Disappointed
Why does this always surprise me? Last night found out that once again SD has disappointed DH. “um I don’t know where my game this week.” Then hears from his ex that the step is taking her. It’s so disappointing when DH continues to try to have a relationship with this kid and is always turned away. I don’t understand why things were just fine for DH to take to the game/practice last week but this week is crapped on.
Next on the agenda. “Oh other SD has an appointment so can you take her?” Now I realize that this may sound reasonable but this includes him taking time off work with less than a days notice to take her from school drive an hour away then take her back to school. DH would have zero problem with this had she given him at least a week notice. This doctor is supposedly 6 months out so she would have known about this appointment at least a minimum of a week ago.
Am I out of line?
I really feel for DH. Any ideas on how I can be supportive to him? This is the first time that he has told BM that he couldn’t do something that she set up and I know that it kills him that one will not tell him about his life.
is it possible that SD sees
is it possible that SD sees that her parents are not getting along and don't communicate well and doesn't want to put them in the same space together? If DH attended the last game and this time she's pretending she doesn't know where it is, but in fact does and is taking her BM, it sounds to me like she's trying to ensure both her parents get equal time at her games without having them bump into each other.
I agree with Riply that it is very acceptable to request your own set of schds. This is what we have done with the school. The school has an email list and all calanders and notices go out via email as well as sent home on paper. So although we don't get the paper copy (even if we requested one, BM would never remember to send it with the kids on the weekends), we get a copy right from the school via email before the kids even get off the bus at their BM's. Made life so much easier.
BM is not attending the game
BM is not attending the game her step dad is. BM has allowed for the kids to determine where and when they will go and in my opinion has encourage little to no relationship with DH. She has sent text to DH saying "they don't want to come to your house." We have delt with this sadly by taking the back road. SD was miserable at our house and made sure that everyone else was as well so we allowed her to change her schedule to full time at her moms. I thought that things were going better because she has started to ask for rides to practice and games. DH was getting excited to start having a relationship again instead of him just leaving voice messages. Then to get this I know is a huge blow to him. It's just very sad to see that SD doesn't want DH around but stepdad is fine if not perferred.
Been there, done that as a
Been there, done that as a dad with my two teenage kids. The BM is a coach for our local school district and doesn't "remember" to encourage or remind the kids to let me in on their athletic schedules which are not always publicly available. In previous years, I would spend a lot of time trolling the Internet trying to find out schedules and times of events because the school system isn't always very accurate if you call to ask...and because the BM wouldn't respond to my phone or text requests (conveniently for her).
Did it hurt that my kids seemingly didn't care that I went to their activities or events? YES, it did! Did they even realize how much trouble I went to find out about the events and rearrange my entire work schedule so I could be there when (and if) I found out? Probably not and may not have cared because it seemed that I didn't care to be there for them...but mom was always there.
After about three years of this with times that I would show up and not even be acknowledged by them at all, I began to reassess the problem. Maybe if I didn't try so hard that it would make a difference in their behavior towards me and that they would finally realize that my life was important and that I deserved some respect and attention. So, I emphasized to them that I would come to their events only if they informed me ahead of time when they were and where they would be. I also re-emphasized the amount of trouble I went to be there in the past and that I felt I deserved some respect for the efforts I went to on their behalf.
So, I stopped going to their events...not because I didn't love them but because my presence didn't seem to matter to them. Why beat myself up over behavior I cannot control and why continue putting myself in a position to feel hurt and betrayed? It made a world of difference in how I felt about myself and in how they treated me. After a few times of not being there, they began letting me know when their events were and even showed genuine appreciation to me whenever I came.
To this day, they know not to expect me at their events unless they personally communicate their schedule to me. They don't contact me 100% of the time (and that's alright because I'm sure there are times they would rather their parents not attend), but it is a much better experience for all of us now that I've put my foot down.