back before she leaves for school that says"PROPERTY OF BM, not responsible for bear claws". just kidden' but u know, she is her mothers daughter, and unfortunatly in this case, will be just like her. ~"Resist all the urges.... that make you want to go out and kill." ~ Chel.

10 is a bit too young for nails...when I get my nails filled I take my daughter with to get hers polished and that's it, it's a girl thing we do to be alone with each other sometimes and she thinks it's just the coolest to have someone just polish her nails for her!

I say take her to a nail salon and have them removed.. Explain to your sd that she is ruining her nails, and she knows what the dr said.. the BM is NOT a dr. and should not be telling her this is ok. I agree w/sixguns that polishing her nails would have be ok.. but slapping fake nails on her is just wrong... not to mention a waste of money.

I think this falls under a health issue. What did your dh think?

But Jess is the custodial sm.. so, I would think that the BM shouldnt be doing anything like this w/o the biodad's approval.

I just think that what is in the best interest of the child vs. the wants and needs of the bm are what matter.

I bought SD11 makeup for Christmas and BM FLIPPED. It was the kind of makeup you buy in the barbie aisle that is barely even visible and it was just to go along with the theme I was running with of nail polish, lip balm, lotion, body spray etc. Also, BM forbids SD11 from wearing dangly earrings...which is probably because I am a big earring type of girl....the bigger the better. BM also won't let her wear hoops probably because that is what I wear. BM does this all in the name of maintaining age appropriate appearance of her daughter.

So what does BM do for SD11 on her birthday a couple of weeks ago? Fake nails. SD11 and I were playing cards and she was doing the tapping thing and I told her if she didn't quit, I was going to rip them off one by one.

BM really does crack me up sometimes....

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

I think 10 is way too young for fake nails. My 12 yr old bd wants them and I have said no way. However, I have let her get the press on kind just for fun.

Georgie

it is all in how you are raised whether or not we like acrylic nails, nail polish, hoop earrings, pierced ears, tatoos, etc.

It has to do with the values/culture of the ethnic/national origin of the family as well as economic & educational levels that also determine our attitudes.
We can't pretend that these children are our children because we are raising them (in this case, the step is the custodial parent). But they really belong to someone else & even if our better sense tells us to raise them with our values-----those values of the bio parent will pop up.
All of this can lead to frustration ----- the clashing of values in the same house!!!!!

I agree. (This does not apply to any woman raising stepchildren full time because biomom is too incompetent to do so) It always falls back to how the bioparent was raised. Probably not popular opinion here, but stepchildren are products of their parents. I'm a bioparent and future stepparent. I understand the difference. While I would never imagine putting acrylic nails on any daughter of mine, I can't stop anyone else from putting them on their own child. And, I'm sure I've made some questionable choices in the eyes of others in raising my own son. God knows, I'm not perfect.

Jess, I understand being embarrassed for her (I feel embarrassed for my BS15 all the time. He's a bit nutty and proud of it!?), but if SD's not embarrased by them it's probably something you can let go. If she's playing sports...heck she's 10 they probably won't last long anyway. I don't think acrylic nails (even as much as I don't care for them) ultimately means she's going to end up a prositute or on drugs. Keep giving her your positive influences and share with her your values the best you can.

"I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it." Dorothy Parker US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

DH needs to make the BM (or if you have to, I would suggest it for SD sake) take her back to have them removed when that time comes. Don't let her attempt to take them off on her own. I can't imagine letting a 10 year old go through that. It is too bad BM did that.

"I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it." Dorothy Parker US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

I'm with Fearless on the fake nails for 10 year olds -- acrylics destroy your nail beds and BM should know that if she's getting them. I'm with CG though on the hoop earrings and little girl makeup. I love all that stuff. I love the big a** hoop earrings!

I know I'm late to the party. I totally agree with what everyone has said except that unverified person. As I was reading the posts I was beyond pisstivity (and it's not my child) and then I came across Fearless. Your name says it all sweetheart. You said it before I could get to the bottom to put my two cents in. After your reply, there is nothing left for discussion here. You know kinda like arriving at the scene of the accident and the ambulance has carted off the injured, the tow-truck driver has hauled off the wrecked cars, all that's left is the service aide sweeping all of the debris into a pile in the middle of the street. NOTHING To see here.

My new StepMother's Motto:

When life gives you lemons... Make a damn good Margarita.

My step daughter is 10 and she was 8 when i very first met her and she was a sweet little girl, very cute and i thought she is lovely and we got on really well.

She had a facination with my make up and when she stayed she wanted me to do her make up which we would do of an evening for fun, i would do hers and she did mine - it was a way of us bonding.

She started to come round after school and i noticed she was covered in make up and when i asked her about it she said i always look like this when i go to school!! Oh my god what is her mother doing letting her go to school like that. Now its not my place to say anything so i prompted her dad to say its not really right, however she doesn't live with us so it is differcult to control.

Now every school holidays her mum takes her to get her fake nails done, i was in total shock i wanted to call her mother and say she is 10 years old but again its not my place and i don't have children of my own so i thought well maybe this is the way things are now what would i know not being a parent? I just felt if she were my child i wouldn't allow it.

So she now wears make up and fake nails and wants everything on demand, i swaer she thinks she is paris Hilton! To me she is just a little girl and her mothers is trying to be too much like a friend to her and not a mother.

This child needs to be treated age-appropriately. I have a bd13 and sd5. I used to wear acrylic nails years ago - until i accidently riped two of them off. The entire nail bed was raw. I stopped. It took months for the rest of the nails to be strong once again.

At any rate - when i used to get my nails done every two weeks - I would allow the technicians to paint my bd daughters nails and maybe put a pretty flower design on them. But i had to make sure she did not bite the polish off. I only allowed it - because she learned to stop biting her nails.......

Now at thirteen - I purchase my daughter (bd13) nail polishes to do her own nails. Too which she can wear any color she likes but black. AND if she does some crazy colors - i ask her to at least look presentable on Sundays when we go to church. No craziness.

BUT my sd5. Have press on nails already. Which there is nothing wrong with.... But I hope that her mother doesn't go any further with it any time soon. She usually has a very nice color on sd5's nails. But i know BM is not going to allow her to grow up normally.

She put makeup on sd5 face and lipstick for her Pre-K graduation pictures. I mean full makeup.

I just hope she does not mess sd5 fingernails up by getting acrylics - they will file her nails down and make them extremely weak.

This is a perfect example of why being a Stepmom is so difficult.

same problem with my niece...I always tell her that she looks much more beautiful without all that, makeup and nails. It works, she still wears the junk but not at my house..

Back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth, I had those fake press-on nails to wear for fun & as I got older, nail polish, because that's what pre-teen girls did back in the 80's. (That and stare at their Kirk Cameron posters! Or NKOTB, if you were into that sort of thing. Personally, I thought all those guys were butt ugly, but that was my opinion!) ANYWAY...

BM does not let SD8 & FSD11 do or wear anything "girly". Half the time, they look like they crawled out of a dumpster after being with BM. But sometimes BM makes judgment calls that astound us.

BM went through a phase of constantly dying her hair one crazy color or another. But the bad part is that she started dying the kids' hair also. This is when they were like 4 & 6 years old. I'm not kidding. This started before I came into their lives & my husband describes FSD, then about to start 1st grade at a new school, being mortified that all these new kids would see her with blue hair. She tried to wear a hat to school. I can't even imagine doing this to a kid! Luckily, the hair dying phase ended shortly after I came along.

My husband also tells me of the time BM & her newest boytoy mentioned putting DREADLOCKS in the girls' hair. (The girls were only like 3 & 5) My husband flipped out & so it never happened.

The worst thing, though, was far more serious. BM told both girls that when they turned 7 they could each get their ears pierced. FSD had hers done the day before going to my husband's house because that way he would be the one doing all the cleaning & stuff (BM would never make sure it got done). Over time she let the holes close up & then decided she wanted to wear earrings one day. So she reopened the hole with a pin (it took forever to get her to tell us what she used), like a pin you wear on a shirt, and it immediately became infected. This happened at BM's. When she came to our place, my husband saw her ear & immediately took her to the doctor. It was a STAPH infection! If she hadn't come to our house, God only knows what might have happened. Of course, BM shrugged this off like it was no big deal, didn't even thank my husband for his quick reaction. And the next time we had the kids, FSD made it sound like it went away on its own. She kept saying how she "peeled off the infection" (the scab came off).

When SD8 had turned 7, BM bought an ear-piercing kit, saying how unsafe it was to get your ears pierced at places that pierce ears! I don't know why my husband went along with it, but he let her do it. So she not only pierced SD's, but also re pierced FSD's. (Of course, the day before coming to our house.) It lasted a few weeks, then SD's ears started becoming infected. We had to help her remove the earrings because they were so crusty & tight that she could not get them off & was in a lot of pain. When I looked at the earrings, I could see what the problem was. They were those really tiny earrings, like the kind babies or really small kids wear. And SD's earlobes are fairly thick. I have no idea how she even got them to stay on. After this, SD8 has not mentioned earrings whatsoever & FSD11 let hers close up again. I think they made the right choice. My husband & I had the opinion from the start that they were too young to handle this. Let them wait until they're in their early teens to decide if they want to try again!

A little note for nail polish users out there...there are some awesome odor-free polishes on the market that are worth checking out. I stopped doing my nails a long time ago because I could not stand the smell, but in recent years discovered water-based polishes. They have a very faint vague odor -- but it's barely noticeable & not at all offensive. Suncoat makes the best that I've tried so far. It lasts as long as regular polishes do & they have all kinds of colors. Check them out on Amazon.

I say you take her to the nail salon and get those things off her fingers. They can cause serious damage to your real nails. The real nails underneath can be ripped off if the long fake ones get caught in something (like a car door handle OUCH), your actual nail is damaged and weakened more and more the longer you wear them. I could go on and on. Take her to the salon, get those things off of her and then let them paint her real nails a pretty color and put little stick on diamonds on them, hell if you feel like it get her a little pedicure - that way you're not the bad guy.
They will come off on their own in a few weeks but if bm wants to keep these things on her, it is going to cost literally hundreds a year and her real little girl nails will be ruined.

Im surprised she is allowed to wear them at school, I think they are hideous, lol the tapping would annoy me big time as well, kids grow up to soon these days, its up to us to keep them kids for a bit longer I think.

SD6 has showed up to our house on several occassions in mini-skirts (and I don't mean short, I mean skin tight lycra micro-mini), hair done up to the 9's, a full face of make up, and perfume on. The school has even called DH before asking him to bring in a change of clothes because her skirt is too short and she can't participate in circle time (reading time) or outdoor recess dressed like that.

She. Is. 6. She's in Kindergarden.

Needless to say, DH hits the roof every single time. BM just laughs. She does it because she knows DH gets mad. She spins it to SD6 that it's just bonding time for them to do something fun. It has now turned into her wanting to wear that stuff when she goes back to BM's house because she thinks that's what BM wants her to wear.

It has calmed down SIGNIFICANTLY since the school started phoning home, but it still happens on weekends on occasion. I would not be surprised one bit if she showed up with fake nails, well before she hits 10 years old.