You cannot have a peaceful relationship with someone you cannot forgive. The anger builds and festers and boils over the top until everyone in the room drowns in it. So, how do you forgive your BF or H for being a blind fool who procreated with BM, essentially ruining any chance of a life with you before there even was a you? Whether he thought with his ----, or didn't have any balls to jump ship before it was too late...he messed up and married the bitch, because he was young and stupid, okay, but then she wanted kids, and he knew she was a loon and he knew he shouldn't do it, but he didn't have the balls to say no, or had too many balls and thought more about the 5 minute lay, whatever the case, the sperm hit the egg and my chance to have the life I dreamed of with the man of my dreams went poof. And its not like wine spilled on the carpet, or you forgot a doctor's appt....this screw up is forever, of monumental proportions, one of the few errors that cannot be undone. It means we cannot go where we want, do what we want, enjoy our family without his screw up around like some kind of freaky extra wheel...here is our picture perfect family we worked so hard for, aren't they beautiful?...oh, who is that fat kid ugly kid in the corner lighting the couch on fire...oh, he is from the previous marriage....We are prisoners to psycho bitch forever, because of his one moment of bad, very very bad judgement. How can that be fair? How can I not hate him for that? How can I hate someone I love so much? These days, I can barely see whatever love is left, eclipsed by this growing orb of loathing. Even prison is a limited sentence. Even for murder you do your time and then walk away. He, and I if I stay, or in prison forever. I cannot be the only one who feels this way. Finding this man was a tease, so nearly perfect but because of one error, impossible. Am I the only one who wants to scream, and smash something, and slam my head into the wall yelling at the top of my lungs "WWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYY? I think of all the infertile couples, and all the couples who marry and kindly part ways without having kids on the way out the door. WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY? It eats me alive every second. So close but so far. I know that we have no where to go from here but our own ways...him with that kid and the ex holding the leash, me alone to lick my wounds and learn from my mistakes. But what mistake did I make? Only to love a man who made a tragic one.