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If I loath SD, how could I ever have a kid of my own???

Executivestepmother's picture

Submitted by Executivestepmother on Sat, 04/20/2013 - 8:58am

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So I have never really been very interested in children in general. I don't like other people's kids, SD or in general children in public places where they shouldn't be. I have a super annoying life every other weekend with a 6 year old SD, but the rest of my life is fantastic. Great husband, great home, great job, pets, everything is good. Here is the question... I'm 30 now, and as I get older I am more drawn to the idea of having my own kid. I like my friend's baby, volunteer to watch my friend's kids, because I like having them around, it's strange, because that is SO not me! So I have been considering the possibility of having my own kid... it seems like I would be good at this parenting thing, I could afford it, I can figure out how to have more time to spend with "my kid," and I think it might be a good thing to do. So every time I think I'm ready SD comes over and I worry that maybe I wouldn't be good at this!

She wakes up and I hide. She's all up in my business and I want to put her in a cage. She annoys me and I just can't stand it. She cries and I want to lave my house and go to the office. Normal step-parent stuff, but would I be this way with a kid of my own? Is it a total lie I tell myself when I say, my kid wouldn't be like this? I think all kids are annoying at times, but would I loath my kid the way I loath SD at times?

My husband says it would be totally different and he can't really explain why. He wants to have a kid with me if I am ready and I have asked questions about the, "What if's," and I really like his answers. I feel like we would be a good "parenting team," but is it really different when it's yours???

Because I don't WANT my step-kid around would I not want my kid around? Would I regret it? I mean I have a very full life... on the other hand if people felt the way I feel about the step-kid there would be no children in the world!!

Thoughts?

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Sat, 04/20/2013 - 9:09am

No of course you would not feel that way about your own child.

I don't like getting up close and personal with most dogs. But I adore MY dog. He'd still be sleeping in my bed if DH hadn't banished him.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 04/20/2013 - 9:40am

I don't think it means you can't or shouldn't have your own child.

I think it means you need to figure out why you're so annoyed by sd. What are her annoying behaviors? What is her bm like? Often, how we feel about bm impacts how we feel about the kids. It's not right, but it happens. This is something to think about. If her bm is a b*+ch who is rude, controlling, and/or just sits on her bum and collects cs, that will impact how you feel about sd. I know because its happened to me. Bm is probably a very different person than you and makes choices and does things you wouldn't make and do. That will impact your feelings towards sd. Again, it's not right, but once you realize that how you feel about bm impacts how you feel about sd, it's a lot easier to change that. Ask any fellow stepmom here. It happens all the time.

Next, look at parenting websites to try to find out what behaviors are normal for kids her age and consequences for when she misbehaves and show them to dh and discuss them with him.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Sat, 04/20/2013 - 10:12am

Believe me, you would NEVER feel this way about your own child. I too am not a "kiddy" person, but I absolutely adored my own daughters, one of whom is now married with a child and about to have another.

I still don't like kids in general, except my own, or my grandson, but please don't deprive yourself of a wonderful experience because you hate the SKIDs.

Jellybeam's picture

Submitted by Jellybeam on Sat, 04/20/2013 - 10:24pm

NO, you will love your own child. You know how you can't stand the sight of SD and the sound of her voice makes you want to slit your wrist? Totally different with your own kid. Don't worry-other people's kids really ARE annoying to otherwise nice people. It's not just you.

krazykaty's picture

Submitted by krazykaty on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 1:11pm

Anon2009 does a great job of explaining it!

I love kids. I became a teacher so I could help guide young minds...blah, blah, blah! That's how much I love kids! However, also realize that kids go through annoying phases at times. There have been stages when DS annoyed the crap out of me! A bottle of wine was needed to recover some nights. That never impacted my love for him. Having a strong parenting team is what will get you through it. DH a morning person. I'm a night owl. With DD, I take the feedings between 11pm-4am and he does 5am-daycare during the week and 10am on weekends. When the boys want to watch nonstop sports, DH hangs with them. When SD wants to have a Disney marathon, I get drafted (I admit, I adore them!!). If you and your DH can be a strong team - and it sounds like you can! - then parenting is a lot easier!