homework time, get your pencil sharpened DAD
Anyone else have a guilty BF/H and a lazy, spoiled skid? Speaking of back to school time, anyone familiar with this equation? Lazy skid + guilty dad = dad homework time? This is the first year of junior high, and BF has always done skid's homework. He wants him to be a genius with straight A's, so he does the work while skid whines, wanders around and watches TV (or whatever distraction he can find). BF makes the kid participate only by making him sit his ass in the chair while dad works. BF is already altering our nightly schedule on kid nights to accomodate increased homework. He will not let his kid sink or swim (because he will sink). He will not be the bad guy who listens to kid cry (yes, he cries) because he has to do it himself. I am trying to prepare myself for a school year of BF puzzling over homework assignments. Do you think BF will learn anything from his year in junior high? Obviously not how to be a parent!
Wow, sound like some
Wow, sound like some schooling of how to parent is in order ! :jawdrop:
BF daughter is lazy
BF daughter is lazy especially with her homework. She expects everyone to stop everything and help her with her homework or just do it for her. I refuse to help her at all unless she helps herself no exceptions...if anyone helps with homework or does it for her it will be DD.
This Dad needs to be left
This Dad needs to be left behind. Does he realize that the work gets harder and at some point he won't be helping the kid? He will be getting him bad grades. My son's math skill surpassed mine in the 6th grade. I haven't been able to help him in years. This year he has AP Statistics and that seems easy enough, but thankfully I don't have to help, he has it now. But, I was having a flashback of a Bat Cave Diarama in the third grade. BS watched me use the glue gun for hours.
Seriously, he needs to help not do it for him. How does the kid take the tests or do the classwork??? My husband does ask if I am going to college with my son to nag him to do his work. I may nag, but, I don't do it for him. Thanks you made me feel better about my own parenting.
It is unlikely that your BF
It is unlikely that your BF will learn a thing. Stupidity/Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result. Your BF has done this same thing for his kid each school year up intil now and learned nothing about effective parenting or setting the exampole of self discipline and self accountabilty to his son. Why would he learn anything now just because the kid is Jr High instead of elementary school?
To continue with your sink or swim analogy .... sometimes with some children the only way to teach them to swim is to throw them in the deep end and keep telling to do what they have been shown and taught how to do.
I tried for years to teach my SS to swim. He would not swim for himself or for me. I was a WSI, a HS state swimming finalist and an NCAA swimmer and he would not do what I was trying to teach him to do. So .... one summer I pitched him in the deep end and went to the lounge chair to read. It did not work. He sank, and I had to dive in to drag him out. So ..... the next day I signed him up for swim lessons. The little shit swam like a fish the very first day of lessons. When I picked him up after his first lesson the little teenie bopper girl who was teaching him to swim told me when they started the lesson that my Skid told her "I know how to swim .... my dad taught me" and he took off swimming. :? Don't ask me why he would swim for her and not for me or himself.
We had a similar experience with teaching him to ride his bike. He would not ride his bike to save his life. He would spend each bike riding session with me looking back at me instead of looking where he was going. So I made him a deal .... "Look ahead and I will not let you go until you tell me to .... look back at me and I will let you go immediately". That did not work worth a crap. He looked at me, I let go, he crashed and we did it over and over again .... for months. I finally gave up. My dad decided that he would teach the kid how to ride his bike.... dad had the same results I did and gave up after several days of the kid not even trying.
So ....... one Sat I tossed the kid in my truck (the cab .... with a seat belt) and his bike in the back and I took him to the county park that was 5miles from our house. I took his bike to the top of a gentle grass covered hill, told him to point it down the hill and start riding. I also told him that I was going to walk the hike and bike trail around the lake (~3miles) and that if he was not riding his bike by the time I finished that he could push his bike home.
I took off around the lake and ...... 15mins later he blasted past me like Lance Armstrong. :?
Kids ... can't figure out how they work .... and you can't drown them in the toilet. }:)
As for homework ... my son (SS) had similar issues that he did not resolve until the last semester of his Sr. year of HS. At least he resolved them enough to graduate .. it remains to be seen if he has actually learned anything about the relationship between effort and results.. He was an honor student on his own efforts until he started middle school. Then he quit doing his work. So ... we made him show us his completed homework every evening after dinner which is exactly what we did each year prior to middle school.. We could look his assignments up on like so we always knew exactly what he had to do and when it was due. Eventually he asked to go to boarding school (military) because he wanted to be able to be successful in college. He was an honor student his first year, then went back to his usual lazy do nothing looser status. But, he did manage to graduate on time from HS.
Your BF needs to let his kid do his own work and bear the humiliation and ridicule of his classmates when he does not have it ready for class the day it is due. If the kid will not step up when his classmates start calling him a stupid, lazy looser then the only thing that might work is military school. It worked wonders for me and did help my son (SS) though he did not excel as much as I would have liked him to.
IMHO of course.
Best regards,
Best regards,
MY poor DH is the worst!! I
MY poor DH is the worst!! I love him dearly, but really. SD is horrible in math (I am, too! I hate hate hate math!), but she will literally make DH sit right next to her the whole time she does her math homework. If she pauses for just a moment, DH chimes in with the next step. She isn't required to think about it--try to figure it out for herself. We live in Texas and our kids are required to pass the TAKS test (different subjects each year). SD failed the TAKS Math last year, but since it wasn't one of the grade levels that the student needs to pass the Math portion, school didn't hold her back. However, this year, she has to take a remedial math class on top of the 8th grade math class to ready her for the Math TAKS this school year. The really sad thing? SD went to summer school this summer for the second time (first time was after 3rd grade). She failed two other classes (almost a third) that required her to either go to summer school or repeat the 7th grade.
Ask me if she received any discipline for failing those two classes? Or any other reporting period that she brought home an "F"? Nope...DH took responsibility for all her failing grades, too!!! I am wondering if he would go to summer school for her if it were allowed....
I think we have the same kid.
I think we have the same kid. Your son and mine (my SS) are those "Dorks" that do their work then don't turn it in.
The really sad part, we had the same conversations with his teachers that you had with your son's teachers. We would get report cards with a "D" on it. At the bottom of the report card it clearly stated that for any grade less than a "C" the parent should contact the school to set up a parent teacher conference.
So ..... we did what the report card told us to do and set up a conference.
Teachers:"Mr and Mrs (SpermDonor's Last Name)"
Rags: "Don't call us by that name. If you had done your homework and looked at our son's file you would have noted that his last name is different than ours"..
Teachers:"um, uh, Okay, um, well anyway, we (the teaching team) are wondering why you are here."
Mr & Mrs Rags: "You told us to set up a parent teacher conference".
Teachers: "No we did'nt, (Kid) is a good kid, he is very well behaved and does great in our classes".
Rags's" "So, "Ds" are acceptable grades to this teaching and at this school?"
Ts: "For some children they are."
R's: "His report card indicated for us to make a PTC for his "D" in english"
Ts: "You actually read that? You are the first parents we have ever had make a PTC because of D on a report card".
R's: "Well, what does our kid have a D."
T's: "Well, he does not turn his homework in and he reads novels in class."
R's: "We check every evening. He does his homework."
T's: "He does not hear us ask for the assignments because he is reading."
R's: "The next time he has a novel in class, have him go to the front of the class, tear up and throw away the book, then take his desk away and make him stand at the back of the classroom for the rest of the week"
T's: "We can't do that .... we don't want to destroy his love for reading"
At that point I just about puked on all of their shoes. The science teacher actually agreen with our recommendation that he have to destroy his book, throw it away, and stand up in class at the front for a week or two. The other teaching team members hammered him for agreeing with us.
When our son (my SS) pulled this crap..... again ...... at boarding school the first semester of his Sr year we made him call his biodad and explain why he was getting booted from school. His dad actually told him "What those schools make you kids do is not fair, they should just leave you alone and let you do what you want". The SpermIdiot had been up all night with the kid playing WOW on the computer every night and the kid could not stay awake to turn in his homework in class .... if he even did it.
Dipshit parents combined with teachers that come from the bottom 10% of college graduates (I recently saw that statistic on one of the cable news shows) and it is no wonder why these kids are destined to be entitlement breeders.
Hopefully yours and ours picked up enough from us that they will not resemble my above remark.
Best regards,
Maux, I am PM-ing you some
Maux,
I am PM-ing you some school information including a link to the Military School we sent our son (my SS) to. It is a top 20 boarding school and far, far less expensive than what you are quoting.
Hang in there.
Best regards,
If they can wake up for
If they can wake up for school...that's the first hurdle for DH. With no bed time, waking them up is brutal. I refuse & laugh at him. It will take 15 minutes per boy, then after a shower they GO BACK TO BED. And he must wake up them again. On top of it all DH will go out & warm (or cool depending on temp) car for 15 minutes and then sit out there beeping the horn for them. Repeat same next day. Anyhow, homework is only issue when they actual go to school LOL.