We don't want to get rid of them - we just want them to be respectful - they don't even have to like us. We want the parents to parent them so they become productive members of society who are well-functioning.

Just act like well-behaved children is all most of us ask. I think everyone can agree on this - if we wanted to get rid of the Skids, we wouldn't have gotten married in the first place because we knew they were there already.

Maybe your brother should look at this site to see from others perspectives what we go through as step parents. Maybe it will help him put himself in SIL's shoes. Someone the other day posted A.C.C.E.P.T. - try to find it and print it off for him.

Found the post:

Found this article on www.stepmommag.com, this is only a part of the article but I thought most on hear would enjoy it.

In my experience as a remarried father, I've identified six things dads with children need to realize they owe the new loves in their lives. I'm recommending them directly to dads in the hope that it will help them A.C.C.E.P.T their partner's needs alongside their own.

Appreciation
As a remarried dad, you may feel you’re the one being pulled, stretched, and needed -- and you undoubtedly are. But consider the stepmother: Her life has been invaded by forces she agreed to but never signed up for. Like you, she is physically anchored to your children. Being with you means she cannot pick up her life and move somewhere else. Being with you means sharing an income with your last partner. Being with you means relinquishing more privacy than she ever thought she’d have to give up.

Commitment
That ring on your finger says nothing about children, but too many couples let parenthood absorb and flatten their marriages, wounding and sometimes killing it. Regardless of the status of your dadhood, your wife deserves a full-time partner who is unequivocally committed to the one-on-one relationship. For that matter, so do you. Being committed means doing everything you can to protect and preserve your marriage.

Compassion
Compassion means knowing your children bring their joyous, funny, wonderfully curious life-force to your wife’s world… but also their germs, dirty dishes, sleeplessness, and incessant noise. They leave raisins and Apple Jacks in between couch cushions, toilet seats up, and toothpaste on the sink. Your wife’s formerly pristine car is now a repository for used tissues, melted lip balms, sippy cups, library books, random toys, and bulky car seats. Compassion means knowing your wife pays a price for devoting herself to you, and making sure she gets a return on that investment.

Empathy
You may know what to say about your ex in front of your new wife (hint: NOTHING), but your children don’t see those boundaries. They will constantly compare your wife to their mother – hairstyle to hairstyle, cupcakes to her cupcakes, jokes to jokes -- a constant reminder that while your wife may love your children, she will never in fact be their mother. A spontaneous gift now and then will show you’re paying attention. But listening, understanding, and not defending yourself when she expresses frustration is infinitely more valuable.

Patience
Your wife will have moments of understanding and willing sacrifice, and other moments of impatience and deep frustration. Be patient and have faith that any love you offer her, especially when she’s down, will be returned to you in time. In a solid relationship, love is a default state.

Time
Children gobble up time like they do M&Ms. But make sure their appetite doesn’t consume too much one-on-one time with your partner. Whether you book it in advance or create it spontaneously, your time is the best thing you can give your wife, especially when you have children in the house otherwise demanding it.