DH laid off and CS and ins.!
Fun! DH's division has been eliminated completely. The monkey wrench is he doesn not know when he is "officially" laid off but its coming! So of course he pays CS and is responsible for health insurance. COBRA will be through the roof but the divorce decree states that if BM "can get health insurance at a better cost she needs to forward the information to DH". Ha! When has that EVER been complied with? So DH just sent her an email explaining what is happening and that she needs to expedite any doctors/dentist appts. now b/c the health ins will be gone soon. In addition, he reminde dher about the language in the decree and asked for her employer's coverage. She works for a large company so it should be ok. I say "should" because......
BM NEVER does anything DH asks. Anything. In addition to us being stressed about DH NOT HAVING A JOB we will also have to deal with 1) trying to pay CS 2) BM bringing the skids to the doctors without ins. (oh, its coming) 3) BM NEVER responding to her responsibility to insure HER OWN KIDS.
Let the games begin!
I would think if she is not
I would think if she is not following the court order then the bills should be on her. If she has insurance but is unwilling to provide it there is no way your dh should be responsible for it. I would make sure I would send your letters certified so you have proof that you notified her of the change and I would also see if you can get cs modified. Unless he thinks he can get a job fairly quickly.
I agree but there are a
I agree but there are a couple of problems that always spring up:
1. she NEVER responds to certified mail. She refuses to pick it up. ever.
2. To make her comply we would need to go BACK to court. You should see the size of our file. I mean, its ridiculous. Yes, at the end of the day we're right, but to have to go through allllll that? Its exhausting! We are already in court March 3rd for her blatant disregard of the divorce decree and taking the child deductions on her taxes. It just never ends!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Hi MadeMyBed, keep us
Hi MadeMyBed, keep us informed to what happens with your March 3rd court date on the child decution violation. We have recently found out ourselves that our BM did this as well and we are filing a COC.
I sure will!
I sure will!
Also, check into motioning to
Also, check into motioning to abate child support payments until his job picks back up. Of course, when he is employed again, he will have to repay in back child support, but it should give you some breathing room while the money isn't coming in.
Look in to state aid health
Look in to state aid health care for minor children. Might be able to help if he's been laid off.
Good luck!
MadeMyBed - good luck ahead.
MadeMyBed - good luck ahead. Do you think this will be a long term situation for your H that could be brought up when you go to court?
I know my H periodically gets laid off (common in his field) and one time he let BM know what was going on, that we would be switching to an insurance that wasn't as good and to please get the skids in soon or wait for the few months it would take to get a better insurance - unless it was an emergency.
What did BM do? She took both skids to the chiropractor every week that we were on the crappy insurance. I don't understand as SHE has to pay some of the bill too!
i hope yours isn't as spiteful. It would have been better for us to not let her know at ALL what was going on and let her find out for herself...
This happened another time. The COBRA insurance we were on changed at the beginning of last year to a high-deductible type insurance. The deductible was $4000 and WE HAD MET IT BY THE END OF JANUARY. Why? BM took BOTH skids in for CAT SCANS!!
Why did she do this? SD had a headache (she needed new glasses). SS had a back ache (he has scoliosis). Why did she not wait? Spitefulness is the only thing I can think of...
Unfortunaely our BM is just
Unfortunaely our BM is just as, if not more, spiteful. She also does not care that she is responsible for half of the medical bills! We always say she will bite off her nose to spite her face!
Im in MA, Crayon! we're
Im in MA, Crayon! we're doomed.......
I know this is totally off
I know this is totally off topic skylarksms but what the hell are kids doing at the chiropractor's office????? That's crazy! I thought that you weren't supposed to do that until a person's bones stop growing??
Sorry to go astray I just couldn't help it...
It's not uncommon for kids to
It's not uncommon for kids to go, but not common either if that makes sense. I've heard of infants/babies getting adjustments. I don't think the growth of bones has much to do w/it...but I don't know.
I agree taking kids to these appts that are unecessary to spite is idiotic and pathetic though!
I don't know why they were
I don't know why they were there. SD was in gymnastics and SS was in many sports. Neither of them ever complained to us about their backs.
I know my H had a HUGE issue with this because he is still of the old school belief that chiropractors are not real doctors.
I can't really say about that but I do know that SD told us that "Mom makes me go" when H asked her if she was going to the psychiatrist because she was sad he wasn't around as much. And SD also said that she told her mom she didn't want to go for the CAT scan or MRI or whatever it was because she had a headache.
So, yeah, that's just the way BM was/is in our case. I don't know if there is anything we can do at this point in time.
My big problem is why should H be expected to pay half of her c-section and resulting hospital stay? She didn't get pregnant when she was visiting US (we made sure she couldn't sneak out at OUR place). It was lack of parental attention at BM's place.
Document everything. Keep
Document everything. Keep receipts, paperwork, records, copies of the divorce decree, etc. A lot of records are now available online so you should be able to access them. This is what we had to do. If you do it every single time, documenting helps build a great paper trail. This can really help you in court.
Your state's (or the state where this divorce case is based out of) attorney general's website should have something about modifying CS. If you don't find anything there, you can go to the appropriate courthouse and get paperwork to modify CS.
unfortunately I found out the
unfortunately I found out the hard way that there is a difference between domestic and civil law. several yrs. ago my ex took son to the hospital. BIG BILL My thoughts were since he had court order to supply insurance and he took him and he signed the paper work, then he was responsible. I ended up paying the bill several yrs. later when the collection agency could not get it out of him. The court order is domestic law. Civil law holds both parents responsible for kids bills so I had to pay the bill in civil court and then take it back to domestic court to try and collect.
Wow, this is jsut awful!!!
Wow, this is jsut awful!!! Can't believe the craziness!
The only thing would be-that even w/big companies you can't typically just add the kids any time of the year, unless a change in family status.
NOW-if it were around the time of divorce, new birth, new marriage, yes...different...but if it's been covered for years elsewhere and it's a chance in circumstance it's hard to prove-SO it's likely her company would not accomodate until whenever their new enrollment period kicks in (most likely for next year). Just how things are in my big company.
good point.....
good point.....
At my company (very big),
At my company (very big), loss of insurance coverage elsewhere is a "qualifying life event" to add insurance even if you aren't in the annual enrollment period.
yeah but at the end of the
yeah but at the end of the day the divorce decree is directed to HER. God, its her own kids but who cares, right??
I AM fortunate that I have a
I AM fortunate that I have a DH who has, from day 1, seen BM for who she is- God, he was married to her for 10 years he should know! I thought of the word for her today-despicable. I have never truly been able to say that about anyone. I just dont have the energy to expand but trust me on this one.
yeah, I have read your posts
yeah, I have read your posts and I cant believe how the tenant has the wool over his eyes! I mean, my God, when will he learn????
Seriously though its good to have a partner to commiserate with when the BM $hit hits the fan.
So many of these men seem to
So many of these men seem to place the blame of the demise of their marriage on the entrance of demon spawn.
I've seen / read that, over and over again. That is getting old.
The "marriage" was more than likely all ready a flunker, just that the entrance of a child that became the center of the wife's world, did it in for good. ( kind of.) They just do a so-called divorce and pretend to parent from two seperate nests, that never takes place in real nature. Oh yes, and let me not forget how pathetic and lonely these men get and soon seek out some poor sap such as myself to keep them afloat.
TRUE...hence why I think it's
TRUE...hence why I think it's so important for both parties to have plenty of time after a divorce to heal and find their footing/parenting/etc...before entering another relationship.
I'd say a minimum of 2 years depending on how long the marriage was. I think if you get involved w/a man sooner then that you are ripe for problems.
I stayed on my own for 6yrs almost after we split-had plenty of alone entirely time, some casual relationships-one serious one of 6 months, then time on my own again, before entering this longer one-and at that I approached it as a fling initially-don't know how I got suckered into loving him LOL-j/k...I adore him!
He was on his own for I think around 3-4 years? Honestly even w/that I see a little more time before entering this relationship would have been best to allow him to heal and deal w/the anger part of it...
It seems to me the ones w/the most problems are ones that got involved either while the marriage was still in effect, or very shortly after the marriage ended....kids or NO kids I think that affects ANY relationship in a very bad way from the start. The "outlook" not so good
I thought two years was
I thought two years was enough as well. Obviously not.
Now, BM is somehow "engaged" to a man that still is not legally divorced yet. :? I do believe his divorce has lasted almost two years, and the ex-wife keeps filing contempt charges on him.
I think she is in for quite a ride in her near future...oh well. }:)
Funny thing is that my "late" husband and this man worked together at the university and he has NO idea who I am...yet. He would be floored to know this "woman" was me and the late wife of a good friend of his. Am I telling BM or this man who has not put 2 and 2 together yet? No way. hahaha
Yeah, I was told 2 years when
Yeah, I was told 2 years when it was really two MONTHS!
Gee - no WONDER this woman is psychotic. I would have been too, in her situation. When you have two kids and you and baby daddy are on again/off again NUMEROUS times, you would probably never think some other woman would snag him away before you got your chance into guilting him back together with you!
SKY - This is the same as my
SKY - This is the same as my husbands and he is in a very big company as well - and loss of coverage would then be picked up by his company anytime during the year!! Also when SS went to live with BM full time they did not want to have to cover SS but since his divorce decree stated he needed to provide insurance we were able to keep him on our policy!!
Make sure you check this...at
Make sure you check this...at least in my husband's company if a CHILD ended up without insurance throughout the year because they were dropped by the other parent in case of lay off, etc...that was considered change in circumstances and he could add our son to his insurance at that time...but if we wanted to drop one insurance for the other because of increased costs or something, then it wasn't...
As usual, kids of divorce are ensured a lifestyle & insurance.
See...it seems to differ by
See...it seems to differ by company....so she would have to respond it seems....unfortunately it seems she is very uncooperative.
I have read none of the other
I have read none of the other responses but from this statement I would not worry - there is no way that her insurance will ever cost more than COBRA ever especially is she works for a large company!! Lucky your DH has this in the divorce decree!!
COBRA will be through the roof but the divorce decree states that if BM "can get health insurance at a better cost she needs to forward the information to DH". Ha!
make sure you have PROOF like
make sure you have PROOF like an e-mail or certified letters advising her of this. if she doesn't put them on her insurance i'm sure dh would have a GOOD fight to make her ultimately and soley responsible for those bills (if she's smart she'll get them on medicaid=my dd is on medicaid and now has 3 insurances) they don't question if the child has existing insurance wont be hard for her to do that.
also, on the child support
also, on the child support issue (i'm going through this too) as long as she's getting SOMETHING she cannot hold him at "failure to pay" in court (check your state laws) in the state i'm at, as long as a payment is getting to her she can't claim (non pay)..with my dh being unemployed, yeah ok, so i send her money....20.00 just to keep him out of trouble