Well being sad is perfectly normal, and it will pass.

How lucky you are, only 2 1/2 years of your life wasted. Some here have wasted 20 and over and it is still not resolved. For some it may be an uneasy truce with sd out of the picture, but we wait to see if it will start all over again if sd chooses to paint herself back in. Has daddy really learned or will he try once again to have sd in his life and us singing and dancing to her song of hate. Do you want to hang in for 20 more yeas with a man who can't even be stuffed going to therapy to at least try before ending the relationship. Do you want a life of uneasy truce. For those of us who stay, SDs are always lurking somewhere.

SD, the mini wife. She may be gloating now, feeling very smug and pleased to see the back of you. She like you may believe she has won.

What is her prize. A daddy who is so selfish that he does not care about her enough to help her grow into a happy, emotionally healthy, independent young woman. A woman who will one day form a relationship with an equally emotionally stable young man and live happily ever after. Instead her daddy will emotionally cripple her, he will make her the centre of his world, make sure she doesn't know how to blow her own nose, so she will forever need her daddy. That makes him feel great. That makes him feel like a man. It's no good for her, but her prize is a dad who doesn't care about that. He only cares about himself. Her relationships will also be doomed to failure, she will learn this from her daddy. Some win. No, she hasn't won, in fact she has lost more than she will ever realise. The real winner here is you. You get freedom, peace and happiness. She gets angry, resentful, bitter daddy.

He hasn't chosen her over you. He's chosen himself over both of you.

I am so sorry for your sadness. It will pass. But I am proud and pleased that somehow you found the inner strength to start rebuilding a better life for yourself and your family. Well done.

As I'm sure you know. All of us on this site are here for you and praying for nothing but the best for you.

Well, I'd love to think that your over it today, and the world is a bigger, brighter, happier place for you. But, that's not how it works, you I'm sure are still hurting in your heart, even though your head tells you you have done the right thing. Hopefully your head and heart will be in the same place soon. Till then, I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the very best for a speedy recovery from your heartache. you have shown tremendous courage.

Sweetie, I left my SO just over five months ago. I'm not going to lie. It hurts like effing hell. Focus on your anger, but when it fades, and you are left missing him, come back here. People are comforting here. Sometimes when I miss cuddling him or his sweetness or sex or laughing together over our favorite TV shows, the only thing I can do is come here and read posts to either distract myself or try to remind myself that I didn't want to be around his kid anymore and that meant we had to be over. Sometimes it helps. Hang in there. I'm trying to get through the pain day by day. If you need to talk to anyone, feel free to message me.

The other thing to remember when the temptation to call, text, email or go back is: in doing any of these things the message you are giving him is, it wasn't that bad. You think you were in the wrong. How he treats his daughter is fine by you. A message none of us would ever want to sent, it is self destructive. It YOU make the moves to go back, it will be far worse than it ever was before.

Oncechoosetosmile, yes I know your SO is physically in the home, and he still has a place in your heart. Your head, well it knows the truth of the situation, as does your gut. It is much harder for you to grieve and begin to move forward in your current situation. But having made the decision the same applies, if you tell him you've changed your mind, and I'm sure he's dragging his heels in the hope you will, then you are also telling him you accept what has happened, and are happy for more of the same, Still, I think you're smart enough to know that

Once you chose to smile, it seems you are making that choice again. Well done to you.

And once you go back, they have less and less respect for you. Think they treated you like dogshit then? Well boy oh boy, once you go back they have you in their "clutches" and will REALLY treat you like CRAP sometimes even leading to physical violence. I thought my "SO" was the nicest man in the world; someone to restore my faith in men. NOT!!! He actually is now WORSE than my two ex husbands combined and to the 1,000th power!!

Once...you are emotionally healthy and you should pat yourself on the back for getting out early rather than later. I agree with all of the posts here. It is gonna hurt like hell my darling but time does pass and it does get better. I have been through more breakups in my life than I care to think about. My current situation is a bit precarious. I may find myself in your shoes down the line. Once a partner has lost respect for you, there is nothing more to the relationship. If you did go back I agree that it would be likely that you would be disrespected even more AND the SD will step up her game to cause problems. Gloating SD? Who in the hell cares about her anyway. Your problem was with this man, not the little girl anyway. I agree that this little girl is going to have some big psychological problems ahead. Your man is a piece of work too. I don't know how old you are but consider yourself lucky to be able to close this door and move on to happiness. Each relationship teaches us something. Maybe this one taught you to value YOU over a man who says he loves you but puts you a certain 3rd in your own home. Personally I wouldn't consider being with someone who had young children if I had to do it over again. It just adds another level of complexity and to a certain extent there is always a subtle competition between Step mom and step kids for Daddy's affections/loyalty. Nope I wouldn't do it again. However, I have also been in relationships with childless partners who have proven to be disrespectful. Sometimes I feel that the more we give, the more they take advantage. Bad attitude to have maybe but at least it puts me on notice that there are those out there that are TAKERS. I am a giver, so yeah, I have gotten burned in the past. Thought my new marriage would be different. We have hit some significant bumps. Not sure what will happen. See my other posts and you will know my story. Stay strong my friend. You are worthy of a man who adores you and puts you first. Never ever sell yourself short.

Surfchica, if you took a poll. I'd be willing to bet those of us who ended up as the cook, cleaner and bed mate, while the daughter was elevated to number one in daddy's heart and mind were all givers. The takers, well they were never looking for a wife, their daughters had all their love, and that's all they needed in the love department. They were looking for a mother substitute, a carer, someone to look after him and serve and afore his daughter as she had become accustomed to being served and adored. They sought out women who were givers, who put others before themselves, women who were patient, understanding, empathetic, compassionate and selfless. They could smell that in us, and we were chosen as their next carer, or perhaps I should say victim. Until we learn we are valuable too, that we matter and that we need to take care of ourselves and our needs, we will continue to be sought out by narcissists and abused. We have the power within ourselves to change it, we are in fact, the only ones who can change it. Good luck with your situation.

It's fine to care and to look after others, as long as you make sure you take care of you too

I agree, the ex is a victim, the kids are victims the new wife is a bitch, and deserves what she gets. The man. Nothing. He was not a bad husband or a bad father, he is just another victim of the new wife I guess. Same with affairs though isn't it. It's ALWAYS the woman's fault. The girl could be 16 and immature and the guy in his forties or fifties, she single, free as a bird, no commitment to another man, he married with kids. Is it his fault for taking advantage of her, for breaking his vows to his wife, for betraying his wife and family. No way, it's always the woman's fault, The home wrecker is never the cheating husband. It's always the woman he cheats with. Very odd.