school. And that BMs mom will work on numbers with him but no one wants to do his sight words. I feel bad as DH expects SS to do good and want to be focused in order have nice things at our house (he has a atv, if good grades DH is thinking about a dirt bike for Christmas), and honestly SS is to young to push that he wants to do homework to do well or at least at this point as there is no consequence to just going over to BMs after school and playing rather than working on sight-words. However I don't want SS to get "punished" or not get the advantage of nice things at our house, when we do work with him and he does well and stays pretty focused considering his age. I know DH sees that he does well with us, and BM doesn't care but DH only uses that BM doesn't care to a extent as if we find out his tardy was because he was refusing to put on shoes or something which we dealt with in Pre-K DH will get onto SS as DH and I both take education super serious.
I know that I have provided her with the current resources to work with him, also the teacher has with the newsletters, and if it isn't apparent now as DH is home, who BM really is will become apparent to the teacher by the lack of response to he and encouragement to SS to do well.
I guess what I am asking is - any ideas on how to maybe push BM to realize how serious working with him is, so that he can succeed as he is really a smart kid. And DH ask SS every night when they talk if they've been worked on and sometimes will ask BM and she blows it off as "they were busy". I really want SS to do well but I feel like after next week when DH goes back to work he will be doomed until DH returns and then will b struggling to learn the 20 words in the 2 weeks DH is home before the quiz.
Any suggestions are welcome I just want the best for SS.
I realize this is not what
I realize this is not what you want to hear but you cannot control what goes on at BM's house. The best advice I can give you is that you and DH do the best you can to work with SS on his homework when he is with you.
DH tried many times to get BM on bored with uniform rules for homework and BM always agrees with DH but never follows through. Case in point - SS11 would forget his violin at home. So BM's solution was to have SS11 leave it at school all week and only bring it home on the weekends. Only problem - SS11 was supposed to be practicing everyday. Oh and then he'd intentionally leave it at school on the weekends. So when he had to perform at school concert he would fake his way through it. It was obvious he didn't know what he was doing. It's sad.
~BettyRay
I know there is nothing we
I know there is nothing we can control at BMs house heck SS is a completely different kid at her house - and I know we have provided all resources we can to her. I know the extent of my ability is done.
I just didn't know if anyone had any ideas for me to share with DH.
My DH does sit down with him
My DH does sit down with him when they first get home from after school errands and reviews for 15-20 min and then at bed time when they read (nightly tradition) if DH sees one of the words he gets SS to read it. He is very involved in trying to make sure SS gets it.
I did the note cards because DH asked me to since I have better hand writing, other than that I am not involved in his actual studying - sounds bad but not my child but if he came to me and asked for help I would help him but there is much more that can be done while him and DH review or read their book.
The main extent I have in his schooling is filling out forms IF DH ask me to again because I write better, I will look at his folder as DH mainly glances as he looks when he first picks him up and I primary make lunch and get his backpack organized while they read, sometimes I will take him lunch and talk to DH about what's going on but directly with SS I am not that involved in homework or school really unless DH request help.
I can see where it seems like I am more involved but Im really not. Try to walk a line of my happiness and helping DH I don't want to be resentful - however the other night DH said something to me as he wishes there was a way for go to stress the importance to BM more, without the teacher having to really see what a crappy mom she is - DH just wants the best. I couldn't come up with anything as I feel him getting me to make two sets of cards and him and him asking when he calls to tell SS good night is about the extent of what he can do....but with him asking me I figured I would ask to see if anyone else had input.
I agree with the other
I agree with the other posters. You can't force BM to do anything on her time; so don't even try. I also wouldn't necessairly take progress/attendance reports from SS. He's 5. If you're concerned about tardies or absences, contact the school for an official record.
Luckily, it's only kindergarden. My SD5 gets "homework" and sight words too, but it's 10 minutes of work tops each night. Most of it they cover in school; the home portion is just reinforcement and repitition.
On another note .. a dirt bike for a 5yo?!?
Like I said I mainly posted
Like I said I mainly posted because DH asked me for advice and so I figured I would get other opinions. DH does contact the school about attendance as last year SS had 18 tardies and 14 absences with BM most of which were stupid excuses but she could get a doctors note by simply calling the doctor which DH put a into when he called the doctor and threatened if he didn't have record he had seen SS and he was truly sick and was writing notes this year DH would report him and get him investigated. DH will be requesting a record next time he home regarding tardies as it still the 3rd week and so we don't really suspect any except that one - however SS knows if he is late he needs to inform DH and probably tonight we will ask what happened as if it is his fault he can lose ATV time as DH is like I said big about education but also being on time and feels like though when SS is with BM he is more a reflection on her at the same time he is still a reflection of DH and DH wants to look good.
I understand they cover it in school but for SS anything he needs repetition and if BM isn't even trying to help him we have a concern...again I don't think there is much more DH can do other than ask nightly when he is over there.
And yes a dirt bike...last Christmas he got a older model TRX90 ATV and for his birthday DH upgraded it to a 110 motor...this year he both of them want dirt bikes as DH sold his atv in hopes of a dirtbike and SS has also expressed interest...if he did get a dirt bike he would also get a chest protector among all the other safety as right now he only has goggles and a helmet for the atv. I will say DH does NOT buy brand new stuff working on motors is a hobby so he will buy one and fix it up currently we already have the dirt bike we bought it last weekend for $360 for SS for Christmas and it needs about $200 worth of work most of which DH will do himself. I know it sounds out there but DH pays his part of the bills still spoils me some, and if that is what him and SS can do together and fix together as long as it does not affect me personally financially I stay out of it.
I wouldn't be worried about
I wouldn't be worried about the cost .. I'd be worried about the safety issues. Protective gear or not, grown adults still die riding those things.
We are very big on
We are very big on safety....as I mentioned he currently has pretty much a custom helmet...and if he is good enough to get the dirt bike then we will also be investing a chest protector and other safety gear. Both DH and I are huge on safety him especially as he works where one wrong move could not only cost him his job but his life many times I worry depending on where they are at.
SS can also only ride with DH present as DH knows emergency care and had no issues telling SS he's done if he notices him being unsafe. I promise you safety is number one.
Only reason I mentioned the cost is I know some look at SS being 5 and question how much we spend in toys or DH spends rather.
DH and SS just for home and
DH and SS just for home and apparently he did not go to school Friday - which we just found out about...and was late Monday which he had told DH...looks like BM is already showing true colors.
DH needs to stop putting the
DH needs to stop putting the kid in the middle. If DH wants to contact BM and have this discussion about homework, fine, do it, but repeatedly every night asking child should stop. SS can't help no one at BM's is helping him. I'd also knock off the disciplining from afar every time SS does something like absent or tardy on BM's time. Fake dr excuses is one thing, but how or how not SS behaves at his mom's is not for DH to deal with. That's BM's 'job'.
Sadly, it make take a bunch of tardy checks on BM parenting and the school addressing the issue with BM to get it stopped. All those tardy marks and absences last year I assume were during preschool if SS is a kindergartner this year. BM is going to find out 'real' school and 'real' school rules and tolerances are different than preschool was.
I would not use the grades at school as a means to 'have nice things at your house'. Nor would I base a dirt bike on the child's grades as the large majority of school time is on BM's parenting time. If your DH is gone for 3 week stretches and then gets one week on, one week off, and second week on before leaving for 3 weeks again, he isn't really in a position to dictate how BM parents in her home nor to help himself . If all he can do is parent in his home 2 out of six weeks the best he can do is focus on the 2 weeks he can assist SS. During that time he can try and stress the daily habit of practicing sight words ect to SS and SS can learn to practice by himself.
A tip on the sight words, make key ring sight words. Small heavy poster board cut into small rectangles with a paper punch in one corner. Then add the individual sight word to the ring as the teacher introduces the word. This is something small and easy to use. It's something child can sit down with book in his lap along with key ring and id sight words from ring on page. If the grandmother said she would help with some work but not the sight words, she might change her mind on helping with the key ring sight words. Because it's small and handy it's easy to take along with the kid. For example, if BM/Gma are sitting in a restaurant waiting for an order, the key ring can be taken out and practiced. Words don't get lost, no index cards to worry about laying out nor only using at home blah blah blah. It's how my DD's kindergarten teacher taught sight words to her class when DD was in that grade. Teacher said she found she did have a lot of busy working parents and the key ring sight words helped because they were easy to take anyway and practice anytime. This teacher also provided the cards/key rings, but you could easily make same up yourself.
He doesn't like ground him
He doesn't like ground him but depending on the reason he gives like him refusing to put on his shoes DH will take away ATV time. He doesn't blame SS if things are unclear but if it he flat out says I just didn't want to go and I did blah blah he will loose time - only because it deals wot school anything else is BMs.
As for having nice things its not so much grades as it is his behavior and how the teacher reports him doing. DH emails the teacher a lot when he is gone to try to see how SS is doing and like last year he thought he could get away with lying to the teacher so he didn't get a reward and lost ATV time. He is young and still getting used to school so it is more or less he respects SS to be respectful to the teachers whether he is home or not.
He doesn't ask every night or hound SS I think last week I heard him ask "How was school" "How your words doing? You working on them" he doesn't like make it a constant pushing issue and half the time BM won't even turn down to TV so him and DH can talk and he has talked to BM about it several times.
As for tardiness we can't control that and like I said as long as SS doesn't say I just didn't want to go there is nothing we can do....BM has dealt with truancy with her oldest child and has learned to walk the fine like of when she will get in trouble and not - I am just in shock this is week 3 and he already missed a day and has been late, we used to live 30miles way and he was never tardy but we figure this is something that will show the school her true colors.
As for sightwords I have given BM the name of several apps that you can use for sightwords especially since SS will say his mom lets him play on her phone.