I went through the same hell. She moved in with BM and I am still dealing with her havoc.

I am telling you it is a terrible age in an intact family. Add the blended family mess and you guarantee problems. SD was 12 was when problems started with her. 13 just made it worse. Now I am glad she is gone. I had been feeling bad for DH, but not with the crap she is pulling on my BS.

My best advice is do not have direct contact with her if you can avoid it. No matter what I said it became a struggle. Let DH handle everything. Disengage here.

Let her run all over him. And when she turns up in a police car or 4 mths pregnant you can get some smug pleasure. I know I did.

My OSS was the perfect child. Wonderful grades, always truthful. Except the habit of TELLING and not asking his parents if he could go see his friends. I don't know how many meals I had to keep back for him because he wanted to play hoops instead of eating dinner. Yes, he would get a call and head on out TELLING his father what time he would be home. I could be dishing up dinner and STILL his friends called, he ran. He was 13.

Then he started getting back later. First it was a couple of minutes. Then 15 minutes. His mother never had a problem because she 'trusted him'. His father was a little more suspicious but still saw the cute little boy he once bounced on his knee.

Then at 15 he got picked up MIP. He was in a car in a Walmart carpark and the 'other guys' were smoking pot. His punishment from BM? To STILL attend the Youth Group Mission trip leaving for a week the next day. 2 of the kids in the car were on the trip!

Fast forward to 19 and he is cooling his heels in jail for a few months because nothing sticks to him .... until you crash your car and are 2x over the legal limit and have drug paraphenalia (?Sp) in your car incl. 2 tabs of Adderall that you don't even take.

I sat down with DH and told him this ... "My kids are not your kids. They were brought up differently, I know that. But if you allow your son to comtimue to disrespect you by not ASKING but TELLING you what he is doing, you are in for a world of hurt."

And then I left it. I did report to him when it came to me from 2 different sources that he was the 'go to' person at school for pot. He spoke to his son about it. Of course denied. But my DH got a clue that he may not be so perfect.

Just let him parent his daughter and in return you parent your kids. Which means if you don't discipline HIS child he doesn't do the same to yours. He won't like it but then your SD cannot play games with you if you aren't part of the game can she?

And it will drive you crazy to see her get away with stuff. But eventually she will work out that you just don't care for her anymore and getting your attention is what she is all about.