BM Thinks She can Dictate Visitation, I'm ANNOYED
ok so BM will complain in a heartbeat that DH doesn't see SD5 enough but I'm getting tired of her BS. We were supposed to have SD for the weekend and yet again, there's an excuse. Friday was pick up day and Thurs night DH texts BM saying are we still on for pick up tomorrow? She replies 'Oh She'll come to your house next week she has to go out of town for a cheer thing' EXCUSE ME? How do you know we aren't planning to be in Vegas next weekend or have anything else pre-planned for that matter? I hate that she feels she doesnt need to communicate things and I HATE that she has such a controlling personality when she has 0 control. I wish family law attorneys weren't so expensive... BLAH we need some custody rules and regulations asap because this is just irritating. She should ASK if it is ok to change weekends not presume we await her calls and go by all she approves.
We had this same issue with
We had this same issue with our BM. Until you start following that CO to the letter .. and enforcing it every single time, she will continue to do what she wants.
We went through almost the EXACT same scenario .. she tried to tell DH he couldn't come visit the skids (the currently live out of state) because they had extra-curricular activities planned and his visitation couldn't interrupt those things. There is NO reason DH can't take SD5 to her event if it's that important. That's what DH and I ended up doing. We took both skids to their games Saturday morning and had the rest of the weekend to do what we wanted.
Your DH really needs to stand up for himself and enforce that agreement. She will eventually learn she can't get away with violating it.
thanks, the problem is the CO
thanks, the problem is the CO visitation is not really an order since it is enforceable only for child support reasons. We need solid joint custody established, otherwise its hard for him to have any say or rights. .it sucks!
I don't understand how that's
I don't understand how that's possible. How is there an order in place for child support, but no order determining the custody arrangement; or at least outlining his visitation?
Your DH needs to get on this ASAP.
it's supposed to be every
it's supposed to be every other weekend but she doesnt follow it. It's whenever he asks and she says its ok. There's always an excuse "she has pink eye" "she's crying and she doesn't want to go" "she has a cheer thing out of town, last minute sorry" it's always SOMETHING!!
When you say it's supposed to
When you say it's supposed to be every other weekend, does that mean there IS an agreement or CO in place? If so, DH needs to enforce it. None of those reasons you listed sounds like a legitimate reason for DH to miss out on his weekends.
Maybe it's time to get the courts involved.
Tell BM, "great. let me knwo
Tell BM, "great. let me knwo where the competition is and what I need to do to get her al ready and I'll make sure she's there."
DH needs to step in and do some parenting of his child - even if it means going to the dance competitions.
(not trying to sound harsh)
but he needs to exercise his rights, and put forth the effort even when it is difficult.
This is exactly right.
This is exactly right. Having dealt with this exact scenario over thousands of miles of distance, DH HAS to do the right thing for his kids. He has to be a dad no matter how hard BM tries to make it.
you're right I agree! If they
you're right I agree! If they established its his weekend then its his weekend!
It sounds like DH already
It sounds like DH already missed his weekend. What I would do at this point is write up a document for BM outlining the visitation for the rest of the year with his weekends highlighted. Add something to the letter stating what time DH intends to pick SD up and then return her. Make a point to ask for any events or activities that are already scheduled and what DH needs to know to get her there.
This will likely upset BM, but be nice about it and approach it from the standpoint that DH loves SD and wants to continue with the visitation that they agreed upon.
DH needs to make some effort here. Don't let BM dictate.
thank you!
thank you!
Our BM does this but the
Our BM does this but the opposite since she's all about her personal free-time. CO says he has the right to have them one day per week, EOW and some additional time during school holidays. He doesn't have to have them but wants them so he follows this closely. In addition, he used to go to their house and visit Tuesday nights. He stopped that recently because I had an issue with it (he doesn't need to be hanging out at BM's house) and now we keep them Sunday nights on our weekends. Of course, BM didn't like the new arrangement because she doesn't have a babysitter every Tues night now. She keeps telling him that she "lost a night" and mentions the CO. He finally said, "I think you need to read that document again. Tuesdays were just extra time I was spending with them. You are not entitled to anything." Crazy.
We had some of the same
We had some of the same problems. BM would try to give excuse after excuse why the kids needed to stay with her over the weekend. She started this right after DH and I began dating. BM was dating a guy with kids and needed to pretend that she was super-BM. DH blew right threw all her reasons. Turns out, she was telling SS (now12) that DH was to busy with me and my son to spend time with him.
Your DH needs to be polite but firm with BM. His kids need him. At first, they might hate their routine being disrupted and there may be tears, but in the long run, everyone will be happier and better off.