Does it ever get better?
I used to get along with sd12 ok but now that she is a pre teen I DREAD every weekend she is here. I hate to say it but she has pushed me to the point where I seriously dislike her and don't think I will ever be able to like her again. I know pre teens can be difficult but she brings to another level where the BM has let her just do what she wants instead of fight with her. Now her bad attitude and behavior trickles down here ever other weekend. The only time she interacts with me is to try to find topics to argue about.
She has a serious problem separating her and Bms fantasy magic fairy world from reality. She lied last year and refused to do all of her homework for 2 entire semesters of school. She told us that it never happened Friday because we don't see it the "way she does". Doesn't matter, the teachers and your report card you didn't do your homework! BM was just letting her go home, watch tv and actually believed her when she said she had no homework. She's never happy and anything she wants always involves an ulterior motive. She somehow bullied her mother into letting her pick where they went for her sister's birthday. She takes 2 hour showers on the weekend because her mother never limits her time. She can't deal with the "confrontation" with her.
She won't brush her hair or get dressed unless we bribe her, anything we ask her to do is like pulling teeth. She terrorizes her sister and screams at her constantly. I've never heard the word can you please come out of the brat's mouth.We were trying to help her sister this morning because she was having breathing issues. We told the sister to find her emergency inhaler and not to take an albuterol treatment because it would be too soon from the last one. SD12 starts screaming at her sister to not do what we said because "we don't know as much because we don't have asthma". After telling her to shut up because she was making the situation worse, she started screaming at my husband and I and with the horrid look on her face. Sorry you little witch unlike mommy I won't tolerate have a 12 year old boss me around in my own house.
Is this normal behavior for a pre teen or is she being needlessly aggressive? My husband said it's normal but if I EVER spoke to my parents like that at that age, I would have had been in deep sh!t. He also doesn't think disengaging from here will help only make her more defiant, I don't think she could get much worse.
I am strict. I was raised by
I am strict. I was raised by a retired military man ONLY, I have no record, no bio kids, no abuse habits, etc. I know and believe in right and wrong. My ss is treated like the king of the household when with bm. We now have custody but even when it was eow(eek) it was the same. My point, I treat ss like I treat my nieces and nephews, like I treat my students. Dh and I don't always agree BUT I am me and he is him. And now that ss is 11, dh sees that ss is playing the system. Which helps me not always be the bad guy. And I am sure if you read my passed posts, you will see that I struggled as well. Keep venting to us! It helps, don't give in, kids need structure. One day sd will be a better person for it. Even if you disengage, do what works for YOU. Even if it wasn't s a simple leaving her at home because she doesn't want to clean herself up or making her wait in the car with a simple " not looking like that". I don't know. Again, I have learned to be true to my convictions. Good luck!!!!!! Hope to see a LOT more of you.
Sounds like your DH can't
Sounds like your DH can't handle the drama and is clueless hence the "normal" comment. He's afraid of you disengaging b/c then it really will be all on him.
Your DH needs to step up to the plate and shut her down. There needs to be firm consequences and follow thru when she acts like this. It will only get worse so it's important to start now.
I was struggling with that
I was struggling with that "he's just a teenager" excuse for my SS15 for far too long. I understand being a (pre)teen involves difficult and hard to understand changes, but that is no excuse to be a brat and disrespectful. Everyone excuses poor teenage behavior, but I won't tolerate it. They are still human beings and should be able to act and treat others with respect.
Talk to your DH and explain that both of you deserve respect in YOUR home and being a preteen does not excuse disrespectful behavior. There should be consequences (losing phone/ipod/grounding) for behavior like that.
I have recently disengaged from my SS15, and so far, so good. I can always re-engage at some point, but NOT until I'm treated with respect in my home!
LOL your DH says it's normal?
LOL your DH says it's normal? Has he raised a 12 year old girl before? Bunch of crap! When my girl was 12 she was NOTHING like what you are describing!
No, I don't believe it gets
No, I don't believe it gets better. Of course her BF doesn't want you to disengage! What, and be free from her bullsh*t? Well, relatively free, as long as she spends time under the dame roof as you, you will never be free. I can't stand my SD and I don't even care anymore. I'm sorry for all the time and money I spent trying to be cool to her.
Oh wow, that's crazy. My sd12
Oh wow, that's crazy. My sd12 is what brought me to this forum today. I don't know what gives a 12 years the nerve to think they can challenge adult authority, and in your own home. That would have drove me nut, especially given the situation. I feel for you. I hope the situation gets better. Respect from kids today just doesn't come as easy as I thought.
And her newest passive
And her newest passive aggressive psycho behavior she has been changing her tampons wrapping them in toilet paper all around her bed. I discovered that wonderful mess last night... DH will have to deal with it or I'm sticking them in her pillow case.