Seriously with our SS we give him money and when he goes home he gets what he wants. I don't understand why you would not ship all the gifts to their house since they live there full time. Before he turned 15 we would buy gifts he would open on Christmas and then we would ship them to BM's house - do they not want the gifts - does BM refuse to take them - if you want to buy gifts instead of money then they should be shipped or put in their suitcases so they can enjoy them and think of you two while they play with them.

Not the norm to keep the gifts when they are there a week.

We were non-custodial for years. We sent all the gifts back home with the kids when they left.

We are custodial now. Their mother sends the gifts she gives them back home with them.

What's the point of giving them gifts if they can't even take them home?

My DH did this for awhile when SS was young. DH would spend $300-500 on gifts every Christmas. SS sometimes took his favorite gift home but the other gifts stayed at DH's house. DH had "reasonable visitation" with SS which amounted to EOWE but BM interferred alot so SS was probably only with him 1 weekend per month. Every year we would find toys that were barely used and some still unopened from the previous year. So we started asking ourselves what purpose this served - spending all this money on a kid who already gets WAY too much stuff for Christmas and doesn't appreciate it. So we changed our budget and began spending only about $100 on him every Christmas. We got one big gift that SS really wanted and the rest were smaller gifts. I think SS was a little bit hurt that first Christmas. But he seemed to appreciate the big gifts a lot more and we didn't find all the like-new, still in the package presents that filled SS's closet before.

I don't think you necessarily need to send all the gifts to BM's house. But maybe just re-evaluate what message you are sending to your skids by spoiling them with gifts. It doesn't make up for the time that DH doesn't get to spend with his kids. And the amount of money spent doesn't represent the amount of love DH has for his kids.

kiddo's mom has reasonable visitation. She will buy him some clothes, which he might wear once if he spills somethign on himself while he is there (why buy clothes when he doesnt spend the night with you? i dont know) and then by the time she wants to see him again, he has grown out of them and asks us to send clothes, then h asks her why she doesnt have clothes and she says she does! he says why do i have to send clothes then? and she says cause kiddo grew (since six months ago and i didnt realize he would actually keep living while not with me) ! On the gifts issue - she gives him gifts from chik-fil-a, happy meals, and things we have given kiddo that ended up at her house which he hasnt seen for so long he thinks they are new - the happy meal toys usually make it back to our house, whatever else she gets him stays at her house to not be played with. As a custodial parent, i really dont care if she keeps the stuff at her house. I dont want her crap - i have an overload of kids stuff at our house and do not want to keep up with another special stuffed animal or special teeny tiny toy from mcdonalds. i want kiddo to have stuff there for when he sees her so nothing that I BUY goes to her house and never comes back, and he really couldnt care less. I dont want the walmart clothes she buys him, the happy meal toys, or the $2 sale shoes from kmart. I have enough crap here.

My skid is older, so she doesn't get toys, per se - but the toys have gotten progressively more expensive!

Last year, BM ordered us to get SD14 a netbook. Actually it was, "She wants an iPod and a game system and a netbook. We're getting her the iPod and a Wii for the family, so you have to get her the netbook." SD is actually a good kid, and deserved it, so she got a netbook - and nothing else. BM had the nerve to ask SD14 "wasn't (she) disappointed? You would think your father would spend more on you." SD14 told us that, distraught - she asked why her mom would say that because all SD really wanted was to spend time with us.

Now, of course, SD14 got in trouble sexting on her cell phone, so BM took it and the netbook away permanently - it's easier to forbid than *gasp* parent and monitor your child.

This year, SD14 is going to get summer camp as her big present. She doesn't need more STUFF and if you were a budding writer, wouldn't you like a few weeks at Duke University learning how to write among your peers?

We quit giving our kid toys and trendy type gifts years ago. Now we get him primarily nice clothing and thow in a nice watch or cell phone ever few years.

I got sick of his piles of crap that never got used so we started giving him stuff he uses.

DH and I used to live in another state than kids and I would send the items that they will use on a regular basis home with them and the special things that were from DH and me stay with us. We've since moved back closer to SKs so that won't be as much of an issue but I think this year, the budget for them is $200 each, to include stocking stuffers. I think more activity-oriented items (movie tickets, bowling passes, etc.) will be on the list than junk. We'll see.

I agree with Caregiver, maybe in lieu of LOTS of gift, just give a few or money that can be taken home and make it more special with some kind of outing that they will remember LONG after the latest fad gift.

I purchased very few presents and always sent them with the kids. I told them to bring with them any toys they wanted to use when visiting.

I specifically told my ex what I was doing and co-ordinated with her so the kids didn't get duplicates. My ex was always allowed to make the first choices on what she would get for them as Christmas present giving was the highlight of her year. I.e. I didn't fight her over who would buy what and anyway as I said I always down played the event. Usually I purchased one item.

My attitude allowed my ex to feel comfortable in sending the dear precious things she had purchased over to my house knowing they would always be returned.

In age appropriate language explain to the kids what you are doing and that they should not expect a bounty of presents at your home anymore. Explain that you prefer to make the time spent with you not a time of playing with toys but a time of being together whether its raking leaves or playing at the beach or in the snow.

By "you" I'm refering to the bio parent here - either you or your spouse.