If DH doesnt care, I sure as h&ll dont give a crap
My sd8.5 is a disgusting person as far as personal hygene. I have done my best since she came to live with us at 4.5. She will let snot run down her face if you done force her to blow her nose. She is constantly "forgetting" to wipe herself and flush the toilet. She will pull dirty clothes out of the dirty basket, rather than get clean ones out of her drawer. Comes home from school looking like a homeless person her clothes are so dirty, hair an absolute mess, and atlesst once a week her pants will be torn.
I am in a no win situation. If I keep on her about it, Dh accusers me of picking on her, nagging her ect ect. But if I let it go,its my fault she looks like that cause I'm being lazy or I don't care about her.
So I started just bringing it to Dh attention, and then he can deal with it. I mention on Friday that I just found unflushed poop in the toilet, with no toilet paper.....ie deal with SD. He just goes, "thats interesting", and went about his morning. Her new move this weekend has been "forgetting" to zip up and button her pants after using the bathroom. So about 5 time yesterday I catch her walking around with the pants wide open, panties hanging out. DH calls at 1pm on his lunch break to see how things are going (he works weekends, so I am on my own sat and sun with SD and SS, and bio son.) I tell him about the pants issue (very casually and matter of factly), and his response is... Well that doesn't sound like anything to be getting upset over. If that's you biggest complaint, sounds like you are having a really good day."
So now I'm done. She can be as nasty as she wants. I'm not concerning myself with it anymore. If her own father doesn't care, then why should I.
I am not far from just being done with her entirely. DH treats her like a princess and undermines me constantly, so she doesn't respect anything I say or do.
Last weekend I planned a picnic at the park for the kids (we live in TO, so it was warm still) We are out at the car and I am loading the bikes in my car, and I see that she is once again wearing a disgustingly dirty goodies that I've asked her atleast three times to put in the wash. So I send her back in the house to change jackets. SS mentios that he left the back door unlocked, so rather than me unlock the front door, I send her in the back door, and tell her to make sure she locks it. She come back out the front door a few min later, I ask her if she locked both doors, and I could tell by the way she said yes that she was either lying, or couldn't remember. So I go back inside to find the backdoor WIDE OPEN. She didn't even shut it, let alone lock it. I had to catch one of the cats (indoor only) who had gone out already, and just barely stopped the other. So now I have no desire to reward her with a trip to the park, but I am not going to punish bio son or ss, as everyone is already in the car. When we get home, Dh had left work early and was home..... I tell him what happened and he just shrugged, well, she didn't want to get in trouble so she lied.
A few months ago SD went to Dh and accused me of taking her mp3 player and never giving it back. He comes to me all Liszt and asks for it back. I tell him I have no idea where her mp3 player is that I didn't take it. Me and Dh go back and forth for a while with him on her side. Basically accusing me of lying, it turned into a big fight for us. Well, guess what.... She was cleaning her room this morning and found it under her dresser. And she refuses to appologize for accusing me of taking it, just shrugged her shoulder and said well, I thought you took it. I texted Dh at work letting him know it was found in her room. He calls back on his break a few minutes ago, mad at me for being petty, that I should just be happy its found. And flat out denied that he ever accused me of taking it, and that all he did was ask me once if I had it. He Hung up on me in a huff.
I am so sick of being put on the same level as a friggin lying 8 yr old in my husbands eyes.
Oooooh yes its time for you
Oooooh yes its time for you to let them both alone. Stop reporting anything to DH. Just let her do whatever she wants. He doesn't care.
Eventually, HE will have to take her to the doctor for that butt infection. Kids at school will make fun of her for being the gross kid.
Thats minging. Like
Thats minging. Like alwaysanxious said dont report it. And yes she will get picked on for being the dirty kid. You dont have to be responsible for her, its your dh's job. Maybe your dh could do with a lesson in the art of hygiene. No offence I bet his own hygeine isnt all that if he lets his kid walking round like a minger.
Lol, no she doesn't get her
Lol, no she doesn't get her grossness from my Dh. He used to be on board with keeping on her about it, but he just give up. Doesnt like disiplining the little princess for some reason, but he has no problem with disiplining ss. He doesn't want to be the bad guy, so he will give up. And then some time down the road it will hit him again how disgusting she is and he will flip on her, and then he will come flip in me for letting her be that way.
I think she developed this habit from her first 4 year with her grandmother. She babied her to he max, so she had no responsibilty for even her own hygene. At 4.5 when we got her, her grandmother still wiped her butt with baby wipes, dressed her, held the tissue and told her when to blow, she had a baby bottle of warm milk with baby cereal mixed in twice a day..... It was rediculous. She just refuses to accept that it is her responsibility to handle these thing for herself.
I'm just tired of dealing with it on my own. Esp when, when he is finally forced to deal with her, I always get yelled at as well. Pretty sure that's where a lot of my animosity for this kid came from.
"he will come flip in me for
"he will come flip in me for letting her be that way."
and right there is when I'd tell him that HE is the one that let it go and anything you said he dismissed. I'd flat out tell him that you are not going to be to blame because he didn't parent.
Yep well id be reading him
Yep well id be reading him the riot act if he blames you for her getting that way. the problem is these daddies arent acting like parents, they act like friends and wont say anything to them. All your left with is a stinky kid hos probably gonna be very miserable because she's getting teased for stinking away.
That's def the point we are
That's def the point we are at, where I am going to flip my shit the next time he comes at me like that. He takes advantage of the fact that I don't like arguing and conflict. I'm the one always trying to compromise and bend to make things work. Hence how I've become 95% responsible for two kids who aren't mine while their father gets to pick and choose when he wants to deal with how kids.
I let it slip a few weeks ago that they "arent my kids" and I haven't heard the end of it still.
I've been guilty of this too.
I've been guilty of this too. I just remove myself from conflict instead of engaging in it. I will tell you though sometimes when you yell back, they don't know how to handle it.
When he tells you that you
When he tells you that you are awful for not caring about his kids - just smile and agree with him. It will drive him crazy.
My ex used to do something awful (cheat) and then turn it all back on me when I exploded in rage. I was horrible for my temper.
Finally when he told me how bad I was I'd just say "You are right - why do you want to be with someone like me?" Man did he clean up his act. We had a few good years where he could not do enough for me until I finally decided that I just didn't love him.
OOOH I have so done this! Its
OOOH I have so done this! Its funny because they don't know how to respond.
When SO would say "You just don't like my daughter" I would say "You are right. Why in the world would you date someone who doesn't like your children? You shouldn't be with me." He changed his tune REAL QUICK. He mellowed out during that little argument then started saying that its time for his life and his kids shouldn't dictate who he dates. It was the weirdest turn of events ever in one of our arguments.
As I suspected, once I
As I suspected, once I stopped being on her, Dh hasn't stepped up at all. It's been a week since my first post, and I've come across unflushed poop with no toilet paper 4 times. She just loops and walks away. Doesn't care at all that she's walking around all day covered in shit and piss. And I would assume all the days I didn't find it at home, that she did the same at school. How nasty can you be ?!? Even my 2 year old knows he needs to wipe!