Facebook friend request
My MIL sent me a FB friend request for the THIRD time. First, we have a very distant relationship. I tried for almost 10 years (DH ex wife is/will always be her SECRET DIL) before I just gave up trying to win her over. However, we are respectful towards each other.
The first request, we were friends for about 2 years. The second request was when she was visiting for our OBS HS graduation . She tried to tag one of the photos I posted of her and our OBS and FB asked my permission before she was able to tag the photo. I then discovered I had been unfriended. She apparently noticed and requested me during her visit. I asked if she unfriended me before accepting and she said she did not (she is clueless w/technology) and said if she did she did not know she did. My DH said he thought OSD did it. OSD lives w/MIL and possibly did it from the home pc. I went ahead and accepted the request.
Last week DH stated that MIL asked him to ask me to go to her FB page and RSVP in the comments for their upcoming family reunion since my DH does not have FB but that she shared the invite that is going around . I went to MIL page and what do you know? I have been unfriended again. My DH is for sure that OSD did it again and is being spiteful. I know my MIL likes to see photos of our BK's and use FB as a tool for that so I'm now thinking the same.
I do not want to keep going through this FB ridiculousness. DH did tell my MIL that i have been unfriended again and she is swearing up/down she is not unfriending me. DH doesn't feel comfortable asking or even telling his mom to log off because he thinks OSD is unfriending me. Especially because OSD cries to her and plays the "my dad care about the kids that live with him more" and OSD is MIL special snowflake. I honestly don't want to accept the request again so that the same thing can happen. I told DH he need to figure it out about the family reunion RSVP. My question is what would you do about the request sitting out there? There's that part that says, "oh well she needs to lock down her FB since she didn't do it the first time" and that other part that doesn't want to be the rude DIL and give her more ammunition against me. As simple as this may seem, I'm not sure how to handle the request.
She has a phone, right?
If you don't want the hassle, tell your mother in law that you don't get on Facebook much and you're not sure how all the parts work. If she wants to talk with you, invite you to things (or your husband), etc., tell her to pick up the phone. I'm sure she remembers how a telephone works.
This Facebook nonsense is BS. Or this Facebook BS is nonsense. Either way, more than a few relationships have begun or died because of the power of Facebook. It's time to take back the power. If you never hear from your mother in law again, you'll know whatever she wants to communicate really wasn't important enough to pick up the phone.
It’s simple - just let the
It’s simple - just let the request sit there. If MIL inquires about it, you can either shrug it off and skirt around the subject, or just play like you don’t know what she’s talking about. She can’t resend a friend request while there’s one sitting there in pending mode. Your other option would be to block her, plus any and all mutual acquaintances you have with her.
With that said, I would absolutely not accept her friend request. You’ll regret it. And why keep subjecting yourself to the mysterious unfriending?
My MIL is a real gem. Numerous attempts of being her “friend” on social media only deepened my disdain for her willfully ignorant game playing. And I’m not a fool - she is not my “friend” in real life, so why the facade?
One day I just had enough, because you see, my MIL is one of those southern queens bees that wears her heart on her sleeve. If she’s feeling a certain way about something or someone, she’ll convey in way of a meme, because she lacks the backbone to address people in the real world, and talk it out like a real adult. I got tired of calling her out on her passive aggressive BS. She sent me a(nother) request a few months ago and I wasted no time denying her request, since my gloves are off with her at this point.
Plus, my MIL still enjoys playing BFFs with DH’s Ex in-laws on Facebook, and I refuse to stoop to that level and associate with any of that stupidness. It’s alllllllll a game. Seriously, that’s all it is. Remind yourself of this.
Thank you! You get it, It
Thank you! You get it, It was more then just a "facebook " issue (which is why I hesitated to post here), its the games being played around FB that aggravates me. My MIL knows I barely get on FB and only use it to post photos of us/kids to stay connected to our out of town family/friends, I never post stats. For some reason FB seems to be a big deal to her and the only way she seems to show interest in communicating with me (never initiate calls unless looking for dh, etc) .
My MIL has never been passive aggressive like yours, just distant towards me (like she wants me to know were never going to be close but wants DH to think otherwise) and make a point to tell me she loves me rather DH is around or not. Very reserved but she will never admit her true feelings. I've accepted our relationship the way it is, in fact. So I don't know what her aim is. I did not want to handle this rudely when/if the request thing come up. And I struggle with sugar coating words for the most part. Your advise was very helpful. I will just ignore and block like another poster suggested. I thought she would know if she was blocked! LOL
P.S. Like yours, my DH Ex wife is still my MIL DIL of course but they can have each other.
For some reason FB seems to
It’s the same way with my MIL. But, in her defense, she can no longer contact me, because I’ve blocked her from texting me, too. It was the final straw with the shenanigans she pulled while skid was here last Christmas.
I know she tells my DH “I sent momjeans a text, but she never responds!”
Oh my, I'm sorry you have
Oh my, I'm sorry you have such a nasty MIL. Reading your post make me appreciate the pretentious MIL I have.
"I know she tells my DH “I sent momjeans a text, but she never responds!” I have a funny feeling THIS is what my MIL is going to pull with my DH and I will now be prepared. Thanks!
I would deny it. I would tell
I would deny it. I would tell the MIL or your DH to tell his mother that since y'all seem to keep getting disconnected for whatever reason, he will just text her some pictures instead. This way OSD cannot interfere with granny recieving the pictures and the battle of wills isn't still going on.
This is great, thanks Max!
This is great, thanks Max! She could have just asked my DH if we were coming or ask him for photos anyway. She would rather waste time asking him to ask me to do things. I wouldn't mind so much if she made more of an effort with me and stopped using my DH as the go between guy or try to prove to him she's trying..
Just tell her the truth -
Just tell her the truth - that there is no point accepting it given it just keeps getting deleted. Don't get into speculation or dicussion about how you keep getting unfriended as it's irrelevant, what matters is that it keeps happening so it's pointless continuing to try and be friends on FB.
I thought about that Loxy.
I thought about that Loxy. She is just so good at denying things she does in the past when my DH or I asked her about things she said or did (and my DH believes everything she says). Like she did the first time it happened. I felt like once I make that statement, she deny and I would be expected to accept. Idk, I may still say that, let her deny and still not accept it and hope she take the hint. Thanks for your suggestion!
You're Not Friends In Your Real World, Why Be Virtual Friends?
This is odd.
I'm not a FB junkie, but occasionally check in.
It boggles the mind that people who didn't like me, nor did I like them, 30, 40 years ago, come crawling out of the woodwork like a cockroach of bygone days, expecting to be in my life. My philosphy on that is, "We didn't care for each other all those years ago, what's the point?"
You can always accept, then unfollow, or block her.