just have to ask this question
I just have to log in and ask about this-
Some of you who read my blog know that my SD(18) has been with a boyfriend for quite awhile, and hiding it from her father, because this kid is BAD NEWS.
My H has no idea that SD has had a boyfriend at all, when in fact she's been sexually active, and just found out that the guy's been cheating on her for a long time. He's also been verbally, physically abusive, controlling, and no good in general.
SD is no angel either. Whenever I've tried to approach the subject with H, that his daughter isn't the innocent girl he thinks, and that she's actually got some really bad things going on, he gets upset and refuses to talk about it.
Well, supposedly they broke up over the cheating. I don't know whether to believe SD that they've actually broken up, because she's told me that before and then gone back to him, but she says they broke up and she won't go back with him.
Yesterday, she took me aside and said "What did my boyfriend say when he called the house?"
I said "WHAT, he called the house, who did he talk to?"
She said, "He talked to my dad...he didn't tell you?"
I told her no, he didn't mention it, and asked her what the boyfriend said.
Supposedly it went like this-
"Do you know where your daughter is?"
"no, and if I did, I wouldn't tell you"
"WEll, I'm just letting you know that you better watch your daughter"
"who is this"
"MY name is _____ and I'm just letting you know you better watch your daughter"
OK, so someone please tell me, after H gets a phone call like this, why did he not tell me about it?
Why wouldn't he say "hey Chava, I got this phone call, do you know anything about this person?" "Do you know if something's going on with SD?"
WHY wouldn't he ask me those questions....
I know exactly who this person is, exactly what's going on, and I can tell him whether or not he should be worried.
He doesn't know I know about the phone call.....why wouldn't he tell me and ask if I knew anything??????
And should I bring it up to him, or go on like I know nothing?
SD told my H, "He's this guy who's obsessed with me and won't leave me alone because I won't go out with him"...
That is so not true.....
He doesn't want to know. He
He doesn't want to know. He won't talk to you about it because you would give it to him straight & he doesn't want to deal with it. he'd rather live in denial.
It's kind of sad.
Hipi
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
my little angel
My FH is the same way with his BD. She is "dating" or seeing a 18 y/o and she is just 15. NOW his BD talks to me and I knew, but she begged me to not tell that she was going to do it, ( she is unable to talk to either of her BP) I will be her confidant cuz I want her to have a adult friend, ssssoooo he found out that she was dating this guy but NEVER said anything to me about it, and he KNOWS I care for his daughter, when I asked him if he had talked to her about her beau (she told me she had told her dad) he said he did think it was a real boyfriend...(wtf) ok
I just think these "guilty" dads hide because they can not face the fact that they may have failed some way as a parent, whether true or imagined.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Fathers in denial
Please, my husband is the king of this. I overheard SD14 talking about what I could only assume was sexual activity. It led me to believe she had been intimate with a guy, although I don't know how intimate. So I told my husband, and he never did a THING about it. I've never heard another word. And the kids at her school are calling her a "pass-around." He's got his head in the sand, just like your husband.
The funny part of this is
The funny part of this is that he cares so much about her yet isn't trying to protect or warn her. If my dad received a call from some guy saying you better watch your daughter he would freak out and call the police. He definitely wouldn't keep it to himself. He would tell my mom, my sister, me and anyone else who cares enough about me to protect me. I doubt he would let me out of the house unless he knew that this person wasn't serious. Even if I had been dating him and things went south. There are a lot of people who get killed or hurt that way. They get a warning and ignore it and BAM something bad happens because this person was serious.
Chava, had to tell you
I have read how your SD takes and wears your clothes without asking.
Last night, SD14 came into my bathroom (while husband and I were both there), took my blow dryer, and left. I had a "look" on my face, so husband asked her if she had asked if she could use it. I said no, and she said yes.
One time before, she asked if she could use my hair dryer (she has one of her own) and I said yes. In her mind, that was an open pass to use it whenever she wants. I told husband he needs to tell her that she has to ask every time. Told him I don't want her using my stuff whenever she feels like it just because I said yes once.
Plus she had been a little shit to me a couple of days before, and I am tired of her thinking she can treat me like crap and I just have to take it.
A Little Honesty ...
...goes a long way.
Chava, I say this with the utmost respect. Weren't you the one also keeping secrets about the whole SD and boyfriend incident. Sounds to me like trust and communication is broken. Some harsh reality. Why should he confide in you when you haven't completely confided in him.
Maybe I'm living in lala land but he should know the truth without having to ask - you should share what you know because you care. Without accusing or degrading SD. Without "I told you how she is". A good sit down with just you 3 is in order. It seems to me that SD is playing you and your husband. Clear the air and set things straight.
Nothing should be kept secret
Nothing should be kept secret!!!! if you and your hubby dont communicate about your daughter and her love life or whatever it is something BAD could result. You both are going to be left holding the bag. What if she is in great danger and neither of you want to talk about it. He has NO choice but to talk about it. So what if daughter gets mad. Your jobs are to protect your children not make friends with them. If there is something you BOTH know you BOTH need to confront her and get the story straight. It could be all nothing but its better to have a mad teenager than one that is being hurt or even stalked by a boyfriend you all dont approve of anyways. Dad needs to step up and be a dad and put his foot down and get to the bottom of this. Whether he is in denial about her having a boyfriend or not he needs to know what is going on. AT ALL TIMES!
"Still waiting to get my life back"