not normal unless you're with the wrong person

No, it's not normal.  But it seems completely consistent with other aspects of your relationship with this man.

My DH spends time with his kids/skids at family functions, but he is also considerate of me.

Why are you with this man??

I will repeat my response to your previous post:

He sounds selfish and this relationship seems one sided.

You obviously are not happy in this relationship. Perhaps it's time to move on.

I don't expect my DH to be with me the entire time we're at one of his functions. But he does check back in with me periodically. DH gets pretty caught up in the moment, and he didn't always remember to check in with me now and then. When I told him how left out I often felt when the whole evening was forced small talk with strangers (to me) and him off having fun, he got his act together and now we both make an effort to check in. His family or mine. My DH is super good at listening to what I need. Used to be he wasn't, and I wasn't good at telling him either. We really do try to sort it out before either of us gets our feelings hurt.

Going to family events.  If I was treated that way.  Why was BM at him family event.  She is not family anymore 

I went to my boyfriend's cousins wedding and I only knew 3 people. He got there an hour earlier because I had work and he was already kind of drunk when I got there. He didnt introduce me to anybody and he was hanging out with his family so I was kind of standing there not knowing what to do. I got so overwhelmed I started crying outside. He followed me and I explained how left out I felt and ignored. He saw I was seriously hurt and never did that again. Not saying crying is your answer...but they need to know how terrible it feels. I also told him how left out I feltalready because him and his daughter are a team and im the newcomer. He quickly stopped doing that and makes sure I am included in everything.

This so hits home for me. My boyfriend for well over a year invited me to his cousins wedding reception. It was him, his daughter 6 at the time, and myself, and i knew absolutely nobody. Before we even got out of the car his daughter had a meltdown cuz she couldn't bring her toys inside. Once we got inside, her reaction to not getting her toys was crying and wanting her dad to carry her. He told her no, so she stood by me constantly kicking me, i told her to knock it off. Then she stood in front of her dad with her arms up, crying and wanted him to carry her. He did! He held her and the whole time she gave me this evil look and continued to kick my, you know secretly swinging her foot just enough to reach me. He said not one word to me, but focused on pleasing her rude behavior. When it was time to eat, he sat in between us with not one look at me, not one word, like i wasn't even there. All he focused on was pleasing her. I finished my meal and left the table alone. Once he realized I had left and found me outside, I insisted on leaving because I was not putting up with that disrespect from either of them. Who was he mad at? Who was to blame? Me, he took it all out on me and made it my fault. Not the shitty treatment I received, or acting like i wasn't even there! No consequences for the dramatic daughter and her behavior that set the whole night to be about her. This was just the beginning! Get out now for your own benefit and sanity. Believe me!

I have struggled with this, and even to this day with SD's grown up and families of their own, it sometimes still happens

The worst was at my late FIL's birthday 80th birthday party, which my conniving SIL invited BM too, and Dh was so wrapped up in trying to please SD's and prove who know's what to everyone and just get along as some sort of happy family that basically he, SD's, BM and SIL were all happily gathered around having a nice time and I was completely ignored and forgotten as if I wasn't even known to him let alone his wife! 

Like you I spent time chatting with strangers and friend's of his family, but I was seething

Eventually DH made his way to me and quite honestly when he got up to speak in honour of FIL DH did mention me, invite me up to join him, and made it clear how much he cared. But until that point in the evening I was about ready to leave

What I realized then was that it wasn't that I wasn't important to DH, or even that SD's or SIL or BM came before me, it was just that DH was trying to tip toe around all the jealous competitive ones who always have an axe to grind, where I was just there to be supportive and loving (sono need to work to please me in the same way as them)

I also used to often feel left out, neglected and like a third wheel when DH's daughters most especially YSD were visiting, but again I think it was always this need for DH to please those he cared about by somehow proving to them that he loved them a whole lot and really, I didn't come before them

It's hurtful to be on this end of it, I think once my DH realized I wasn't going to be taken advantage of and walked all over and expected a level of respect as well, or it wouldn't be his family who left, he smartened up and learned to show some consideration for my feelings as well

I get what you’re going through.

One time I stupidly went on a fancy trip with him and his daughters. They were having drama and I remember one dinner in particular where he and I were sitting next to each other, but he was talking to one of his daughters the whole dinner and he literally had his back turned to me the entire time. 

There have been many other instances like that over the years .

I am ignored because he is so focused on his daughters. I am sorry for what you are going through. It sounds as if there’s a loyalty issue or maybe he feels like king of the world because he gets to have everyone he wants or guilt that he’s trying to make up for for not being there for his kid(s) because of his divorce.  I can’t explain, but I know it feels bad and I feel for you. 

Seamus853, you make an excellent point. Guilt driven/focused behaviors can wreck a marriage. My DH had to work out of town for a number of years, giving SK's stability, a beautiful new home, cars and lived in a garage apartement for years, so his family could have all these wonderful things. He commuted home on the week-ends, only to find nobody there, dirty dishes piled up in the sink, dirty clothes all over the place, and the house in a wreck. He would start cleaning everything then put something on the pit for himself. He did this for over a decade, and finally got a divorce, SK's have burned it into his brain that he was "never there" for their extracurricular events. Never once has he heard them say they appreciate all he has done for them (paying for college, leaving a nice inheritance and far more than I can include here).

Regarding feeling left out or alone when SK's come around, YES I do. It's as if the world stops turning and the red carpet is rolled out. Things DH and I normally do as part of our routine are disrupted and non-existent. Keep in mind these kids only live a short distance away, they are not visiting from abroad or something, which some of this MAY be understandable if they were. He will bend over backwards to make sure their every whim is accommodated. Recently at a gathering, we walked in together and he went straight to his adult SKs and sat with them the entire 4  hours without talking to me. Even when one of our friends who I was sitting with called DH by name and yelled, "Hey, don't you want to sit down with your wife and eat dinner? We have a seat we just pulled up for you." When I asked DH about it, he claimed not to hear that, and said he didn't realize he was with his kids the entire evening. Really? What planet did you just drop in from for a visit? He did seem remorseful when I told him it hurt my feelings and felt really odd that all other couples at least sat together to eat dinner, THEN got up and mingled with others.

No it isnt normal and I for one do not tolerate it.  Own the room. It works.  Before any DH clan event go to the salon, do a makeover, rock a hot appropriate outfit for the occassion, be radiant and beem your happiness.   Do not tolerate DH ignoringn you or being ghosted by him or anyone else during any event.  Walk up to him, take his arm and if the Skids are swarming to him take your position as his arm.  He can put them down, shift them to his other arm or tell them to calm down and go play.  If he won't... you tell them.

Aside from the salon and hot outfit elements, I have always used this philosophy with my IL clan.  I do not sit in a corner and blend.  I engage.  It has worked well for me.

DW was a bit of a wallflower during the first years of your marriage but has blossomed incredibly over the years.  She takes over a room when she walks in. We did her 20th renunion 5yrs ago and that was epic.  For her 10th she was all worried that everyone would remember only that she had SS at 16 and her family were poor farmers. She walked in and radiated but was hesitant and a bit subdued.  Only the disappointing in adulthood former hot chicks/cheerleaders apparently remembered of said a word about her being a teen mom. They were shocked that she had only one child and figured that she would have 5 or 6.

By her 20th... she owned the reunion.  I had several of her male classmates approach me and recount how they had a crush on her in HS but would not approach her.  Not one of them ever asked her out.  For some reason she was unapproachable either due to her families poverty or just how beautiful she is/was.  Several of her female classmates congregated with me and told stories about my bride as a child and HS student (most of them went to the small town schools together from K-12) and wanted me to tell more about the things that my bride had shared in her room circuit discussions about her, our son, our living and working internationally, etc.....

My point is this. If you don't want to be marginalized... then don't allow it to happen. 

Radiant people do two things. They draw the positive people to them and they cause the roaches to scurry to a dark corner.

Both are good things.