knowing what you do now, do you wish you were still married to your bio kid's parent?
i sometimes think about the problems that i used to have with my son's father. we were young and didn't have money, and he was irresponsible. we fought all the time. but he loved me and was faithful, and i used to love him..i wanted a divorce in order to find someone more responsible and respectful. we could have stayed together, maybe if we had tried harder, he would have finally grown up and started truly working toward a good future for our family.
i think about how much happier our son would be right now, how much more normal and simple life would be, without these complicated problems, and i think of how i would have been working for my own family, not someone else's and cleaning my own little apartment, instead of a big house where we feel we don't belong.
more than anything i think about how much happier our little boy would be with both mom and dad in his life every day and not around these unkind older kids and not watching his mom being treated as a slave.
he wouldn't have as nice a bedroom, but so what? it would still be his room, not a hand-me-down from an older boy who likes to tell him that the stuff inside isn't really his.
point is, knowing what you do now, do you wish your first marriage/partnership hadn't ended?
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have no regrets
I would not look on the past with regrets and wants and just learn from your past and move on......easier said then done I know, but what is keeping you from going forward there must be more to this story, what is keeping you from contacting your first husband, if that is what you truly want to do?
Don't take this wrong......
But you sound a lot like my husband's ex-wife, almost codependent. Why do you need someone at all? After reading quite a few of your posts, I really feel like you should really start taking care of yourself, first and foremost before you start worrying about a significant other. I think all your complaints are completely valid and I am very sorry you are where you are at, but I mean you really need to step up and stand up for yourself.
Best wishes.
BTW - I would never in a million years wish I was still married to my first husband. When I left him, it was the best thing I ever did.
NO Fricken Way
do I ever regret not being with my ex. My ex loved me, he also was irresponsible, reckless, and we faught all of thee time. We have verry different morals and values. Raising the kids on my own proved much better. He is not around to undo our successes. You see we grew up in very differnt homes.. he upper middle class and me, lower to very low middle. He took for granted his upbring because he was handed everything. I graduated from the school of hard knocks. He couldn't cope with responsibility, I was anal about it. He has this low self esteem issue and sabotages every success he achieves. I am like cool and try to build the next step. This is what I want to pass on to my girls... not his victim mentality. So the girls not being with their father is in the long run a good thing. I parent with no guilt!! Our divorce does not define our children. What they do today and in the future does.
Do not look to the lesser evil, being alone is waaaay better than being in a bad situation. It is scary at times.. but so worth while and empowering. Being by yourself increases your self-esteem, which in turn makes you a better person, friend, girlfriend, wife, parent..etc.
What ever you decide do not jump from the fire to a flood. Take time for yourself.
I don't regret it one bit..
Well I think we all end our marriages for different reasons, and end up in different followup situations as well. I, for one, had lots of money, that my first husband made, and now, my new husband and I are dead broke. We squeeze 3 kids into a 2 bdrm. condo, and have twins on the way. We have problems with his ex, and at times, his kids, life is far more complicated for sure. But the reasons I left my first husband are all just as valid today as they were the day I made the move. And all the reasons I married my current husband are all just as valid now. It almost sounds like you are not certain your reasons for leaving your first husband were valid in the first place. Perhaps you should examine that, and also the validity of the reasons you married your current husband. If you find the reasons all still hold true for you, you made the right move. If not, you may need to decide if you want to stay in your current situation for reasons you don't now agree with. So I'm sorry to say, I don't identify with the regret you feel. I think your feelings are more an indicator of your specific situation, and not a universal theme that many of us share. Best of luck!
Oh hell no!!
Don't get me wrong... I have a lot of love and respect for my ex-dh but do I regret our divorce? OH HELL NO!!
He is so not my problem anymore.... We were just not good together... Now he is happier.... I am happier.... we've both found partners that are better suited for us and everyone gets along.... I couldn't be happier!
I don't regret the past in any sense.... I don't regret meeting him, falling 'in love' marrying him, having our daughter.... I learned a lot, had some good times (along with the bad) and we came out of it all with a gorgeous little girl!
"Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people ever have is when they take a bite out of you."
Hell no............ I am a
Hell no............
I am a domestic abuse surviour. My son and I are now far better off emotionally than what we ever where when I was married to him.
But would I do things differently in my current relationship..............yes. For one, I would have never allowed him to move in with us until he got his past baggage sorted out. His problems began mine, and my son and I suffered because of this.