I HATE BM...... will the games EVER stop??
So yesterday I happened to be home from work early. DH and I were chatting and his phone rings, and it's BM (oh joy) so he answers and says "What's up?" I can hear so say, "I just called to say hi" and then something else and then DH told her he wanted to talk to her anyway about SS and why he has almost 2000 minutes on his cell phone this month and 5500 text messages. They chat about this for a minute then she asks DH if SS is coming to our place this weekend. DH says he has no idea that SS hasn't said anything to him about it but that of course he is welcome whenever (no set visitation here... oh joy again)
So after DH hangs up, I am PISSED! WTF is she calling you for to "say hi"??? He says no, she was calling to see if SS was coming over.. I said no THAT was the END of the conversation and wasn't she on her way to pick SS up from school???? Why the fuck couldn't she just ask SS what his plans were??? DH swears that BM has gotten much better about not calling so much because he told her to knock it off, that he only needs to speak to her concerning SS, that he doesn't want to hear about her and her BF getting into a fight, or that she doesn't know how to fill out a job application (yes.. 36 years old and she called DH for this shit)
It is not a trust thing here, I trust my DH, I KNOW that he would NEVER go back to the snaggleskank bitch from hell. It just drives me insane that because they have a child together, she thinks that she has the RIGHT to call MY DH whenever she feels like it. He tolerates her because she is such a fucking bitch that if he doesn't, then she plays games with SS, it turns into an all out battle and DH just doesn't want to deal with it. I wish she would die.
good idea in theory Blender,
good idea in theory Blender, expect that this psycho is one who won't leave a message, instead she'll just keep calling over and over and over until DH flips out and finally answers and on the rare occasion that she does leave a voicemail, it will be a cryptic one like "hey give me a call"
Exactly no mess=not
Exactly no mess=not important. End of story. My dh started doing this and it stopped her calling for the most part unless it is about the kids. She at first tried to blame it on me saying that I erased his mess. til dh told her he just didn't want to talk to her unless it was about the kids.
Yep our bm would call about her love life :sick:
Dh at first would listen to her b/c he thought they had to be friends. I set him straight rely fast.
As with the others, I agree
As with the others, I agree that your DH needs to set some rules with BM, which sounds like a easy thing to do, but keep in mind it may be harder for your DH to do than you think. No matter what the specifics are of your DH & BM's break-up, there are most likey lingering feeling of guilt on your DH's part, and he may feel as if he HAS to take BM's calls, no matter what.
I have been a SM for 17 years and have delt with this for ALL of them. So to answer your question of the games will ever stop - no, they won't. MY DH still feels obligated to take BM's calls in case there's some sort of emergency with my SS. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with her constant intrutions into our life, but I've come to realize that no matter what, she is the boys's BM and my DH is their BD, and they will always have to communticate and have some sort of relationship. BTW-even with my SS 21 & 20 and in college, the BM is STILL playing games. Unfortunately it's just is what it is.
Having said that, I still believe that your DH needs to set some rules with BM, and the only way he's going to do that is if you talk to him honestly, not hostile or angry, and tell him how you feel and how you believe things should be.
thanks Veronica- I agree that
thanks Veronica- I agree that alot of it is guilt with him... their relationship was volitile even before SS so they only lasted about 6 months or so after SS was born before DH left because he couldn't deal with her constant crap. Sidenote here- my DH never had a dad, his dad left MIL when DH was about 2 and they never heard from him again, so DH is often overly sensitive to making sure that he is available, present and sometimes goes overboard for skids I think to compensate for what his lack of a father growing up.
With that said, DH has "put his foot down" so to speak, numerous times with BM, but she is too ignorant to get it. She still finds a way to have something to call about and DH truly gets tired of fighting with her so he just placates her to keep the peace. Of course his placating her, ticks me off in the process so the poor guy can't ever win.
I can understand parents
I can understand parents communicating about their children when the children are young. however, I cannot understand this, unless there is an emergency of course, for a teen or an adult child. My girls are grown and out of the house. I DO NOT communicate with their father at ALL. We don't even know HOW to contact each other. My girls can keep him up on their lives and any upcoming events in their lives if they wish. I think my job is over as far as that is concerned.
My husband usually gets information about his children from his children and in the rare event that a schedule change needs to be discussed, he and his x communicate via e-mail.
I don't see anything wrong with parents discussing their children. The only thing I find wrong about this situation is clearly it upsets the OP. In this instance her husband should be more concerned with her feelings about the contact than he is about his x.
I think the best thing is for
I think the best thing is for your dh to let ALL bm's calls go to vm and she can leave a mess and IF it is something he NEEDS to talk to her about he can text her. If she doesn't leave a mess then he doesn't text back.
In our case if there is an emergency she will hang up and call right back then dh will answer but she has only done that a few times. The few times that she called like that with it not being an emergency he told her not to call 2x in a row and if she really needs to talk to him that she NEEDS to state why in vm. This has worked very well for us.