Disengage
Ok. I have started disengaging I don't do anything with his son. I use to take his son to school during the 50% of time he had him. I also use to pick him up from daycare and take him fun places. His mother felt insecure and told my bf that she doesn't want me to watch him anymore because she is the mother and if the father can't watch him for some reason he should contact her. I told my live in bf that since his ex wife has a problem with me transporting his son and keeping him while the father is away, I will not baby sit their son anymore since he was not willing to stand up to her and have her understand where I stand in this relationship in regards to the care of their son. My bf claims that she understands but nothing has come up to test it and I am not convinced. Fast forward
Today he asked me to watch his son 8, while he go to a part time job, and I told him no because I didn't want to baby sit and I want to go watch my daughters sporting event without interruptions. I live in his house, and I pay a fair amount, but am I wrong for not watching his son? His wife wants to dictate what I do with their kid even in his care and he allowed it. He was clearly upset that I said no. I was thinking about discussing it when he gets home and telling him that until I am sure that his mother understands my role that I will remain with the same of not caring for him.
You're right on. Technically
You're right on. Technically while the child is in his custody he can appoint anyone to stand in form him - babysit. But laying technicallities aside the bio-mother has said she feels insecure with the situation and there is no reason to start a argument over this. He can drop the kid off at the mothers on the way to work and pick the kid up on the way back. Welcome to parenting Daddy.
And by the way the point of a kid visiting a parent is to spend time with that parent. One more reason for you to not be involved in babysitting. Plus lets be realistic - you're a girlfriend - you may leave tomorrow - both parents should be leary of allowing their kid to get too attached to you - and so should you.
Speaking of leaving why stick around this loser (for you) situation? If things are going sour cut your losses and move on now. There are a million guys out there without children. Go and find one - I guarantee you will have seved yourself half a lifetime of grief and sorro which is what you will gain by becoming a step-parent. And should you choose to disregard my advise and marry this guy don't have a child for at least a year, preferably two, by then you'll be wanting to leave and you won't have another kid mixed up in this mess.
OCC, I always love your
OCC, I always love your posts. You cut to the chase!! Say it like it is!
The mother has a fair point.
The mother has a fair point. As long as she is prepared to mind the child while boyfriend is working or whatever, and as long as she is prepared to pick up and drop off child when bf can't. Let her do it.
Then see if BF stands up to her. I am sure once it hits home how much inconvenience this is going to cause mum and dad things will change.
But you do have every right to refuse and in this case where the mother has asked to be advised when the father cannot look after the child. I think you should refuse. By ignoring her wishes, she will blame you not BF it is not worth the trouble.
BF needs to sort this out with BM.
That's the problem she is not
That's the problem she is not prepared or willing to do so. She barely wants to keep her son during her 50% of the time. She just wants to call shots and he lets her and as a result I let them parent their own kid. She signed him up for an activity for the first time in his life and then told the father that she cant take him to practice because she is too busy. wtf? We both have careers that are very demanding of our time, who is she the Secretary of State? I travel around the United States to watch my daughter play, work, take her to school and practice all as a single parent and this b**ch want to call shots and she doesnt do 1/4 of what I do for my kid in 17 years. I just told my bf that since he can't seem to grow any balls then everything need to be handled by the two of them. Period not to mention he still sleeps in the bed with his 8 year old son because his son doesn't want to sleep by himself. Dear God, it's just so pathetic. I am soo tired of repeating myself. I am leaving on January 1st. Somewhere deep in my heart I try to find a reason to stay hoping he will man up. Only to watch him pretend like he is changing temporarily. To think I ALMOST felt sorry for him today.
The BM was obviously jealous of having me around it has nothing to do with her son or else she would be more involved in his activities like I WAS and taking him places like I did. She was more worried about being embarrassed because of her lack of caring for her son. Oh yeah my bf is feeling it and that's probably why he sleeps with his son it's his sick way of feeling comfort when everything else is falling apart. What a coward.. I wouldn't want my kids in his school
^^^I'm with Coconut - sounds
^^^I'm with Coconut - sounds like this is a no-win situation for you.
You are right on! Stick to
You are right on! Stick to your guns and force BM to put her money where her mouth is. We will see if she changes her tune after she is constantly called on to take over when you otherwise would have been happy to do so. PLUS, BM can also deal feelings of guilt when she sees that she has taken away a resource from her own son. The SS may even mention to her that he misses you. BM should have appreciated another adult spending quality time with her son. Her loss... your gain of more free time for yourself and quality time with your own daughter.