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FDHs mom tells me taking care of SDs is my "job" now!

geeps's picture

Submitted by geeps on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 2:51pm

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I have had a strained relationship with FDHs mother since she bought him a single plane ticket to go to Hawaii with her, not telling me, and assuming I would watch FSD4s for a whole week while they were away. We have full custody of FSDs (BM is EOWE). I posted this situation before, if you happened to have read about it, but I changed my username after realizing my posts were easy to find on Google (oops). Either way, I was shocked FDH accepted the ticket and that he also assumed I would watch the FSD4s. I had mentioned that it was out of character for him.

I've been avoiding FDHs mom since then but was forced to be around her today as she came over to spend time with FSD4s while FDH was at work. I thought it might be a good time to slip in my thoughts on the fact that I'm not required to watch SD4s but do it because I want to. This conversation came about after I was telling her how long of a day it had been yesterday with getting FSD4s ready in the morning and taking them to school, picking them up after school to take a nap, then getting them all dressed up and once again taking them back to school for their pre-school graduation. (I put over 100 miles on my car as well as coordinated efforts so BM would be there also).

I politely inserted the comment about how all of it was worth it because of how much FDH appreciated me for it. Her comment..."well you know, being with FDH means its a package deal with FSD4s so that's part of your job now." OMG, I couldn't believe she said that! I instantly knew why FDH had changed so suddenly in his appreciation of what I did and what was expected of me. It was his mom putting those thoughts in his head. Luckily, I recently reminded him they are not my kiddos, stopped doing things for about a week, and he went right back to appreciating all the little things.

I'm so frustrated with FDHs mom. I've tried for FDH's sake to be pleasant with her but I don't think I can anymore. I would rather hang out with BM. At least she appreciates me.

geeps's picture

Submitted by geeps on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 3:02pm

I have no problem taking care of FSDs and doing my part. That has never been a question in my mind. I am only wanting for FDH to continue appreciating me for it and not expecting I do everything because we are engaged.

LValleyGirl28's picture

Submitted by LValleyGirl28 on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 3:26pm

I disageree, BlendedFam. It may be that the FDSs come along with your FDH, but you are NOT obligated to watch them. Your FDH should be grateful that you do this for him. Afterall, they are NOT your kids and you don't have any obligation to them other than to be an upstanding role model and figure in their lives.

If it is being taken advantage of, then disengage, if only for a day or two so he and stupid ass FMIL can hopefully see how valuable you really are. When he's scrambling around, he'll change his tune.

Yes, the Hawaii thing was insane and I woulda packed some bags and left town on my own like BlendedFam said.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 3:46pm

I disagree. We did not give birth to these kids. We did not adopt them. We are not responsible for raising them. Our responsibility is to our spouses. We do what we do to make their lives easier. Not because it is our responsibility.

As for the Hawaii trip did you end up watching the kid. If so, I think you fulfilled any obligation for a good long time and I would be sure MIL knows that.

geeps's picture

Submitted by geeps on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 4:09pm

I refused to watch FSDs while FDH went to Hawaii with his mom. I told him if he could get BM to do it that would be great. Of course BM declined. After the metaphorical "bonk" on the head that so many mentioned I should give, FDH realized how much I did do for the family and how it made his life easier. He is back to appreciating me every bit as well as respecting me as an authority figure. I talked to FDH about this today and I said I was going to speak to his mom about her comment. He agreed with me and said if I didn't he would. Before he was on his mom's side. Now I think he has realized the real situation.