Okay. This is for everyone. I know you are trying to be helpful, and it's difficult without knowing the full story. The full story is actually so long and involved that our lawyer could not even present every last bit of evidence we supplied him with over the past 3 years. So, let me summarize a little bit for you.

BM most likely suffers a plethora of personality and emotional disorders and is most likely extremely mentally ill. (This is according to a family therapist who has interacted with her)

BM cheated on DH, left him alone with 2 SS's at 1 and 4, not to mention an additional 3 foster children who all had to be at school. DH was taking care of 5 children, and she would leave for days at a time, with no indication of when/if she would return. She would get drunk/drugged and have sex with random people in bathrooms of bars. He/her mother and sister had to often go driving around the city to find her and "rescue" her. She claims she did all of this so he would divorce her, because he was so abusive to her (a side of him that after 5 years, I still have not seen). Earlier in their marriage she had gone to rehab for heroin addiction, but left early after only a few weeks.

When they split, he had the house and full custody of his children. She had them occasionally Wednesday nights, EOWE and often pawned them off on him. She was supposed to have them from 7:30-5:30, but was often too hung over, so DH's mother would take care of them during the day while he was at work. She was shacked up with one of the guys she cheated on DH with...a guy she dated from middle school, who never left the picture of her life, was always hanging around. She is now married to this guy, and has another baby with him. He also has a son with another woman, who they have many problems with as well.

Enter me to picture. DH and BM are amicable, with DH having full custody, and grandma watching kids still. Kids meet me after DH and I decide to become serious, and BM decided she wants full custody of the kids. DH, trying to be nice with her agrees to 50/50, no more. He allows the skids to switch schools to her school as it's in the same district, but closer to his house anyway. Settlement agreement says they will go to the district of father's residence. Since they aren't switching districts, this doesn't violate the agreement. We bought a house in a neighboring district, in a MUCH nicer school district. She refuses to allow them to transfer, despite her plans to move to a really bad district (which she has since done). We eventually end up in court, because he tries to enforce the Settlement agreement, which states 7:30-5:30 for her, and she refuses to let them out of the house in the evenings, and refuses to let DH put them in our district. The judge places them in our district, and all hell breaks loose.

BM's criminal activities because she didn't get her way: (Keep in mind BM is a master manipulator. She's young and attractive. She looks like she constantly feels sorry for herself, is very petite and is a low-talker. So, it's easy for people to buy into her pathetic "poor me" routine.)

After being married a second time, and changing her name legally went to DH's bank, an account that used to be joint, that she hadn't contributed to for 3 years and withdrew thousands of dollars, emptying the account, under HIS last name. Police and courts did nothing.
Forcibly entered our new home. Assaulted DH and me, in front of the children. I had bruises for 2 weeks as she takes martial arts. She was trying to remove the children from our care when it was not her parenting time. Police threatened to arrest us as well if we insisted on pressing charges, because she told them we assaulted her.
Has sent 30+ pages of harassing text messages to DH.
Has harassed DH at pickups, all video recorded.
Has harassed DH over the phone and on voicemail, accused DH of molesting the children again, all recorded.
Has subjected skids to severe alienation, screaming at children when upset with DH, telling them things like "Daddy's a liar, daddy stole my money, SM is evil" She forced skids to call SF "dad" and DH by his first name while at her house, and refused to allow Skids to EVER speak to DH while in her care, resulting in both children requiring a family therapist.
Has told SS11 he suffers an autism spectrum disorder, has taken him on multiple appointments, claiming his SF is his father, and leaving DH completely out of the loop.
Allegedly choked SS8, and CPS had to be called, and they saw no fear in the children of BM.
Changed her cell phone number, and email address, so DH can only communicate with her via home phone at HER discretion. She refuses to answer the phone when he calls, so he has stopped trying. (Luckily she allowed SS11 a cell phone, so it is easier for him to communicate with the boys now)

What have we done? We have spent over $15,000 in legal fees. We have recorded and documented absolutely everything. We were in court for full custody. Everything was pointing in our direction, including having the support of the family therapist, who met with BM, and sees the horror that we have lived with.

The court's response? Force BM, DH and skids to undergo a psychiatric evaluation. This quack charged $1700 to meet with DH, BM and skids a total of 2 days, 6 hours. She observed DH with skids after he had to take them out of BM's care, and BM was clearly pissed about it. She observed BM with skids while she had them on summer vacation, 2 full weeks of complete indoctrination and NO access to DH. She indicated that BM was the perfect mother, and DH just "seemed to be trying too hard to be good." Essentially, no one could possibly be as nice as he is. Basically, we're f***ed. Our lawyer said we need some time in between this, while he can easily dismantle it because this evaluator used nothing more than interviews of the family, and consulted NO ONE, teachers, school personnel or family therapist to verify anything in her report. To add insult to injury, the skids law guardian said they're happy living in both homes.

Not to mention.... DH was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis last April. Stress makes his condition worse. I've had to go on anti-anxieties because of all this. The children were in a terrible state the whole time, because BM made damn well sure they were aware that we had her in court. BM's husband even confronted me in the court room, with the judge present asking ME how I sleep at night!!!

Essentially, we've made the decision that putting up with her shit is better than undergoing more years of hell. This is the first time in 3 years, I've felt like I was able to breathe again. And while I do feel the need to vent her bullshit, I understand, that's as far as it will ever be able to go. There's very little we can do. We're just biding our time until the skids (if they do this) decide they don't want to live with her anymore. The only way we will ever bring her to court again is if it is a MAJOR problem, and the kids do not want to live with her, little of their lives being in immediate danger. It sucks. We hate it. But there's really nothing we can do. We're burnt out by her crazy.

Basically, we've made the decision, that putting up with little annoyances is less stressful, and less expensive. It's going to take us years to pay off our legal debts that got us no where.