Do you ever vacation w/o skids?
Just wondering...does anyone go on vacations without their skids? Dh and I have 3 kids of our own- 4 mths, 3 yo and 5yo. I also have a 12yo ss. Two years ago we took a trip with our kids only- no ss. He didn't want to visit us throughout the year and the kids were finally at an age to try going somewhere. Since ss wasn't interested in visiting with us throughout the year I didn't think he should be 'rewarded' and still be allowed to come on vacation. Seriously, he didn't visit us for a yet or longer. We visited family in one town and went on to sea world for a few days and never told ss about our trip. He still spent another year not wantig to visit and actually came twice maybe. So last year we took another vacation to AZ/CA. Dh decided not to tell ss about us going and never invited him either. Instead he invited my mom so she could help pay for gas! Ha ha! So the last 3 years we've had limited visitation and have taken 2 (relaxing and totally fun) vacations without ss. A few mths ago bm requested cs to increase. So dh counteracted for more visitation. So now ss is over a lot! It's been a rough adjustment for ALL of us. Would it be wrong to have a family vacation without him again? Even if it's in the fall/winter? I just feel that we could all use a family break from ss. It's been stressful on me as a sahm, with an infant, having to take care of my ss. It's been hard on our kids having to deal with ss invading their home, space, fighting with them, etc. And honestly, dh would rather not deal and could use a break. The only reason I feel he requested more visitation is because the cs went up. Before that he never pushed it. And had cs not gone up, things would've stayed the same where we'd only see ss once in a blue moon. Thoughts?
i never take skids on
i never take skids on vacation ~~ took ss with us for one small w/e get away, it was miserable! just conveniently plan your vacation when he is at home with bm..... he won't know and you'll have fun....
and i don't see it as his home, too ~ otherwise he may want to go there more, his home is with bm, she's CP, right?....
Not when the SKid was
Not when the SKid was younger. My wife always felt guilty and insisted that we postponed any major vacations until the Skid got back from visitation with the SpermClan.
I finally put my foot down and told her I would not postpone our lives for the SpermIdiots visitation schedule any more.
Once SS hit his teens we gave him a choice. Go on vacation with us and inform SpermDad when SS would come for visitation or go on visitation and miss a conflicting Rags family vacation.
Best regards.
BM never allowed us to take
BM never allowed us to take SD anywhere and we rarely took SS with us. Our vacation usually were us visiting my family and he just didn't want to go - he was invited but nope I've got plans.
Oh well
We only live 105 apart now.
We only live 105 apart now. Before we moved ss would come EOW and 30 days in the summer. He even has his own room in our house. But we then had 2 kids and he became extremely jealous of ds2. DS (a baby) had to share a room with him and he hated it. Dh then lost his job and found one in another town, hence the move. Dh would try to get ss to visit but it's hard to compete with his maternal grandparents. Ss lives with his mom but her parents keep ss A LOT. They used to (maybe still do) buy him everything he wants. Seriously. At first he didn't want to come because grandpa would buy him motor bikes, dirt bikes, 4wheelers, etc and he was excited to try them out. Bm also would conveniently be unavailable on holidays when dh would call. So after a while dh gave up. It DOES feel like he's invading our house because for 3 years he made it clear he didn't want to come.As he got older he'd flag out tell dh he didn't want to come and for no reason. His attitude is the typical teen 'i don't care' attitude and he ONLY calls dh when he wants something. To answer the question- no he still does not want to come over. He comes now because he HAS to by court order. My kids enjoy him for the most part. But after day 2 or 3 the kids are ready for him to leave and ss is ready to be home. Our house is small and ss obviously doesn't have his own space here. So it is cramped, hence the 'invading'. He takes over DD's room and she feels she can't be in her room. Invading. I'm glad some people have ideal step parenting circumsyancesbut I don't.
We take some vacations with
We take some vacations with them, some without.
If we want to go somewhere, we go. If we have them, they come along.
Very rarely.... do they go
Very rarely....
do they go with us.
Well the boy is being forced
Well the boy is being forced into a situation he hates, in fact you ALL hate.
So he will make things difficult because he can.
I would tell your SS that you have this mini vacation planned when he is in school. (Gove him 14 days notice)But his dad will take him away in November.
YOur DH should be spending time with his son alone. Yes, your DH is married to you but he is also a father to his son which can be a special bond. If nothing else he can guide his son into manhood and have some influence on him.
Yes, he is being forced. We
Yes, he is being forced. We all are! And seriously it's only because cs went up. DH can't handle the 3 we have together, then add another. He likes being able to come home after work (after I've dealt with the kids all day) and kick back and watch tv and not deal with any kids. He only wanted these 30 days in the summer because that's the max the court says he can get so he's going to take all 30 days even if it makes ss miserable. He's even said when ss is older that he's still going to force him to come. Anyway, for whatever reason dh prefers to take our older 2 kids along with ss if they go anywhere. I do try to give them a chance to spend some alone fine together but I think dh is uncomfortable with that. He sees a lot of bm in him and doesn't trust ss.
Thanks. That's exactly how I
Thanks. That's exactly how I feel. Ss only wants to come over or wants dh when it benefits himself. (if he's going to get something). He told dh it's boring at our place and he never gets bored at his mom's house. (yeah right.) So I figure, why 'bore' him with a family vacation, right? I mean finding a vacation spot for a 3 yo and a 12 yo? I don't know if we'll go on one, but I justwanted feedback on how other parents do it.
We've never taken a vacation
We've never taken a vacation without all five kids. This year will be the first year that we will only have four of them with us. My oldest is doing the summer semester at college this year.
We have "family" vacations
We have "family" vacations and 'private" vacations and keep a pretty even split. It works really well for us. I don't think I could stand to have the skids with us on all of our trips, but I don't mind it at all if it's not all the time. We go camping a lot and are very outdoorsy, so we usually rotate trips with just me and H and trips with all of us. We really need couple time alone without the skids, so we make sure to plan trips for just us, but we want the skids to have fun too and get family time with us so we have kid-oriented trips too. We have pretty strict car manners rules and I plan ahead by packing tons of stuff for them to do and read in the car and lots of healthy snacks so we avoid fast food and sugary stuff. Nothing makes the kids melt down faster than eating junk and sugar on long car trips! Also, H and I can rough it pretty much anywhere and I am always happy to sleep in the car or throw a tarp and sleeping bag down anywhere, but we have to make things a lot more kid-friendly when we have the skids. We are taking my oldest skid to a wonderful summer camp (his first week away from family!) here in a few days and we are planning on stopping at various grandparents and relatives houses along the way to visit and give the kids a chance to relax, play outside and have showers and clean and comfy beds along the way. My grandparents have a completely magical house on amazing property and I am really excited to take the boys there. They have the best climbing trees in the world and a really cool and fun house. I used to live with them in the summers (my whole family stayed with them, not just me!) and I had a blast.
To make the kid trips easier we have a little cooler with jerky, washed fruit and sandwiches with juice and water so they don't get hungry or low blood sugar. I always bring blankets and pillows for naps and crosswords, soduku, coloring books, crayons, little bags of toy cars and action figures, books and Brain Quest trivia flip books. For H and I we always bring the cards from Trivial Pursuit and quiz each other and I bring my journal, crosswords, iPod, books for me and my laptop and Disney movies for the kids. As long as we have plenty for them to do, the trips are usually very smooth and pleasant, although we have to go more slowly and stop for more bathroom breaks with the kids along. Planning ahead makes a HUGE difference and I think lots to do and healthy snacks make for the best trips.
Taking our first ss free trip
Taking our first ss free trip in 2 weeks. It is just a 3 day w/e but I am excited. He, too, rejects all of us on a eow basis and has stated he wishes to not visit at all. I felt funny about it at first, but after awhile I realized that a vaca is supposed to be relaxing and he has a very poor track record on all of our previous trips-the last just being 2 months ago. We have taken trips without all of our kids and those are just blessed as well. My dd is almost 13 and very responsible wso we are at the point where we can leave the kids one night at the condo and have dinner out. we can't do that when ss is there-because he insists on trying to assert his authority over my dd immediately when we walk out teh door. It's good to think about the "right" thing to do and others feelings, but sometimes you can come first too