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Chocoholic's picture

Hi all, as some of you may know I am being harassed through this site by my son's step mom who is posting under the name 'jisselle'.
I joined this site using my full, legal name about 1 year ago and was easily tracked down by my son's step mom (she Googled my name which directly linked me to this site).... stupid of me to use my full legal name.... lesson learned. I guess I just thought that maybe my son’s step mom had more important things to do than follow me around…. She has her own baby, a job, etc. Nonetheless she still manages to find the time to harass me.

Anyway, I joined this group because I am a new step mom dealing with the issues that stepparents encounter. I found this group along with an amazing group of people including biological parents and stepparents, I was met here with understanding, friendship and greatly appreciated advice.

When my son's step mom previously tracked me down (when I was using my full real name) she began posting 'anonymous' responses to my postings that were hurtful, direct attacks against me. I went to Dawn and she changed all of my previous postings that had been posted under my real name, they were all removed and at that time I changed my sign in name to 'chocoholic'.
In the meantime my son's ever persistent step mom continued to lurk around this site until she was able to determine who I was, and what name I was posting under. As soon as she determined who I was (again) she began harassing me on this site under 'anonymous' postings and then went as far as to join this group under the name 'jisselle'.

As a result of all of the trouble and drama this woman has caused I recently, stated on this site that I will no longer be posting here anymore because it was causing too may problems.

After careful thought and consideration I have decided that I am not going to allow this woman to control or dictate anything that I do. I love all of you guys... (Anne, Caitlin, Nymh, Daddysgurl, Blueberrysbaby, Dbsojo, Krissy, Bonus Wife, Cplstv…. Just to name a few!) I keep up to date on your stories, your lives, and I grow and learn from your experiences, and I truly care about all of you. I come here to vent when I need to and I offer advice when and where I can. I came here before my son’s step mom knew about it…. my reason for becoming a member here has nothing to do with her and I’m not going to allow her to make anything that I do about her…..

I have tried to talk to my son’s step mom in the past so that we can all successfully move on and leave each other alone, etc. Unfortunately she is incapable of learning from past mistakes and moving forward, instead opting to dwell in the past and continue with the same behavior. Both she and I have caused enough harm to one another…. I have done many things that I regret and I chose to learn from those mistakes. She on the other hand denies her actions (which have been proven in court) and continues to act as if she has done nothing wrong, ect, ect. The bottom line is that she is creating her own hell and she is in the process of chasing off her own husband as a result. Which, I am sure she blames me for because I have kept him up to date about the fact that she continues to harass me…. I can’t go into details about my conversations with my ex because I don’t want him to have to deal with her wrath…. After alerting my ex about the harassment, my son’s step mom began calling my work to harass me (in addition to harassing me on this site). When she called my work a couple of days ago, she spewed out some of her incoherent ranting and then hung up. I called her right back and calmly asked her why she is doing this. However she is not woman enough to hold an adult conversation and instead calls me immature names and hangs up.

I have come to the realization that there is absolutely nothing that I can do about this woman’s jealously toward me. There is nothing that I can do about her state of mind, her immaturity and inability to grow up…. There is nothing I can do other than live my life and raise my children, enjoy my husband and my family and not sink down to this woman’s level. I have spoken with my ex (her husband) again I will not go into any specifics because I don't want him to have to deal with her insane jealously, however upon our long conversation I have decided that I am not going to be run off by this psychotic woman. I am not going to allow her to dictate where I go, what I say, etc. I am still going to "take the high road" in the sense that I am going to completely ignore the mindless ranting and harassment. Jennifer, aka 'jisselle' as well as her 'anonymous' postings will not be viewed by me at all.
I will not allow this person to control me or my son.

I know that this is getting REALLY long….But, I can’t end without thanking each and every one of you for your support and advice…. Also, please understand that the security of this site is NOT an issue…. I was found on this site because I was originally using my full legal name…. that was a very stupid decision on my part. Below I am also attaching something I came across and I encourage all of you to read in it entirety… here it is…..

Before you leave or look away...I encourage you to read this whole thing. ~~~ A time comes in your life when you finally get it ... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ENOUGH!!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that you are neither Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can. ~~~

Thank you again everyone, and I’m not going anywhere!!

-Chocoholic-

Imustbcrazy's picture

Atta GIRL!

Daddys Gurl-

Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.

stamina's picture

I needed to read that SO MUCH tonight! THANKS...I am copying that for myself right now so that I can read it and re-read it until I get it! Have a great night...thanks for my awakening!

Caitlin's picture

I'm glad you're sticking around! Just keep living your life, regardless of SM's drama, because you can't let insanity rule your life. Good luck and we're here for you!

Anne 8102's picture

Good for you, Chocoholic! With your words you have rendered her utterly irrelevant. The only power anyone has over us is the power we give them. Congratulations for taking back your power! I'm glad you're staying with us!

~ Anne ~

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

step mom of 1's picture

I am glad you are not letting her ruin your life, or letting her push you out. Stay strong maybe by the grace of God she will get the hint and just move on with her life, and stop harassing you.

BlueberrysBaby's picture

For a minute there I was afraid you were giving in and was going to post, "Don't go!!!"

There is a lot of wisdom in what you said about calming down from a blind tantrum - they're not just for toddlers anymore Wink

You will ALWAYS have a refuge here regardless of what any posers or anonymous posters have to say. Thanks for hanging in with us!!!

Blueberry's Baby

goingcrazy's picture

Glad you are staying. I have only been around for a couple months, but all of you are great friends... different than those we share our physical days with. I am sorry that this lady is doing these things. Glad you found the strength to stay around!!!

OldTimer's picture

you decided to stay! There have been some ladies in the past that have left due to this sort of thing happening to them as well, and I always hate to see them go because of someone else bullying them around.

You know the best way to handle someone who is harassing you is to ignore them completely as if they don't exist and live your life... and I mean LIVE your life completely and beautifully! Enjoy it!

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Chocoholic's picture

for your support and kind words. It feels extremely empowering to take a stand and stick to it... I won't be bullied and I won't allow my family to be bullied either. I'm going to move on from this now move forward by ignoring this woman althgether, if she posts here again I won't even read what she has to say because I won't allow her to occupy one more moment of my time.... Thanks again to you all!

Sebbie's picture

NCP should have rights too! Holding a grudge or anger at this woman is nothing more than giving her free rent in your head...and you know she doesnt desearve that...Stay strong sweetie, your taking the right stand, moving on and enjoying your life....look at it this way, your living rent free in HER head,lol,lol...hope she enjoys it!!!!

Annie's picture

I just have to say way to go! I don't know if I could handle this type of thing. Sometimes I wish it would happen so I could say what I feel I need to say, but it wouldn't matter. The BM in our lives, well, she could really care less how nice or nasty any one is. It's all about her no matter what. So even if I had a BM follow me and read my posts, she wouldn't really be interested in anything that was said. It would just be to harrass me or drive me crazy. And I think it would!
That said, I'm new to this board, as someone had sent me a link in hopes it would help me. And the thread they sent, I couldn't have been happier to read! I've been to just a few boards over the coarse of being a stepmom and this really is a common issue. More than one would think. It surprises me and it also disgusts me. The jealousy, and yes, we all go through a phase I am sure, but when does it end? And who else do they intend to involve? Other people who are vulnerable for one reason or another? For what purpose? Just hang in there! The worst she can do is go behind you and post ridiculous things if it is her. So, she'll look like a fool, not you!

Anonymous's picture

You tell the truth chocoholic,I went back several pages and read the blog entries. OMG!!!! she doesnt want any help here, she is using this column to get to you, what a gutless monster!!!!
She seems so perfect, lol, she should start her own web page for the perfect stepmom and biomom.
Stay on here, you are a real person with real feelings.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Thank you! I'm glad you decided to stay and I really appreciate how you took a stand!! Kudos to you!!

Dawn

Imustbcrazy's picture

I know of a poster that has been awfully quiet lately!?!?!? Hmmmmmm..... Anyone wanna take a guess as to whom I am thinking of???

Daddys Gurl-

Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.

Chocoholic's picture

See why it would be harder than hell to chase me out of here?? Thank you all again... Your continued support has been amazing and truly brings a tear to my eye.... I wish I could bag all of you up and move you here to Seattle! You have all really seen me through this....
Heres an update:
If you scroll above to my original post you will see that I stated the fact that I called Jennifer after she began calling and harassing me at work regarding the posts.... I called her back instantly after she called me, I obtained the phone number from my caller ID (on my work phone) and when she answered I simply asked her "Why are you harassing me?" She called me some names and then hung up and called the police claiming that I am harassing her! She has even filed for an Anti Harassment Order against me.... can you believe this woman? Luckily, I have a Family Court Services Investigative report which found that she has for years continually "lied to Law Enforcement, CPS and other officials" to harass me.... She has filed false police reports, filed for restraining orders (giving false information) filed false CPS reports... the whole 9 yards. As a result of the Family Court Services Investigation the Superior court ordered against her and told her (in other words) that she has been caught, the gig is up... and no one cares what she has to say anymore.
Even though she has recently started harassing me again, via this site, phone calls and e-mail, I promised my son's dad that I would not initate anything against her.... (he already told me she would be filing for an order against me) and we both know she won't get it. He didn't want me to initate anything for the simple fact that once I counter her petition and once the court grants me an order against her, then she can't cry to him about it because she threw the first punch.... He DOES have to live with her.... Now that I have received her peition, I have now countered it....

Although things are working out (as they always do in the end) I still for some reason can't help but feel a sense of pity and sadness for this woman... She just cannot seem to move on.... she is obviously incredibly insecure in herself.... this is just all so stupid.... None of this makes anything any better.... all she is doing is providing me with more "free rent" (S.Graham39)in her head.... She is completely obsessive and will be even more angry in the end when she looks like an ass, AGAIN. She is only hurting herself.... BUT, there is nothing that I can do about it... and today, I'm okay with that.

So, my husband was originally thinking that I should stop posting here because of all the drama that Jennifer is creating surrounding this site... The other night I sat him down in from of this very blog entry.... His first reaction was "I thought your weren't going to post here anymore!!" I said.... " Please don't talk, just sit down and read my post and then read all of the responses".... After reading everything he came into the room with a huge smile and said, "I am so proud of you... and it looks like you've met some really good people".

Thank you all.... I love you guys!!

PS. You too Fearless!

Sebbie's picture

NCP should have rights too! And your right, in a small way we can actually feel sorry for these women, but that sorrow is because they have yet to learn the truth in life that is as simple as a statement Abraham Lincoln made.." If...I have lost every friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall always be down inside of me...myself. "That is truly where the sorrow comes for people like her...they are not even friends to themselves....Hugs Chocoholic

Anne 8102's picture

We would've missed you terribly!

~ Anne ~

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Nymh's picture

Aww, we love you too girlie Smile

This witch gives SM's a bad name!

But seriously, there are some things that I found on this page that really touched my heart. Thank you for your post. I'm very glad that you made the decision to stay. A huge part of my spirituality is centered around personal growth and enlightenment - which I think you understand isn't all about Buddha and smoking pot (two things that don't have anything to do with my life) but more about realizations of greater truths and "awakening", as you've so eloquently put it.

You said something here that I also identify with: I still for some reason can't help but feel a sense of pity and sadness for this woman... You have sadness for this woman because she is a sad woman. Her existence is centered around her own lack of self worth and sense of importance. She is immature, jealous, and insecure. YOU are more than that. YOUR TIME and LIFE are worth more than that.

I am so proud of you! Smile

*~So sayeth Nymh~*