DH still not over BM? Or just passionately in-hate?
Me and DH are together four years now and its been about 8 months since BM filed for modification of CS and wanting the kids more than her 60% of the time. This weekend all hell broke loose because they have no parenting plan (divorced 7 years ago) and so Labor Day was a tug of war as to who would have the kids. DH wont stop responding to BM's texts even though I have asked him before not to rise to the bait. I want him to limit his communication with her to emails relating to hand over times, dates, place etc. But he continues to text back and forward with her and then spends energy venting about her to me. At this point, my best girlfriend pointed out that he seems to be saving all his passion for BM and not me or his kids!
Last week he seemed to have given up and I wrote on here that I kind-of like that as she will be more out of our hair. Then this weekend, back into the mess full swing.
My question to you guys is.......is he still involved with her emotionally (passionate hatred) if he does not show indifference to her? She is trying to get more money off of him AND have his kids more, but would there be more to this if he won't stop texting back and forward with her. The texts are all kid-related but very excessive. Seven or ten texts a day this weekend. :?
I spent a LONG time having
I spent a LONG time having this fight and finally broke. Told my DSO exactly how I felt about it and hoe I wasnt interested in being in a relationship love triangle... he started to understand. I made it clear that our relationship was as steak and that was that he backed right off.
I do understand DH being
I do understand DH being upset and angry with her, she is after all trying to take his kids for no reason other than to take his money (by way of CS). But when it interferes with our relationship and she gets more of his energy and time than I do then it doesn't feel right at all. It does feel like there are three of us in the relationship and I don't like threesomes :jawdrop:
He's investing a lot of time
He's investing a lot of time and energy into it because it's his time with his kids at stake. My DH is the same way sometimes. Part of it is that BM knows him. She knows how to push his buttons and get him fired up. She was married to him for 7 years .. she knows how to ruin his day. And that's what she does.
He's gotten better with it over time. He's much less reactionary now. He's learned that ignoring her or limiting communication is just all around less stressful.
^^^this^^^ Its the same with
^^^this^^^
Its the same with my FDH, BM knows what to say/do to get FDH fired up. Most recently telling him how to parent SD. Though she has taken no advice from him when she asks for it. When the divorce was fresh, and he worried about BM taking his time from SD he would jump through outrageous hoops (ie letting BM and BF have SD for a few hours on Father's day.... This only happened once, she asked to have SD two hours on Fathers day this year, his reply, 'if you have SD for a few hours Father's day then I get herfor a few hours on Mother's day.' Sheddidn't agree, therefore we kept SD on Fathers day.)
It takes time, but slowly their balls start to come back. Not as fast as we'd like, but that's where our pacients comes to play.
I have also been with my DH
I have also been with my DH for 4 years and we have similar issues. I don’t think your DH is still into BM because to be honest, if he was into her, he would be with her. I have to remind myself of that fact when it comes to my own DH.
If DH ever decided he wanted to get back with BM, she would jump at that chance in a heartbeat. I know she still has a thing for him but I really do not see DH having a thing for her at all.
He does spend a lot of time talking to/texting her but those conversations almost always end in screaming arguments with one hanging up the phone on the other. BM is very childish and when she doesn’t get her way, she throws a fit. She’s extremely hard to deal with.
DH says he hates BM and wishes she would die (she tries to keep SD from him) and I actually believe him.
I don’t think you have to be concerned BUT it is definitely NOT OK for your DH to be spending so much time entertaining BM and putting your relationship at risk! You need to have a serious talk with him asap and lay it all out on the line.