I am about to lose it....advice please
Well it has been along time since I posted. Our house is still a mess. The bm is now using my sd to bash me. For those of you that don't know I was accused of abuse to my ss(7) in August of last year, everything was found unsubstantiated and my ss no longer comes to our home, my wishes and srs's idea, that has made our home alot more liveable. now my sd(11) seems to be causing problems. she will come to our home and tell my bc what bm says about me. this stirs up my bc and makes me very upset, I feel that sd is old enough to know better and we have discussed this with all of the kids many times over the last 5 months. and sd still does it, my dh and I got into a big arguement this weekend and I told my sd she is to have no contact with my bc because all she is doing is causing problems. I told my dh that if sd does it again then he will be taking sd to bm's home and she will not come to our home, he will have to spend time with her just like with ss, and if he could not agree to that then I want a divorce. I try my hardest not to talk down about bm to sk's, no matter how crazy she is that is there mom. I have slipped 2 times this month, I am so frustrated. My bc and my dh have a pretty good relationship and he is closer to my bc than my sk's. I try to encourage his closeness with them, but honestly I am at the point I could care less if the sk's are there or not, our house is so chaotic and emotionally draining when they are there. Any advice ladies....sorry so long
You sound like you have had enough...
Does your DH see the craziness that is being caused? If you have already sat down with your hubby and tried to resolve things with no luck then maybe you do need to push harder and stand your ground.
It's definatly a situation that DH needs to see how his children are effecting the other children and distrupting the household.
Stand your ground. What your SD is doing and what your SS has done is un call for.
Yes in some ways, but he is
Yes in some ways, but he is mainly focused on loosing what little bit of a relationship he has with his children, which isn't much at all. I gave him a choice, either my sd keeps her mouth shut about what bm says or thinks to my bc or she lives with bm all of the time, and if he cannot agree to that then we will have to separate. He said that is a hard decision to make, and I told him I understood, but he had to choose either one and I gave him a little time. My dh and my bc have good relationships and we are more of a family when my sk's aren't there. It is so stressful and crazy when sk's are there, and dh acts totally different when sk's are at bm's, he acts more happy honestly.
"Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken. To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to respect this."
I was in the same situation
I was in the same situation in August as well. Our BM made a lot of allegations in a court document all but accusing both me and my DH of abuse. We noticed both the children were really stressed when they came over and it was like walking on eggshells every time they came over. The oldest made every exuse not to come and when he did didn't even talk. So we made the same decision. The kids no longer come over here and stay overnight. Best decision we ever made. I think the kids are happier because they don't have to get grilled every time they come home. I also think it is what the BM deserves. They do their best to turn the kids against their dad.. well it worked so here you go.. Kids 100% of the time with no break. In our case I think it feeds her pity party. Don't feel bad about your decision you are doing this for your family.. You have to or else you won't have a family left. Nobody should have to live with allegations of abuse. It is one of the hardest thing you have to live with.
same thing happened to me
BM filed a court document for motion to modify and accused me of abuse and DH of letting it happen. shortly after, she also accused my SS15 (to another BM) of abusing SD too. all thsi was not enough to make my DH back away....he tried to give up custody and the judge said no and now we are still dealing w this. im so worried Bm is gonna start her crap again and who knows what we'll have to deal w and go thru, but all DH says is next time hes done and he wont put us thru anymore. how does he not understand that he may not have a choice and just her being around is putting us at risk??
im sorry u have to deal w this--i know how hard it is. SME...if ur DH made the decision once, hopefully he will do the same now.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I totally agree, my ss does
I totally agree, my ss does not come to our home, and my 2 other sk's say when he comes back, for me and my dh him coming back is not an option, my dh finally got it into his head that ss didn't want to be at our home and would do anything to make that happen, my dh sees him and then takes him back. On my mil's wishes we all went to my dh grandmother's two weeks ago for her birhtday. I was really unsure about it, but going it showed me that my ss is self centered and has not changed his way of acting in 5 months, so I know that we made the right decision. As for my oldest sd, if she commuicates to my bc what the bm said then she will not be allow to come back to our home, she will have the same visitation as ss does. I know bm has alot to do with this, but I cannot allow my sd to cause the stress in our home, every time she comes. I think bm would think she won if she has the kids all of the time, but honestly it would make our home life much better. bm thinks she is queen that does nothing wrong, she is such a control freak, and my dh lets her do it. So if she wants her cake then let her eat it all!!!!!
At times I feel like I am driving my sk's away from dh, but they choose their actions as well, and their actions do not go unnoticed.
"Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken. To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to respect this."