just an excuse or a pretty legit reason to cancel?
First off, this question is for a friend. I am NOT dating men with kids anymore, but I do enjoy this site a lot and will never leave!!
Anyway, friend IS in a new relationship with a man who has a 4 yo son. Her bf was supposed to go with her to her fathers 60th bday bash. The bash was huge and very casual, and it would have been the 1st time he met her family. Anyway, at the very last minute, he said he would be late getting there. That the BM wants him to keep their son a little longer. She said he jumps at any opportunity to keep him, and he usually has him 4 days/week. I think this is red flag number 1.
And then, she called him after a couple hours to see about what time he would arrive. He cancelled on her completely. he was going to keep the boy another night. She said the boy is welcomed to attend the party, that there are lots of kids there. He said that his son was eating a piece of chocolate about an hour ago and choked on it. Heimleich manneuver was NOT needed, but it scared her bf. It scared him so much that he just wanted to stay home all evening and cuddle with the boy. He also said he talked to the BM about it and she freaked out.
She is very understanding of the situation. Ohhh, he choked. I am willing to bet it was just a few coughs, but who knows. But all this cancelling is BullShit IMO. And the fact that he just had to call BM to inform her of something rather insignificant. Uggh. And she kept calling him afterwards to check up on the kid. But I am not a BM and don't have the same instincts as parents do. would u cancel on someone if your 4 yo had a minor "choking" episode?
Oh nooo, definitely a red
Oh nooo, definitely a red flag. Not a legitimate excuse, if he really wanted to be there, and he knew the boy was welcomed there, he would have went. End of story. My kid choked on cake but he's okay now, but I can't go to your party all night? Seriously? I wan't to laugh at how bad that excuse is lmao!
I don't know, maybe he's not ready to meet her fam yet. But as I was reading this I got suspicious, is he really "over" the BM? Dont' want to accuse or point fingers or worry your friend, but I would keep an eye on the relationship he has with BM. Sounds like he sees your friend as a side thing to me.
Well, I've never had a bio
Well, I've never had a bio kid choke on me, so I am only guessing at how I would feel. But unless it was a serious choking episode, I probably wouldn't change my plans for the rest of the day. The closest I've come to a choking experiance is ss at around age 6 quasi-choked on a hard candy and had to cough a few times to dislodge it. It was a tense few minutes, but our day continued as usual after that.
He was probably hesitant about going and meeting the family and this was a reason to get out of it. If it was a serious enough episode that he needed to stay with the boy, I doubt biomom would have just let him keep the boy when it ss her time, shed have wanted him back to be with her.
^^^this I bet he was
^^^this
I bet he was uncomfortable and wanted an excuse to get out of it.
Yeah...red flags going off everywhere.
BF may be a selfcenter jerk.
BF may be a selfcenter jerk. Its probably all about him and IF he wants to do it or not. If not he uses his son as a excuse to get out of things. Or is he sitting his self up as babysitter to keep tabs on BM? Or could it be that it is just what he said? I'm not sure, so my advice is to tell you friend to step back a bit and take a good look at the situation. If she see a patteren here she may need to run. Have friend plan other things and see how bf reacts. How much does BF and Bm talk every day?
hmmm tough one...hard to know
hmmm tough one...hard to know based only on those examples.
I have a phobia of people choking around me. I was babysitting a friend's little boy once, he was probably 2 or 3 at the time, and he choked on a mouthful of those little goldfish crackers. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. He finally coughed them up just before I was about to heimlich him, but I'm still traumatized from it.
So, it could be completely legitimate if this is a one time thing.
But, if this is his pattern, that's a different story.
I agree. And I would give her
I agree. And I would give her this website, but I am selfish about this place. She is a friend....from work. Not a true friend. I will see her tonight and just tell her that I think it's all red flags. I feel bad for her if she stays with him!!!
Prolly an excuse but some
Prolly an excuse but some people are this way. My SO would freak if anything minor happened when he had only EOW b/c he knew BM would make a federal case out of it.
The cough/choke has nothing
The cough/choke has nothing to do with it.
He'd already kicked her to the curb when he chose to stay with his son (supposedly coming late) instead of attending the event with her. This was her father's 60th birthday party with kids included. A pretty big deal. He just didn't want to come.
Whether or not he is too involved with his son is a moot point - he is just not that into her. She needs to move on unless she just wants to kill some time with him while she is looking elsewhere.
This is just me...the last
This is just me...the last place I would want to meet my future FIL is at a party where there are lots of people and people I don't know. I am fine with small gatherings, but when a lot is going on, lots of noise, too many people to remember, etc. I am just really uncomfortable. So I can totally see bowing out of this at the last minute NOT being a red flag.