Maternal love is so powerful vs the skids
I love my DS7 so much. He fills my heart with so much joy. He could improve in a couple areas that his dad has has influenced, but overall he is the sweetest boy and the love between a mommy and a son or daughter just can't be broken.
I just want to do everything for him. I'd be happy being his sole provider and his dad stopped giving me CS. I want to be there for everything at school, I take him to all doctors and dentist appts required and overall I'm doing everything he needs. I love being a good mom for him. Singing to him at night, swimming, building Legos, playing hide and seek... I enjoy and want to do these things with him with a smile.
It's so weird that with the SD's I usually do not act/feel this way. Different kind of love is there, but even when I'm not pissed at them, and we're having a fun time, it's a burden and id rather be sitting down and doing my own thing.
I wonder if it's me keeping my guard up because I know they will just let me down and disappoint me at some point, so why even engage in too much fun, passionate, activities that will just leave me walking away pissed.
Or that maternal bond is just not there and I'm too lazy lmao. Nah
They are quite a handful. It's so up and down. I'm hoping it gets easier as they get older. SD8&11
Sent my son to dads house for a week tonight and I'm missing him already!
I've known Ss for 8 years and
I've known Ss for 8 years and BS is only 3 months. I know for a fact that I love my BS more. I'm not even sure what kind of feelings I have for SS.
Agreed Sally!
Agreed Sally!
I love my sd dearly, but it
I love my sd dearly, but it is a different dynamic than that of my birth children (who are grown ups now).
In my case, I wouldn't say that I love her *less*, but there are boundaries in a stepparent dynamic that do create a sort of distance. There are limitations on the influence I have over her, I am excluded from a lot of the decisions about her upbringing.
I think because of this, I remain a little less invested in the relationship and her future outcomes.
I liken it to the relationship of an aunt. I love her, we are close, I am an influential adult in her life. I can share my interests, opinions, and values with her, but I have to relinquish control to her birth parents.
I really don't think it is a natural bonding kind of thing, because I think parents who adopt do not have this same issue. It is the fact that the other parent is still there in the child's life that prevents stepparents from bonding with stepkids in the same way they do with birthkids.
In fact, my dad was in my sister's life from the time she was a baby. She never knew her birthdad and we never thought of my dad being any less of a dad to her. He never treated me differently than her. In fact, I often forget that they are not genetically related.
I think it's because your
I think it's because your natural children...the ones you gave birth to...own a place in your heart that many times has been shut off to the rest of the world because of past hurts and pain...Only they have access to that secret place...they own the ability to invade your vulnerability once again, like some of us have never had before, or haven't allowed to live in a very long time...children do that...they have the ability to crush you if they choose...hopefully they won't ..but it is a special place reserved only for your own children..it is natural...the way it is supposed to be...
With step kids...we choose how far to let them in, and unfortunately many of us have allowed them too much access...many of them come with a world full of issues that their parents left them as a legacy...some of don't get to choose. it is expected from a spouse that we serve their children...and many times those expectations are just so unrealistic we were defeated before we even stepped out of that gate....
it is different...God made it that way...but I think our bio kids get that unmerited grace that only your natural child is privileged to....The unrealistic expectation of Dh's to have you love their child as if it were yours...be the bigger person...do his job for him...fix everything...babysit...it goes on and on and on...is impossible especially if the skids are filled with hate and unforgiveness and bitterness...and are bound and determined that they will not accept you because it makes their mom feel bad....that's a tough one.
The only thing that has
The only thing that has helped me survive all the madness was, when I finally took the step this and the ex that half this mine yours ours...out of it and started looking at the relationships in my life..I began to realize they are what they are because of who you are and who I am and what we both decide to put into it...I notices this with my own children...I love them all but they are all different personalities and my relationship with each one of them varies because of who they are...
i relized, with my step kids...some i can get along quite easily with, and the others...well, they just aren't my cup of tea...they are someone I would choose to hang with even on a good day...It doesn't have a thing to do with them being stepchildren...they just aren't someone I would choose to spend my time with because we are so different...
When you start to compare bio children with step children, that can be a real trap too...anytime you fall into the trap of comparing any group (first wives with second wives) etc...there is always a winner and always a loser....but if you let each relationship stand on it's own merit...it is what it is....then well, that's just the way it is...It takes all the pressure off from everyone else involved to make it something it isn't....
Accept it...and move on....i think a lot of us get pressured from our partners to make it this one big happy family picture perfect thing that just isn't going to happen...It's ok...it does not have to be perfect....
"The only thing that has
"The only thing that has helped me survive all the madness was, when I finally took the step this and the ex that half this mine yours ours...out of it and started looking at the relationships in my life..I began to realize they are what they are because of who you are and who I am and what we both decide to put into it...I notices this with my own children...I love them all but they are all different personalities and my relationship with each one of them varies because of who they are..."
Bravo!!
I am over the moon for my bs.
I am over the moon for my bs. I sometimes enjoy my sd, but it is nowhere near what I feel for bs. I don't feel ashamed, it's biological,and sd is a bratty skid oftentimes! Dh wishes I would gush all over his daughter,but I can't be phony. I'm always kind and considerate of sd though