Had a Big blow up!
Forums:
So as you guys know from my previous post, about my bf's son who has no rules and consequences I told my boyfriend today things need to change or we will not last. He pretty much told me I need to mind my own business and that I should worry about my kids and he should worry about his. He also told me I will never have a say in how his son is raised or his discipline. This to me sounds like he has no intention on changing his kiddo's behavior or wanting to be a blended family. He tells me that I shouldn't play favorites and should treat his son equal to my kids, what do you think about this? He also told me when I am babysitting his child I cannot set rules or discipline him. Opinions?
If that's his attitude, then
If that's his attitude, then this situation is not sustainable. You might as well cut your losses and leave the relationship now.
yes
I told him he has no interest in being a blended family. He literally wants me to bow down and kiss him and his sons butt. That just isn't going ot happen. I told him he will never find someone who is going to let him and his son walk all over them, and someone that is going to love and treat his son as their own. Maybe someone else will, but I won't.
But apparently you will
Since you are still with him. How many times are you going to ask the same question over and over? He is not going to change and he will continue to call your bluff if you do not act on your words. Quit threatening him with leaving him and just do it.
How are you supposed to treat
How are you supposed to treat his son the same as your own children when your DH is not empowering you to do so?
He wants you to babysit but not discipline? That makes no sense. Are you supposed to let his son run all over you and do nothing to stop it....
Kids need rules and your DH is setting him up to be disrespectful and entitled.
I mean if his attitude is 'his way or no way' then your relationship is not going to qork.
I would go ahead and pack my bags and be with someone who respects and treats you well.
Having a blended family takes alot of work and even then it doesn't always work out. If your DH isn't on the same page with you about something as simple as having a say so in your own home, you may as well not waste any more time on him.
Exactly!
Exactly I can never treat him like he is my own if I am not allowed to set rules, discipline, or have any say in how he is raised.
If he expects you to treat
If he expects you to treat his son like one of yours, that includes discipline. He is talking nonsense! It does not make sense! That's why this is so maddening to you. It does not make sense...
If he does this for his son, what else has he be saying to mess with your head??? He is a hot mess that you need to get away from. Let some other woman take this mess on, You and your kids don't need this.
Big Expectations!
He has huge expectations. I don't think he disciplines the kid. I have only seen him put his son in a time out for a few minutes maybe 1 or 2 times in six months. I honestly do not think this is a proper punishment for a nine year old. When I tell him my concerns about his son he turns it around on me and tells me I hate his son.
So I'm just imagining how
So I'm just imagining how this might look...
You're babysitting his kid. After repeatedly dipping dad's laptop in the toilet, junior is juggling with knives and drinking bleach. But you can't say shit to his kid? That's crazy.
How did you ever get sucked into this mess?
In Raspy, Low, Demonic
best Amityville/Exorcist voice:
GET OUUUUUUT!!!!!
Stop Babysitting
you have to move on by yourself. You two basically don’t see eye to eye. There is no hope
I think that you have only
I think that you have only scratched the surface when it comes to the personality flaws of this man. I think that it's very likely that he is controlling and abusive, and if you were to stay with him, that will become evident a little further down the road.
You are seeing the red flags, heed them.
I think most of these Disney
I think most of these Disney dads say the same thing: “I will worry about my kids, you and you worry about your” and when you say anything about there kid: “you hate my kid”
The anger and defensiveness is their way of getting you to back off and let them keep on doing nothing as a parent. They can’t see or admit that they are being a crappy parent.
Most of us have heard these same lines, the only big difference is that most of these men will back off and step down from their soap box when they realize we are at our breaking point, yours doesn’t.
My Dh has said these things to me about his son who was a teenager when we got together but once I was at my breaking point, he never said pulled those line out again.
His child is young and this battle will see many years and from your post I can tell you don’t want to live like that. You are at your breaking point and he is still not there for you.
You aren’t married and at this point it would be easier to cut ties now and move on.
You've been dating the guy
You've been dating the guy for six months. Don't live together and don't have the same parenting styles.
You're not going to change this man's parenting nor get him to care what you think about it.
The man can not just dump the kid or send kid back to BM (she's dead). He has told you how life with him and his son will be. Believe him. There is nothing telling you he desires to change or parent better.
He has his son who is solely dependent on him an you have your two kids (not sure if there is a biodad in their life or not). You two are simply just not suitable together. Sure , you two without any kids at all around might make a happy couple.... but that isn't your reality.
Let him go. A man you've known for six months. You've stated you have been trying to blend the families for months. You're babysitting his kid who you can't control and have been clearly told you get no say and all you and BF do is fight over the 'blending'.
Why would you continue to 'date' this man? Stop answering his calls and/or seeing him. Move on. Plenty of better and more suitable candidates out there. I'm sure your own two kids will be thrilled to learn you've let the man with his tyrant kid loose. If nothing else, think of how this current situation is affecting your own two kids.
You know the right answer to
You know the right answer to all of this is to not be in a relationship with him.
1. He doesn't trust you. Trust is central to a relationship yet he doesn't trust your judgement
2. You are given responsibility without control - you cannot win and will always be the bad guy.
3. He is a poor father that doesn't care how his son behaves. Either the kid has real issues that should be addressed or he needs to be disciplined and taught how to behave. Your BF is not interested in doing either... he doesn't care.
4. Your BF doesn't care that his son's behaviors impact you and your kids. He is clearly showing you that you and your kids don't matter.
the choice is clear.. move on and find someone better.
At 6 months, I still had
At 6 months, I still had stars in my eyes when it came to DH. At 6 months, you are posting on a board to a bunch of strangers about what a crappy parent and boyfriend your SO is.
Surely there are other men you could date? It really shouldn't be this much work so early in the game.
The solution is too easy.
The solution is too easy. Ghost this loser/user and forget that he ever existed.
Cut him off before the
Cut him off before the holidays and save some money.
BF wants a free nanny and
BF wants a free nanny and concubine, without complaints. What a great deal, for him. I see who the kid gets his entitlement from. Read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Run.
He has basically told you
He has basically told you that things are not going to change, and he expects you to babysit his kids (just wow. what an a*s). So either you accept things as they are, or leave. Imagine LIVING in this situation! I know what I would do.
"he is pressuring me to live
"he is pressuring me to live with him this spring"
Of course, he is, he wants that live-in babysitter situation. You will regret it, you will regret this whole relationship. He already treats you like crap, 6 months in, how do you think he will treat you in a year?
so he
wants you to treat his son like your own but then says he doesn't want you to. disengage from him now. he can't have both ways.
Loser x 10
Oh boy....he sounds like a brain-scrambling loser to the tenth power. C'mon sister, you are better than this. Put you and your boys first. Life with loser & son would leave you and your own kids traumatized.
The elephant is not only shitting in your living room, it is using its own dung to build a bon fire.
Run Forest Run!
Yes he expects me to babysit
Look, girl, you can find men out there who want you to pay all their bills, have orgies with their friends, clean their houses, turn your paycheck over, turn tricks for them, order you to rob banks or kill their exes, let them have three other wives...
Are you gonna do it?
Users are absolutely everywhere. And they count on finding women like you.
If you're desperate to have a man, keep babysitting for him. But if you want your dignity and a man, ask yourself what kind of guy would treat you this way and move on. There are decent men out there who wouldn't think of being so shitty and using you like this and then top it off with enough nerve to tell you you can't even discipline his kids while you're giving him free childcare.
This guy thinks you're a loser who won't say no. Show him who the loser is.
Sounds like DH needs to go
Sounds like DH needs to go shoppin for a baby sitter that will watch his kid outside of your home.
Congratulations on getting fired from babysitting this POS crotch turd.
RUNNNNN
RUNNNNN