Help with Special Needs SS
I have recently been asked if I knew that SS5 had special needs by the social worker on the custody case. I said yes I heard but that BF doens't believe it. What should I do if BF doesn't believe or doesn't want to believe that his son has special needs. I told him its not a big deal and that he'll probably just need more time to learn stuff or need to work with someone at school. I was actually kind of relieved when I heard that from the social worker cause he does need quite a lot more attention than other kids I've been around and other little things that I've noticed. I'm relieved that its "something". But anyway I'm concerned that BF's ego cannot that the fact that his son is different...he's been kind of snippy with me when I did mention it..now i don't anymore..
Yeah, that's hard
I am brand new here - first post - and the reason I came is because I've been in a blended family for 6 years now and my SS14 (I'm not sure of the abbreviations yet!) has high-functioning autism. His parents never knew; I'm the one who suspected it and approached his BF. His BF was a bit defensive but listened. He was frustrated from years of not having a connection with his son, feeling something was of but not knowing what, trying different things with little success. He did approach the BM who was somewhat receptive. She admits out loud that her son has autism when you press her but her actions speak louder. As far as I know, she's never read any books on the subject, never told any of his teachers or his pediatrician, pulled him from therapy without talking to the BF, and doesn't ever act like he needs any special attention.
I have no input into decisions regarding his healthcare or academic support. She carries his insurance so she has to sign off on all therapies. She keeps insisting that I am making mountains out of molehills and she "never has this problem at MY house," whatever it may be at the time. She has even told SS14 that I am unfair, that my rules suck and that he doesn't have to listen to me even though to my face she says I'm being reasonable. BF is tired of hearing me talk about my frustrations and becomes protective of SS14.
I think they are both disappointed in how things came out, not the kind of experience they were hoping for when they had a child. I don't know if BM feels responsible for SS14's condition, but they say mothers sometimes do. BF does not like talking to BM about this; she is difficult and has no respect for him so he rarely makes headway and he has mostly given up. I have tried alternately detaching from the situation and getting really involved but have not figured out the best way to handle things. Therapists have told me I cannot ask or expect anything from BM (which I only believe up to a point) so I have unresolved issues that I tend to take out on SS14.
So I feel your frustration! I don't have it all figured out, but when you approach your hubbie, keep in mind that he is probably grieving whatever he though his son would be like and needs compassion. It can be hard, especially when you feel like you are trying to help. If you can approach it from a supportive place, you may get a better reaction. And give him some time to get used to it, offer some sympathy even if you feel like he should be doing more than he is.
What is it?
It might help if we know exactly what was diagnosed.
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It may be that 50 years from now the only important thing you did in this life is to be important in the life of a kid.
he has a mild form of
he has a mild form of autism...from being around him you wouldn't really suspect it but he does tend to keep to himself around other kids and becomes intensely focused one particular thing. he talks a lot so thats not the problem. but i think he does have some anti social tendencies especially towards kids. he also went to speech therapy for awhile before i met him
Ahh autism.
Its becoming pretty clear that autism is being caused by environmental causes. I would make sure he gets that information from an authority figure such as a Doctor, Family or School Counselor. Since you warned them ahead of time of his resistance they will emphasize that this is not genetic or any fault of his or the boys mother and tens of thousands of children have the syndrome. Have them stress that action now will help the boy "pass" in society as an non-autistic adult. I.e. no one will even notice that he has the syndrome because he has the skills that everyone else has.